102 Funny One-Liners That Will Get You Laugh
For the biggest laughs from the fewest word , control out these funny one-liners
The great queer one-liners
If you ’ re looking for the liberal laughter from the few words , you ’ ve come to the correct spot . We ’ ve collected more than 100 of the well funny one-liners that are short , shrill and easy to have . And only to go on you on your toes , we hold a pair puns and joke into the mix too ! Still crave more ? Crack out our collection of cheesy pickup lines and our ever-popular dad jokes . Then plow to these bad jokes that you can ’ t aid but laughter at , short joke that anyone can remember , these oh-so-relatable work joke , these peculiar jokes on the internet will also snap you up , and for the short one , short jokes for kid .
Funny one-liners
1 . Did you learn they hold back the fiend ? Yeah , they begin him on possession .
2 . What did one DNA say to the other DNA ? “ Cause these genes build me look fat ? ”
3 . My IQ trial results get back . They were negative .
4 . What cause you come when you cross a polar bear with a seal ? A polar bear .
5 . Why can ’ t you trust an atom ? Because they do up literally everything .
6 . Why equal six afraid of seven ? Because seven eight nine .
8 . What ’ s the difference between an criminal and an in-law ? Outlaws exist wanted .
9 . Scientist own recently disclose a food that greatly shorten sex drive . It ’ sec yell wedding cake .
10 . Before you marry a person , you should first build them expend a computer with a slow Internet association to hear who they really be .
11 . I never know what happiness was until I got married—and then it be also recent .
12 . Some human allege they put on ’ t tire their wedding circle because it cuts off circulation . Well , that ’ s the point , isn ’ t it ?
13 . Advice to husband : Try praise your wife today and then , even if it does startle her at first .
For more one-line jokes , try this list of our peculiar jokes .
Best one-liner joke
14 . Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town ? He was give a ticket for build a ewe number .
15 . What happens to an illegally parked frog ? It gets toad off .
16 . How does the man in the moon come his hair cut ? Eclipse it .
17 . What act you yell a blonde with half a head ? Gifted .
18 . Why be so many blonde jokes one-liners ? So brunettes can recollect them .
19 . Our kid get a great deal of willpower—and yet more won ’ t might .
20 . Among the thing that are hence simple still a child can operate them are parents .
Show these clean jokes next for the best one-liners that are also family-friendly .
Funny one-liner jokes
21 . Why aren ’ t dogs well dancer ? Because they hold two left feet .
22 . What ’ s a dog ’ s favorite homework appointment ? A lab paper .
23 . Why make Beethoven get rid of his chicken ? All they order was , “ Bach , Bach , Bach … ”
24 . Of course I wouldn ’ t say anything about her unless I could say something well . And , oh boy , is this good …
25 . When he talks , it isn ’ t a conversation . It ’ s a filibuster .
26 . She leave me with the notion that when we forget the hatchet she ’ ll sign the exact spot .
27 . You can ’ t believe everything you hear—but you can recur it .
28 . There ’ s a lot to be said in his favor , but it ’ s not nearly as interesting .
29 . They ’ ve been treat me like one of the family , and I ’ ve put up with it for as long as I can .
30 . Why did the parents not like their boy ’ s biology instructor ? He own skeletons in his wardrobe .
31 . Their first daughter was hold with a silver spoon in her mouth . Now they ’ re hoping for triplets so they can have a whole set .
32 . I pass a lot of time , money and attempt childproofing my house … but the child however get in .
33 . Small son sitting on Daddy ’ s lap : “ I ’ m even so confused . Was I contain in a nest or a hive ? ”
34 . A Freudian slip is when you say one affair but mean your mother .
35 . My mother cost so surprised when I state her I cost contain again . She said she didn ’ t sense a thing !
After these one-line joke , try these hilarious puns for kids—adults enjoy them too !
Funniest one-liners
36 . What do you call a bear with no teeth ? A gummy bear .
37 . What act one cannibal say to the early while they were feed a clown ? “ Perform this taste funny to you ? ”
38 . What do you predict a mobster who ’ sec buried in cement ? A hardened criminal .
39 . What act fish say when they score a concrete wall ? Dam !
40 . What do you want in order to cause a small chance on Wall Street ? A big luck .
41 . One of the oddities of Wall Street is that the dealer , not the customer , is the broker .
42 . A deep man exist one who isn ’ t afraid to ask the clerk to depict him something cheap .
43 . If you take $ 2 out of an ATM that own a $ 2.50 fee , do you owe the machine money ?
44 . Knock , knock .Who ’ s there ?Nobel .Nobel who ?Nobel , so I knock knocked .
45 . Knock , knock .Who ’ s thither ?Alabama .Anybody with you ?Nope . I ’ 1000 Alabama self .
46 . Knock , knock .Who ’ s there ?Ayatollah .Ayatollah who ?Ayatollah you already .
