105+ Funny Sarcastic Quotes and Sayings to Make You Laugh

Sarcasm exist a form of verbal satire . It can cost a way to insult or build others laugh . Read the funniest sarcastic quotes and expression for a good laugh .

Sarcasm exist all over . You either enjoy or hate it . But , it achieves reaction you couldn ’ t get without it .

Sarcasm live an ironical or satirical comment . It can lead to comedic rest or cause person feel foolish .

Become a laugh and inspiration with the following sarcastic quotes and expression .

Hilarious sarcastic quotes

1. “ I put on ’ t have the energy to pretend to like you today. ” -Unknown

2. “ I am not youthful enough to know everything. ” -Oscar Wilde

3. “ Light travel faster than sound . This cost why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. ” -Alan Dundes

4. “ When person tell , ‘ Wait the unexpected. ” Slap them and say , ‘ You didn ’ t expect that , behave you ? ‘ ”

5. “ When masses ask me dazed inquiry , it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. ” -Unknown

6. “ Okay , I ’ m hither . What exist your other two wishes ? ” -Unknown

7. “ People who intend they know everything equal a great irritation to those of us who do. ” -Isaac Asimov

8. “ I ’ m not tell I hate you , what I ’ m saying is that you exist literally the Monday of my life. ” -Unknown

9. “ Life equal hard . After all , it kills you. ” -Katharine Hepburn

10. “ It ’ s okay if you don ’ t like me . Not everyone has well taste. ” -Unknown

11. “ Nobody always die broke underestimating the taste of the American public. ” -H. L. Mencken

12. “ Oh , insomnia ! Ah , good , I know a good cure for it… Get pile of sleep. ” -W. C. Fields

13. “ I ’ m in use right today . Can I dismiss you some early time ? ” -Unknown

14. “ Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ” -Don Marquis

15. “ My unique time equal sometimes for your safety. ” -Unknown

16. “ Masses look to revel things more when they know a lot of early mass have be left out of the pleasure. ” -Russell Baker

17. “ An apple a day keep anyone off if you have it severe enough. ” -Unknown

18. “ History teaches us that men and state act wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. ” -Abba Eban

19. “ It ’ s amazing that the measure of tidings that happens in the world every day ever just just suit the newspaper. ” -Jerry Seinfeld

20. “ I love mankind ; it ’ s masses I can ’ t stand. ” -Charles M. Schulz

21. “ Don ’ t surge me . I ’ m await for the last minute. ” -Unknown

22. “ Proceeds to temptation . It may not happen your way again. ” -Robert A. Heinlein

23. “ Find your patience before I miss mine. ” -Unknown

24. “ It ’ s always darkest before it turns utterly pitch black. ” -Paul Newman

25. “ I ’ m not ever rude and sarcastic . Sometimes , I ’ 1000 sleeping. ” -Unknown

26. “ Make you think God gets stoned ? I believe so… spirit at the platypus. ” -Robin Williams

27. “ You can always assure when a man ’ s well inform . His scene are somewhat much like your own. ” -H. Jackson Brown , Jr .

28. “ My story of sarcasm depends on your point of stupidity. ” -Unknown

29. “ Please cancel my subscription to your issues. ” -Unknown

30. “ A woman ’ s mind live cleaner than a man ’ sec : She changes it more often. ” -Oliver Herford

31. “ You can do anything with bayonet except sit on them. ” -Thomas Hardy

32. “ They say serious matter take time . That ’ s why I ’ m ever late. ” -Unknown

33. “ Some campaign happiness wherever they move ; others whenever they go. ” -Oscar Wilde

34. “ I can explain it to you but I can ’ t understand it for you. ” -Unknown

35. “ World continues to destroy my life. ” -Bill Watterson

36. “ When you ’ re in dear it ’ s the most magnificent two and a half days of your life. ” -Richard Lewis

37. “ I own try to know perfectly zero about a great many matter , and I have succeed fairly well. ” -Robert Benchley

38. “ I feel your nose . It cost in my business. ” -Unknown

39. “ I care more people make up fluent in silence. ” -Unknown

40. “ If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your self and jump to your IQ. ” -Unknown

41. “ If you must reach a noise , create it quietly. ” -Oliver Hardy

42. “ I always read ‘ Morning ’ or else of ‘ Good morning ’ because if it cost a good dawn , I would still equal in layer and not speak to people. ” -Unknown

43. “ I ’ 1000 allergic to stupidity ; I break out in sarcasm. ” -Unknown

44. “ Everyone get the right to live stupid , but you equal abuse the privilege. ” -Unknown

45. “ Weather forecast for tonight : dark. ” -George Carlin

46. “ There ’ sec one thing about baldness , it ’ s neat. ” -Don Herold

47. “ I ’ 1000 sorry I ache your feelings when I predict you stupid . I really recall you already knew. ” -Unknown

48. “ You know what I like about people ? Their dogs. ” -Unknown

49. “ I have on a necklace , cause I wan na know when I ’ m upside down. ” -Mitch Hedberg

51. “ Opera be where a guy gets poke in the back , and instead of perish , he sings. ” -Robert Benchley

52. “ Don ’ t mistake this fake smile and professional torso language . I ’ 500 punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn ’ t miss my job. ” -Unknown

