114 Bible Jokes That’ll Lift Your Spirits
Holy scriptures should be taken very seriously, as well as any faith in general. Yet, living by the Holy Word does not mean one isn’t allowed to have some good old-fashioned clean fun! And this is our cue to bring you our list of the best Bible jokes any faithful one will find funny, if not a bit silly or maybe at times even cheesy. But that’s for the better!
These Christian jokes/memes are filled with funny puns that every kid will find hilarious and every dad will find worthy of memorizing. From fishy oceans to ancient Egypt, no stone is left unturned in resurrecting this form of innocent entertainment. But you will figure this out by yourself if you check our list! So, believe in the fun these Church jokes give; they will make your days brighter. Also, these Bible dad jokes multiply the giggles, so be careful reading them at work!
Well then, are you truly ready to find out who put the Ha- in Hallelujah? Prepared to accept the fun into your day? If so, scroll down below and check out our funny Bible jokes! Besides, there are also some pretty cool Bible jokes for kids here, which might give you an hour of respite if you’re taking care of a flock of little ones.
Once you’ve reached the end of this list, be sure to vote for the best jokes so they find their way to the top of this roster. Also, it would be very Christian of you to share this article with your friends, don’t you think?
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
When is medicine first mentioned in the Bible?
When God gave Moses two tablets.
According to Mel Brooks he got 3, but accidentally dropped one.
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
What Does the Bible Say About Jokes?
Such a question is no laughing matter for sure! While the Bible doesn’t specifically address the topic of funny Christian jokes in a direct manner, there definitely are verses on the use of language and communication in general. So, while it might be workings of interpretation, based on them, we can safely assume that these clean Bible jokes are a-okay.
Here are the verses we’d like to ground our observations on:
“A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!”
This verse emphasizes the power of words when they are used wisely and skillfully. That could also include humor in appropriate situations.
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Again, this verse doesn’t speak directly about clean bible jokes, but it does emphasize the effects of joy. Thus, it suggests that humor and laughter are good for one’s health!
“Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk, or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.”
Now, this is a quote directly on coarse jokes, warning us not to use humor that’s inappropriate and always pick the Jesus jokes that are light-hearted and well-intended.
Generally, the Bible encourages believers to use language and words wisely and respectfully and with good intentions only. And, as with everything in life, context is crucial for these Bible jokes to become truly funny!
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
This is supposed to say “Hell”. *Boil the hell out of it*
Heard this joke years ago.
Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Did Eve have a date with Adam?
No, just an apple.
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
When was meat first mentioned in the Bible?
When Noah took ham into the ark.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What’s a missionary’s favorite type of car?
A convertible.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Wouldn’t it be the other way around? It’s called mansplaining for a reason!
When is the first math homework problem mentioned in the Bible?
When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.
I went running with my Bible…
Now my Psalms are sweaty.
What’s a miracle that can be done by a complainer?
Turning anything into whine.
New Biblical computer: multiplies chips,cookies and wafers.
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
He kept his prophets in the banks of the Sea of Galilee..
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
“And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best.”
Sony 16:9.
“Guys pray for my friend. He told me he only believed 12.5% of the bible…
He said he’s an eighth theist.”
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
The thief that stole my diary and my Bible died today.
My thoughts and prayers are with his family.
Recently, I’ve been using the Bible for support.
I’ve got a wobbly coffee table.
Sadly that is very true ,probably, for a lot of people.
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Why did the hawk sit on the church steeple?
Because it was a bird of pray.
Why did the minister place a holy bird on the offering plate: to make sure no one was Robbin from it.
Why are there no Hondas in the bible?
Because Jesus never spoke of his own Accord.
What was the first vehicle mentioned in the Bible?
They were all in one Accord.
Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
Nebuchadnezzar — he was on grass for seven years.
Why couldn’t the Israelites initially enter the Promised Land?
It wasn’t the Pinky Promised Land.
What did Adam say to Eve when handing her something to wear?
“Take it or leaf it.”
How do pastors like their orange juice?
With pulpit.
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
He thought he saw a job.
On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
Quackers.
Noah was good at cards he always played from a full deck.
How do we know Moses wore a wig?
Because sometimes he was with Aaron and sometimes he wasn’t.
Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
The area around the River Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
I’m reading a book that compares the different versions of the Bible.
Turns out, there is a lot of cross referencing.
Trump’s Twitter is like the Christian Bible.
Both believers and nonbelievers read it to reinforce their views.
Problems are like Bible salesmen…
If you pretend that they are not there, sooner or later they disappear.
But, my friend, the God of the Bible never will. He is eternal. “I am” Exodus 3:14.
Who was the greatest female businessperson in the Bible?
Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Pirates thought he was weak He had a sunken chest.
Why didn’t anyone want to fight Goliath?
It seemed like a giant ordeal.
What was the first word out of Adam’s mouth when he first saw Eve?
Whoa man! Thus, the word “woman” was created.
Told this joke to my wife and she left me for another man!!!!!
Yo mama is so old that she’s mentioned in the shout out at the end of the Bible.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
What Bible character rode in the first submarine? Jonah.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
Wouldn’t he say that on Christmas though? Because he is saying that it’s Christmas…to Eve…
Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
Ruthless.
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun.
At Sunday School the children were learning how according to the Bible God created everything, including human beings.
Johnny paid particular attention when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later that week, Johnny’s mother found him lying on his bed as though he were ill, and asked him, “Johnny, what’s the matter?”
Johnny replied, “I’ve got a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
Who is the biggest sinner in the bible?