47 . Knock , knock .Who ’ s thither ?Control freak . Today you read , “ Control freak who ? ”
48 . The ground some politician like to stand on their record cost to keep voters from examining it .
49 . The insomnia patient was such a fervent vegetarian that he count carrots jumping over a fence .
50 . My father is allergic to cotton . He has pills he can remove , but he can ’ t begin them out of the bottle .
51 . You ’ ll ever stay youthful if you endure honestly , eat slowly , sleep sufficiently , study industriously , worship faithfully and lie in about your age .
52 . How can you assure you ’ re getting old ? When you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you .
Just like one-liner jokes , these clever jokes snap us up .
Good one-liners
53. the nurse who was chew out by the physician because she was absent without gauze ?
54. the crustacean accused of promoting his own shellfish interest ?
55. the guy who ate a chunk of yarn ? She have mittens .
56. the kid who take off a occupation bind shoelaces on the playground ? It was a knot-for-profit .
57. the claustrophobic astronaut ? He just wanted a little more space .
58. the racing snail that make rid of his shell ? He thought it would create him faster , but it only made him sluggish .
59. the salamander who went to Hollywood to make newt movie ?
60. the New York Jets cocktail ? Drink two of them and you ’ ll leave what your Namath .
62. the veterinarian who prescribes birth-control pill for dogs ? It ’ s portion of an anti-litter campaign .
For more comic one-liner jokes , check out these self-professed anti-jokes .
One-liner jokes
63 . If athlete get athlete ’ sec base , what do astronauts become ? Missile toe .
64 . How many telemarketers do it take to change a lighting bulb ? Only one , but he have to act it while you are exhaust dinner .
65 . How many egomaniacs act it take to screw in a light bulb ? One . The egomaniac holds the light bulb while the Earth rotate around him .
66 . How many paranoid people make it bring to alter a lighting bulb ? Who require to know ?
67 . How many DIY buffs cause it take to convert a spark bulb ? One , but it bring two weeks and four trips to the hardware store .
68 . If an anonymous comment goes unread , exist it even so irritate ?
70 . To regard a human ’ s genuine face , look to the photo he hasn ’ t posted .
71 . “ Buffet ” is a French word that think of “ begin up and get it yourself . ”
72 . Winter : the season when we try to keep the house as hot as it was in the summer , when we complain about the heat .
73 . Conscience : the humble voice that build you sense little .
74 . Statistician : a someone who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone decision .
75 . Did you see about the statistician who drown while intersect a river ? It was three foot deep on norm .
76 . The difficulty with make to work on time is that it build the day hence long .
77 . Interviewer to job applicant : “ Can you get up with any ground you desire this job early than your parent need you out of the firm ? ”
78 . Give a man a fish , and he will eat for a day . Teach a man to fish , and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .
79 . Why don ’ t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank ? They exactly moisten up on shore .
If you have a morbid sense of humor , these colored joke include some of the best one-liner gag .
Corny jokes
80 . How much cause Santa pay for his sleigh ? Zero , it was on the house .
81 . What make you scream Santa ’ s assistant ? Subordinate Clauses .
82 . What ’ s Irish and stays out all dark ? Patty O ’ Furniture .
83 . What do you shout a steak that ’ s cost knighted by the queen ? Sir Loin .
84 . Why didn ’ t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner ? It be Chewie .
85 . A fresh subject shows that one-third of people don ’ t floss , while the other two-thirds couldn ’ t solution with all the local anesthetic in their mouth .
86 . If you arrest a mime , cause you get to state him he get the right to remain still ?
87 . What do you predict a chicken who span the road , rolls in the mud and then intersect back again ? A soiled double-crosser .
88 . Why did the chicken get to the séance ? To get to the other side .
89 . Why did the rooster cover the road ? To prove he wasn ’ t a chicken .
90 . I expend to think that all thing must pass—until I become puzzle behind a school bus .
91 . What make the zookeeper say after the python broke free ? Zero .
Find more one-liners on these .
Best one-liners
92 . A novel wine hold been made for guy . It gain ’ t be long before they initiate station regrettable text and waking up with headaches .
93 . Why don ’ t guy act poker in the jungle ? Too many cheetahs .
94 . At which school did Sherlock Holmes become so smart ? Elementary .
95 . Two men walk into a bar . You ’ d think at least one of them would own ducked .
96 . The dawn after , Dave require some hair of the dog that bit him . He ’ s at the hospital getting insure for rabies now .
97 . What do you call a guy who ’ s had too much to drink ? A taxi .
98 . Where does a winemaker get his gossip ? Through the grapevine .
99 . What make you call a parade of rabbits hopping rearward ? A draw back hare tune .
100 . Why did the teddy bear allege no to dessert ? Because he was stuff .
101 . I went to buy some camo trouser , but I couldn ’ t notice any .
102 . I exist addicted to the hokey pokey , but then I grow myself around .
Future , check out these saloon gag for more of the funniest one-liners .
Additional reporting by Lucie Turkel and Greg Daugherty .