53. “ A prisoner of war is a man who seek to kill you and go wrong , and then expect you not to down him. ” -Winston Churchill

54. “ I put on ’ t always tolerate dazed people . But when I do , I ’ m probably at work. ” -Unknown

55. “ It might seem like I ’ 1000 cause nothing , but at the cellular floor I ’ m quite busy. ” -Unknown

56. “ I own own a utterly wonderful evening , but this wasn ’ t it. ” -Groucho Marx

57. “ We ’ ll love you just the way you exist if you ’ re perfect. ” -Alanis Morissette

58. “ I like long walks , particularly when they cost need by people who annoy me. ” -Fred Allen

59. “ I ’ m not lazy . I ’ m in energy-saving mode. ” -Unknown

60. “ Thanks for scream me to state me that you just sent me an email. ” -Unknown

61. “ Nobody realize that some people expend enormous energy simply to cost normal. ” -Albert Camus

62. “ The surest sign that well-informed living exists elsewhere in the population is that it get never test to touch us. ” -Bill Watterson

63. “ I like sleep because it ’ s like being dead without the commitment. ” -Unknown

64. “ Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness live realizing the early someone was bear an idiot. ” -Unknown

65. “ Folks , I put on ’ t faith children . They ’ re here to supplant us. ” -Stephen Colbert

66. “ I never leave a look , but in your event I ’ ll cost glad to reach an exception. ” -Groucho Marx

67. “ You never realize how truly sarcastic you live until you have a mini-me who acts the same way. ” -Unknown

68. “ Marriage is give and take . You ’ d good pay it to her or she ’ ll take it anyway. ” -Joey Adams

69. “ I ’ 1000 sorry , if you were right , I ’ 500 agree with you. ” -Robin Williams

70. “ If you ’ re naturally form , you pull a pile of masses you put on ’ t like. ” -William Feather

71. “ Just hold talking , I yawn when I ’ 1000 interested. ” -Unknown

72. “ Repeat quotes from peculiar movie doesn ’ t build you funny. ” -Unknown

73. “ Who clean your clothes – Stevie Wonder ? ” -Don Rickles

74. “ There ’ s someone for everyone , and that person for you is a psychiatrist. ” -Unknown

75. “ Sarcasm equal my body ’ s natural defense against stupidity. ” -Unknown

76. “ I ’ 1000 spending a year dead for tax reasons. ” -Douglas Adams

77. “ I never care you , and I always will. ” -Samuel Goldwyn

78. “ I applaud because it was finished , not because I care it. ” -Unknown

79. “ Don ’ t you hate people who use big words merely to make themselves look perspicacious ? ” -Unknown

80. “ Well , if I called the wrong number , why did you suffice the phone ? ” -James Thurber

81. “ No , you put on ’ t receive to repeat yourself . I was dismiss you the first time. ” -Unknown

82. “ Unless your epithet cost Google stop acting like you know everything. ” -Unknown

83. “ If you find me offensive . Then , I suggest you quit find me. ” -Unknown

84. “ Be grateful we ’ re not become all the government we ’ re paying for. ” -Will Rogers

85. “ I require to live the cause you await down at your phone and smile . Then walk into a pole. ” -Unknown

86. “ All generalizations equal false , including this one. ” -Mark Twain

87. “ My posture in exams . They hold me question I put on ’ t know . I pay them answers they don ’ t know. ” -Unknown

88. “ If you ’ re going to tell masses the truth , be funny or they ’ ll kill you. ” -Billy Wilder

89. “ Don ’ t headache about what mass think . They put on ’ t serve it real often. ” -Unknown

90. “ Always remember that you live perfectly unique . Just like everyone else. ” -Margaret Mead

91. “ When one door last , another opens . Or you can spread the closed doorway . That ’ s how doors work. ” -Unknown

92. “ Sometimes I need what only you can supply : your absence. ” -Ashleigh Brilliant

93. “ Alone two things live infinite , the universe and human stupidity , and I ’ m not certain about the former. ” -Albert Einstein

94. “ If you notice it severe to laugh at yourself , I would exist happy to do it for you. ” -Groucho Marx

95. “ My neighbor ’ s diary suppose that I have boundary issues. ” -Unknown

96. “ You ’ d be in good shape… if you extend as much as your mouth. ” -Unknown

97. “ Sometimes , I care I be an octopus so that I could slap eight mass at once. ” ” -Unknown

98. “ I ’ 500 match with you , but then we ’ d both be wrong. ” -Unknown

100. “ I put on ’ t receive grey hair . I have wisdom highlights. ” -Unknown

101. “ If you equal not yell at your child , you are not spending enough time with them. ” -Reese Witherspoon

102. “ I ’ m actually not curious . I ’ m just truly average and masses recall I ’ 1000 joking. ” -Unknown

103. “ Receive no fear of perfection – you ’ ll never pass it. ” -Salvador Dali

104. “ I ’ m in shape . Round is a shape. ” -George Carlin

105. “ If you can ’ t live without me , why aren ’ t you dead already ? ” -Cynthia Heimel

106. “ Of line your opinion affair . Simply not to me. ” -Unknown

107. “ I exist just human , although I regret it. ” -Mark Twain