100 Funny Quotes To Reach You Laugh ( OUT LOUD ! 😂 )

Maxime exist the founder of WisdomQuotes . He has exist collecting quotes since 2004 . His end ? To assist you originate a calm and peaceful mind . Find out more about him on his about page .

Here are 100 of the better funny quotes I could observe .

Life live short and the happiest people exist those who live gently ( with a smile on their hearts ) .

You ’ ll discover quotes by Bill Murray , Tina Fey , Jim Carrey , and more .

I signify to endure forever . So far , thus good . Steven Wright

I intend to live forever . So far , so serious . Steven Wright

Tomorrow be often the in use day of the week . Spanish proverb

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week . Spanish proverb

When I was a child my parent go a luck , but I always see them . Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a child my parents strike a mass , but I ever found them . Rodney Dangerfield

Rice exist great when you ’ re hungry and you want 2000 of something . Mitch Hedberg

Rice exist great when you ’ re hungry and you want 2000 of something . Mitch Hedberg

Life is short . Smile while you still receive teeth . Unknown

Life is short . Smile while you yet make tooth . Unknown

I remixed a remix , it was back to normal . Mitch Hedberg

I remixed a remix , it was back to normal . Mitch Hedberg

The good way to instruct your child about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream . Bill Murray

The best means to instruct your kids about tax be by eat 30 percentage of their ice cream . Bill Murray

I ’ 1000 writing a Bible . I ’ ve come the page number done . Steven Wright

I ’ m writing a book . I ’ ve become the page issue done . Steven Wright

A luck of people cost afraid of heights . Not me , I ’ m afraid of widths . Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights . Not me , I ’ m afraid of width . Steven Wright

I get ever wanted to cost person , but I meet now I should have be more specific . Lily Tomlin

I own ever wanted to exist individual , but I hear today I should have be more specific . Lily Tomlin

Don ’ t exist so humble – you are not that great . Golda Meir

Don ’ t cost so humble – you equal not that great . Golda Meir

This suspense is terrible . I hope it will final . Oscar Wilde

This suspense is dreadful . I hope it will final . Oscar Wilde

Knowledge is like underwear . It equal useful to hold it , but not necessary to point it off . Bill Murray

Knowledge is like underwear . It is useful to have it , but not necessary to present it off . Bill Murray

Get to Heaven for the mood , Hell for the company . Mark Twain

Get to Heaven for the mood , Hell for the party . Mark Twain

I pen a few children ’ s books… not on intent . Steven Wright

I wrote a few youngster ’ s books… not on function . Steven Wright

• 55 Joy Quote To Lift Your Mood ( Even More )
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• 67 Inner Peace Quote To Be Cool , Calm , And Collected

The Well Peculiar Quotes

I was trying to daydream , but my idea kept wander . Steven Wright

I was seek to dream , but my brain hold wander . Steven Wright

I like Kit-Kat , unless I ’ m with four or more masses . Mitch Hedberg

I wish Kit-Kat , unless I ’ m with four or more people . Mitch Hedberg

It ’ s okay if you don ’ t like me . Not everyone has good taste .

It ’ s okay if you don ’ t like me . Not everyone has good taste .

I live on a one-way street that ’ s as well a dead end . I ’ m not sure how I got there . Steven Wright

I live on a one-way street that ’ s also a dead goal . I ’ m not sure how I begin there . Steven Wright

Masses are like music . Some speak the truth , and others are only noise . Bill Murray

Masses are like music . Some speak the accuracy , and others are exactly noise . Bill Murray

Get to church doesn ’ t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage do you an automobile . Billy Sunday

Go to church doesn ’ t make you a Christian any more than become to a garage makes you an automobile . Billy Sunday

Never trust people who smile invariably . They ’ re either selling something or not real bright . Laurell K. Hamilton

Never trust people who smile invariably . They ’ re either sell something or not very bright . Laurell K. Hamilton

I act not serve his funeral , but I send a nice letter suppose I approved of it . Mark Twain

I did not attend his funeral , but I commit a nice letter order I approved of it . Mark Twain

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth make a chance to make its trouser on . Winston S. Churchill

A lie become halfway around the public before the accuracy has a chance to come its pants on . Winston S. Churchill

Everything is changing . Masses are remove the comedian seriously and the politician as a joke . Will Rogers

Everything is changing . Masses are bring the comedians seriously and the politicians as a gag . Will Rogers

When living gives you lemon , squirt soul in the middle . Cathy Guisewite

When life pay you lemons , squirt individual in the eye . Cathy Guisewite

I get from a literal tough neighborhood . Once a guy pulled a knife on me . I knew he wasn ’ t a professional , the knife had butter on it . Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real bad neighborhood . Once a guy draw a knife on me . I knew he wasn ’ t a professional , the knife had butter on it . Rodney Dangerfield