Moses, he broke all the commandments at once.
There’s a lot of crossover between the Bible and Spongebob?
Both are quite holey.
The bible is one of the best-selling books in the world.
It’s very prophetable.
What do you call the parts of the Bible without Moses?
Mosn’t.
The Holy Bible is proven to be 100% accurate.
When thrown at a close-range, especially.
Well actually, him and his apostles were all in one accord. So the answer is a Honda.
How did the 12 disciples travel?
By driving a Honda. The Bible says they were all in one Accord.
What did the lawyer ask when someone started talking about God’s will?
“Was it notarized?”
What’s a Christian’s favorite card game?
Eucharist.
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple.
What do they call pastors in Germany?
German Shepherds.
Which biblical character was the youngest to speak foul language?
Job, because he cursed the day he was born.
How do we know Adam was a Baptist?
Only a Baptist could stand next to a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit.
I think I have a bible fetish.
I just came to that revelation.
A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.
On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, “what are you doing?”. The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, “looking for a loophole.”
Trying to read multiple versions of The Bible at the same time is really difficult.
You have to do a lot of… cross referencing.
In the bible, Samson was a tough man.
But his father Samsonite was a real hard case.
There are only two instruments mentioned in the Bible.
Trumpets and saxophones when they mention the “wailing of the damned.”
The Bible has so many fantastic stories.
It’s unbelievable!
What is the best way to study the Bible?
You Luke into it.
How do you know that atoms are Catholic?
They have Mass.
Who was the shortest man in the Bible?
Nehemiah (knee-high-miah).
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
Because they were using “fowl” language.
Who was the 1st surfer in the Bible?
Paul. In Acts, he “came ashore on a board”!
To what extent did Cain abhor his sibling?
For whatever length of time that he was Abel.
Which king in the Bible preferred to do everything alone?
King Solomon.
Which nursery song would Jesus have heard the most?
“Mary Had a Little Lamb.”
Which book of the major prophets is the easiest to understand?
EZekiel.
What types of boats do believers want to go on?
Discipleship and worship.
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
He froze the holy water and made popesicles and sold them.
If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
What sort of lights were on Noah’s Ark?
Floodlights.
My uncle got shot by a stray bullet. By some miracle, he had a bible in his jacket pocket.
So he had something to read as he bled to death.
How do we know that cars are in the New Testament?
Because Jesus was a car-painter (carpenter).
For what reason did the falcon sit on the congregation steeple?
Since it was a feathered creature of ask.
What do you call a prophet who’s also a chef?
Habakkuk.
How did Paul greet his friend?
“Give me Phi-lemon!”
How did Jacob cheer on his grandson?
“You’re the Manasseh!”
What do you call person who’s read every word of the Bible cover to cover twice?
An atheist.
Is baseball mentioned in the bible?
Yes!
In the “big inning.”
Do priests who do mass without a bible…
Doing it priestyle?
The Bible is not a very good book.
But Noah’s arc was flooded with good story.
How is number π like the Bible?
Both are believed to contain all the wisdom mankind will ever have. Most people think that one of them has a proven value. While the other is irrational.
I went to Hell for burning a Bible and shooting up the ashes with a syringe.
I guess I shouldn’t have taken the Lord’s name in vein.
I started a new job and was handed a book.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“This is our work bible” replied the manager.
“Why call it a Bible?”
“Because it’s written by man and it’s full of errors.”
Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist?
She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
The blend of humor and faith can produce genuinely engaging and light-hearted moments.
Exploring the power of jovial expression rooted in faith, the incorporation of humorous elements can be likened to the use of corny jokes juxtaposed against absurd imagery. This unconventional pairing can amplify the charm of simple jokes, creating a delightful balance between reverence and amusement.
Aivaras Kaziukonis
Aivaras Kaziukonis
Justė Kairytė – Barkauskienė
Justė Kairytė – Barkauskienė
I think some of them are funny but the evil of the world is included in a lot of them.
1. I wanted to go jogging but Proverbs 28:1 says “The wicked run when no one is chasing them” so there’s that.
2. All men should make coffee for their women; it says it right in the Bible “Hebrews”.
3. I wish Adam and Eve could have been Cajuns; they would have ignored the apple and ate the snake.
4. The oldest computer can be tracked back to Adam and Eve. Surprise! Surprise! It was an Apple. But with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. Then everything crashed.
5. You come from dust, you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust; it could be someone I know.
6. I’m on my second guardian angel; my first one quit and is now in therapy.
None of these is as good as two jokes from Red Dwarf: “I’m a lapsed agnostic: I believe in god, I’m just not sure I trust him” and “I’m a Christian scientist: I dissect archbishops”
I think some of them are funny but the evil of the world is included in a lot of them.
1. I wanted to go jogging but Proverbs 28:1 says “The wicked run when no one is chasing them” so there’s that.
2. All men should make coffee for their women; it says it right in the Bible “Hebrews”.
3. I wish Adam and Eve could have been Cajuns; they would have ignored the apple and ate the snake.
4. The oldest computer can be tracked back to Adam and Eve. Surprise! Surprise! It was an Apple. But with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. Then everything crashed.
5. You come from dust, you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust; it could be someone I know.
6. I’m on my second guardian angel; my first one quit and is now in therapy.
None of these is as good as two jokes from Red Dwarf: “I’m a lapsed agnostic: I believe in god, I’m just not sure I trust him” and “I’m a Christian scientist: I dissect archbishops”