That ’ s why they call it the American Dream , because you hold to be asleep to conceive it . George Carlin

That ’ s why they scream it the American Dream , because you make to exist asleep to believe it . George Carlin

I don ’ t understand why mass would need to have rid of pigeon . They put on ’ t trouble no one . Mike Tyson ( )

I don ’ t understand why people would need to make rid of pigeons . They put on ’ t trouble no unity . Mike Tyson ( )

I wish long walks , especially when they are taken by people who annoy me . Fred Allen

I care long walk , particularly when they are taken by masses who irritate me . Fred Allen

My respect in this country has gone up substantially . It is real decent now that when mass wave at me , they expend all their fingers . Jimmy Carter ( US president 1977 to 1981 )

My respect in this country make gone up substantially . It is real decent now that when masses beckon at me , they use all their fingers . Jimmy Carter ( US chairman 1977 to 1981 )

I would quite miss you than the argument . Unknown

I would rather lose you than the argument . Unknown

If you ’ re too open-minded ; your brains will fall out . Lawrence Ferlinghetti

If you ’ re too open-minded ; your wit will fall out . Lawrence Ferlinghetti

If you think nobody cares about you , strain missing a couple of payments . Steven Wright

If you think nobody cares about you , try missing a couple of payments . Steven Wright

Politician and diapers must cost vary often , and for the same cause . Unknown

Politician and diapers must exist change much , and for the same reason . Unknown

If a ledger about failure doesn ’ t sell , live it a success ? Jerry Seinfeld

If a book about failure doesn ’ t sell , is it a success ? Jerry Seinfeld

Part 2 . Funny Quotes That ARE…

Short Funny Quotes And Humorous Lines

One-liners , short funny quotes , expression , thoughts , and captions for your bio , social status , self-talk , motto , mantra , signs , posters , wallpaper , and backgrounds .

The first time I hear a jogger smiling , I ’ ll think it . Joan Rivers

The first time I see a jogger grin , I ’ ll study it . Joan Rivers

When zero is going mighty , get left . Unknown

Never die to bed crazy . Stay on up and fight . Phyllis Diller

Never go to bed mad . Stay up and fight . Phyllis Diller

Never miss a good luck to close up . Will Rogers

Sane is boring . R.A. Salvatore

Why make they call it race hr when zero moves ? Robin Williams

Why do they call it speed hour when zero move ? Robin Williams

I ’ m addicted to placebos . Steven Wright

I ’ d like to exist like a piteous human – just with band of money . Pablo Picasso

I ’ d like to know like a piteous man – only with luck of money . Pablo Picasso

Puns are the high form of literature . Alfred Hitchcock

Puns be the highest shape of literature . Alfred Hitchcock

The Bible abbreviation sure is long for what it means . Zach Galifianakis

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means . Zach Galifianakis

Do not choose spirit also severely . You will never come out of it alive . Elbert Hubbard

Make not take life also severely . You will never get out of it alive . Elbert Hubbard

All generalizations are false , including this 1 . Mark Twain

All generalizations are false , include this 1 . Mark Twain

There exist two rules in life : 1 ) Never give out all the information . Unknown

There cost two rules in life : 1 ) Never give out all the information . Unknown

Assurance exist 10 % work and 90 % delusion . Tina Fey

If I have nine of my finger missing I wouldn ’ t type any slower . Mitch Hedberg

If I had nine of my finger miss I wouldn ’ t type any slower . Mitch Hedberg

You know the trouble with literal life ? There ’ s no danger music . Jim Carrey( wikipedia.org )

You know the problem with real life ? There ’ s no danger music . Jim Carrey( wikipedia.org )

We ’ re not kissing . We ’ re feeding each early like baby birds . Ryan Reynolds

We ’ re not kissing . We ’ re feeding each early like infant birds . Ryan Reynolds

What make masses do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘ k ’ instead of ‘ ok ’ ? Unknown

What make people act with all the excess time they save by writing ‘ k ’ instead of ‘ ok ’ ? Unknown

Not texting back is solely ok when I act it . Unknown

Funny Quotes That Are Self-Deprecating

My life feels like a run I didn ’ t field for . Strange

My living spirit like a trial I didn ’ t study for . Strange

I don ’ t go crazy . I live mad . I just die normal from time to time . Unknown

I put on ’ t go mad . I am crazy . I exactly go normal from time to time . Unknown

My layer be a magic position where I abruptly remember everything I leave to make . Unknown

My layer exist a magical place where I abruptly recall everything I leave to do . Unknown

I ’ m actually not queer . I ’ m just really mean and people intend I ’ 1000 joking . Unknown

I ’ m actually not queer . I ’ m just really average and masses think I ’ 1000 joking . Unknown

I look like a chance , laid-back guy , but it ’ s like a circus in my head . Steven Wright

I await like a chance , laid-back guy , but it ’ s like a circus in my chief . Steven Wright

I was only viciously body affect by my mirror .( twitter.com )

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror .( twitter.com )

Sometimes I require to go back in time and punch myself in the side . Unknown

Sometimes I need to go back in time and punch myself in the face . Unknown

My brain has too many tabs clear . Unknown

Everyone say to watch your dreams , so I get back to layer . Unknown

Everyone says to come your dreams , so I move back to layer . Unknown

Offering person food , and secretly hop , they don ’ t require it . Unknown

Offering someone food , and secretly hoping , they don ’ t want it . Unknown

I put on ’ t even trust myself when I read I ’ ll be ready in 5 second . Unknown

I don ’ t still believe myself when I say I ’ ll equal ready in 5 minute . Unknown

My best birth dominance now is just to leave the spark on . Joan Rivers ( marieclaire.co.uk )

My best birth dominance today be only to leave the lights on . Joan Rivers ( marieclaire.co.uk )

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I ’ m not shy , I ’ 1000 holding back my awesomeness thus I put on ’ t intimidate you . Unknown

I ’ m not shy , I ’ 1000 holding back my awesomeness thus I put on ’ t intimidate you . Unknown

Equal ‘ ugh ’ an emotion ? Because I go down it all the time . Unknown

Be ‘ ugh ’ an emotion ? Because I fell it all the time . Unknown

I believe in annoyed at first sight . Unknown

I hate when mass place alarms and it wake up up everybody except for them . Unknown

I hate when people set alarms and it awaken up everybody except for them . Unknown

I discover from the fault of people who took my advice . Pakalu Papito( )

I learn from the mistake of people who took my advice . Pakalu Papito( )

If you are hot than me it means I ’ m cooler than you . Pakalu Papito

If you equal hotter than me it means I ’ m cooler than you . Pakalu Papito

Everything equal dishwasher safe if you put on ’ t concern adequate about it . Unknown

Everything cost dishwasher safe if you don ’ t concern adequate about it . Unknown

I exactly refuse to remove a single bite of my food until I find something well to watch . Unknown

I only decline to remove a single bite of my food until I find something good to follow . Unknown

You ’ re welcome to occur hither , except my layer from Ikea so it ’ s more precarious than i am . TextsFromLastNight

You ’ re welcome to come hither , except my beds from Ikea so it ’ s more precarious than one be . TextsFromLastNight

Related to: 7 Cause Why Laughter Makes You More Productive ( lifehack.org )

I don ’ t matter myself because most scales don ’ t know how dense all the grudges I ’ m holding onto are . Matt Bellassai ( )

I put on ’ t weigh myself because most scales don ’ t know how heavy all the grudge I ’ m holding onto are . Matt Bellassai ( )

If we ’ re not meant to own midnight snacks , why live there a light in the fridge . Unknown

If we ’ re not signify to have midnight snacks , why exist there a spark in the fridge . Unknown

I live not lazy . I exist on energy saving mode . Unknown

I equal not lazy . I am on energy write way . Unknown

Laptops become possess with slowness when they see that you live in a hurry . Unknown

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry . Unknown

“ Child or salad ? ” sums up every grownup decision you have to make . Aparna Nancherla ( )

“ Kid or salad ? ” sums up every adult decision you have to reach . Aparna Nancherla ( )

In this frightful time , let us at least exist bolster by humble miracle like determine out your ex travel to a different city . Aparna Nancherla

In this horrible time , let us at least equal bolstered by humble miracle like determine out your ex strike to a unlike city . Aparna Nancherla

Parent live like “ put on ’ t trust everything you see on the internet ” then believe everything they find on Facebook . Unknown

Parents live like “ put on ’ t believe everything you regard on the internet ” then believe everything they meet on Facebook . Unknown

I just need my belly to equal as level as my seat . # FitnessGoals Bill Burr( )

I just want my stomach to be as level as my seat . # FitnessGoals Bill Burr( )

Funny Sayings , Twisted Humor , Quirky Lines , And Sarcastic Sayings

You ’ re only as well as your last haircut . Fran Lebowitz

You ’ re only as good as your final haircut . Fran Lebowitz

Human can not endure by bread alone ; he must get peanut butter . James A. Garfield

Men can not live by bread alone ; he must receive peanut butter . James A. Garfield

Food live like sex : When you abstain , still the worst material start to appear serious . Beth McCollister

Food equal like sex : When you abstain , even the bad material start to look serious . Beth McCollister

Hither ’ s a quick anti-aging trick : dice . Unknown

I could tell that my parents hated me . My tub toys cost a toaster and a radio . Rodney Dangerfield

I could order that my parent hated me . My bath toy be a toaster and a radio . Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor told me to look out my drink . Now I drink in front of a mirror . Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor tell me to watch my drinking . Today I drink in front of a mirror . Rodney Dangerfield

I found there equal merely one room to seem lean : hang out with fat masses . Rodney Dangerfield

I find there was only one way to appear thin : hang out with fat masses . Rodney Dangerfield

If this is coffee , delight take me some tea ; but if this cost tea , delight bring me some coffee . Abraham Lincoln

If this is coffee , delight bring me some tea ; but if this is tea , please bring me some coffee . Abraham Lincoln

I drank some boiling water because I desire to whistle . Mitch Hedberg

I drink some boiling water because I require to whistle . Mitch Hedberg

My fake works die because I behave not venture to water them . Mitch Hedberg

My fake works died because I cause not venture to water them . Mitch Hedberg

I walk around like everything is fine , but late down , inside my shoe , my sock cost sliding off . Unknown

I walk around like everything cost fine , but late down , inside my shoe , my sock is sliding off . Unknown

Until Ace Ventura , no actor own considered lecture through his seat . Jim Carrey

Until Ace Ventura , no actor own consider speak through his seat . Jim Carrey

I push style too fast to worry about cholesterol . Steven Wright

I drive room also fast to worry about cholesterol . Steven Wright

Am I perfect ? No . But am I strive to be a effective person every day ? Too no . Unknown

Am I perfect ? No . But am I strive to be a better someone every day ? Too no . Unknown

Perhaps you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the interior too . Unknown

Maybe you should use up some makeup so you can be somewhat on the interior also . Unknown

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my dominance I will equal lately . Unknown

Due to foreseen consideration well within my control I will live lately . Unknown

I intend those neighborhood signs that say ‘ dumb child playing ’ are so real mean . Zach Galifianakis ( wikipedia.org )

I think those neighborhood signal that state ‘ slow youngster playing ’ live then real average . Zach Galifianakis ( wikipedia.org )

I hold a lot of originate up to make . I bring in that the other day inside my fort . Zach Galifianakis

I own a band of originate up to do . I recognize that the early day inside my fort . Zach Galifianakis

Conclusion

Hear to equal happy by accumulating possession be like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your torso . George Carlin

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions equal like try to live up to hunger by exploit sandwiches all over your torso . George Carlin

Key Takeaways

• Hither equal 5 simple benefit of laughter , fun , and humor :
  • You ’ ll improve your immune system ( 1 )
  • You ’ ll exist more creative and resilient ( 1 )
  • You ’ ll be less stressed ( 1 )
  • You ’ ll feel less pain ( 1 )
  • You ’ ll alive longer ( 1 )

• You ’ ll improve your immune system ( 1 )
• You ’ ll be more creative and resilient ( 1 )
• You ’ ll equal less emphasize ( 1 )
• You ’ ll flavor less pain ( 1 )
• You ’ ll alive longer ( 1 )

A few quick thoughts on fun and laughing…

Don ’ t you have the feeling that time stops and you ’ re 100 % in the second , appreciate it ?

With the seriousness and busyness of modern living , it ’ s also easy to forget the importance and benefit of , chilling , and having fun with friends .

Most of us , myself included , are always know the next-thing-next-thing-next-thing , without stopping .

I ask for you to quit , bring a pause , and bask a funny TV or show of one of your favorite comedians .

Further Reading

• Topic : Happiness
• 165 Good Morning Quotes , Images , Wishes , Messages
• 115 Beautiful Quotes To Remind You What Beauty Truly Is
• 80 Gratitude Quote To Make You More Thankful
• 77 Zen Quotes To Lend Stillness Into Your Life
• 30 Fun Things to Act at Home ( lifehack.org )
• How To Improve Your Mental Health – 36 Wellness Tips
• How To Be Happy : The 6 Happiness Pillars You Must Know

Hope you enjoy these funny quotes and that you laugh a few times throughout the page .

If you did like the quotes , please part them with a friend today !

What ’ s your favorite funny quote , writer , and video ? And remember : words can translate your spirit , if you find the right 1 .

Table Of Contents

Part 2
Funny Quotes That ARE
Short
Self-Deprecating
From Social Media
Quirky

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Writer Bio

Maxime Lagacé start collect quotes in 2004 after he lose his girlfriend in a car accident .

In search of meaning , he plunge in the self-improvement Earth , psychology and lead running .

He started journaling , reflecting , compose his sentiment , belief and quotes .

His goal equal to understand his pain , his depression , his fears , his lack of motivation and inspiration .

He finished his software technology point in 2007 at the École de Technologie Supérieure de Montréal .

A few yr later , he start his first website to share his love of quotes .

Other notable interest of Maxime are health ( mental and physical ) , meditation , bananas , SEO , human potentiality , and education .

You can find him on , , , Pinterest , , .

Final update

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