125 Funny Phrases To Stun Even The Most Expressful Friend
We can all come up with quite a number of savage comebacks, remarks, or just simply funny phrases to respond to someone. However, it’s usually too late, the conversation has ended, you’re in the shower, and it’s only the soap bar and shampoo bottles listening to you. Worry not! This list will provide you with the funniest comebacks and remarks, ready to use on the go.
If you ever wondered what kind of funny catchphrases you could use in a conversation with your friends, the options are limitless. Here on this list, gathered today are funny sayings. From hilarious one-liners expressing your innermost feelings to more creative and funny alternatives for the famous “hold my beer.”
There are also perfectly summed-up sentences about the struggles in life that we might experience, but of course, with a dash of comedy to add that spice into our lives that we might be missing.
So if you’re all out of funny phrases to say to your friends, dig into this list and expand your dictionary of snappy comebacks!
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then it’s suspicious.
I’m sorry, I have to go. You’re boring me to death and my survival instincts are kicking in.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert opinion.
…but recently I had a fight with myself, and now we don’t talk…
Whoever said, “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.”
see…..if it’s their bedroom? i just stay out of it…
I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lazy, but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex.
Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it.
I am swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. 8 days ago.
When people tell me, “You’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver.
When you wake up sober on Monday morning, it’s probably a Tuesday noon.
If you’re not supposed to eat at night, then why is there a light bulb in the fridge?
Don’t vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones at the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on.
I stopped fighting my inner demons, we’re on the same side now.
This could be described as my life’s greatest achievement
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
Birthdays are good for you. Studies show that people who have the most of them live the longest.
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Why? This one will be easy to guess, everybody wins. No? Ok.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Some days you’re the bird. Some days you’re the statue.
Sometimes I think being reborn as a gull or pigeon could be fun
It might look like I’m doing nothing. But, in my head, I’m quite busy.
Doing nothing is actually exhausting – you never know when you’re done
Don’t you tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
Hmmmm… what about “the sun is the limit?” I betcha nobody’s been there!
I always say “Morning” instead of “Good morning”—if it were a good morning, I’d still be sleeping and not talking to people!
My boss always begins with ‘Good morning’, and then he proceeds to tell me why it isn’t.
I’m not sluggish. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.
As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
They say don’t try this at home… so I went to my friend’s home!
how’s dog feel about all this? or is it all about you?
I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my own food. I have no idea where sandwiches live.
Whatever you’re doing, always give 100 percent. Unless you’re donating blood.
Don’t you wish they made a clap-on-clap-off device for some people’s mouths?
Those who criticize our generation seem to forget who raised it!
The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day.
A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
that may be how you find out you’re wroing, really
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
Advil is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
a bank is a place that will give you money if you can prove you can take it
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
People say ‘Go big or go home’ like going home is a bad thing.
If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people.
Think nothing is impossible? Try slamming a revolving door.
Sometimes I laugh but I don’t get the joke, it’s just ridiculously easy to make me laugh. Even if other people laugh and I don’t know why, I’ll laugh because they’re laughing. The rules do not apply to me!
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an opponent so clearly unarmed.
Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer.
It’s never ‘Did you have a good day’, it’s , So how was your day today?’
Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone.
*mock gasp* As an avid daydreamer, I am insulted! /s
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
your voices talk only to me because they know how jealous you are
I’d be offended, but I’m too busy mentally correcting your errors.
If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off of it!
Like from the edges, you mean? Damn, I wandered off to the dodgy corner of the internets again.
Chocolate doesn’t ask any questions. Chocolate simply understands.
They say money doesn’t bring you happiness. Still, it is better to verify things for yourself.
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
I thought wine was the answer……. but i don’t really remember what the question was
Don’t worry, if Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
I didn’t fall down. I did attack the floor, though.
I didn’t “fall” because I’m clumsy, I just do random gravity checks
Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.
You’re in real trouble if your arguing with yourself turns into a fist fight.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
World Magazine has come out with a new survey: Apparently, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception.
Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong.
The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions.
If you think the problems I create are bad, wait to see my solutions!
The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a second checkout lane.
Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.
I’m never wrong. I’m just different levels of right.
My wallet is like an onion. Every time I open it, it makes me cry.
I finally found a machine at the gym that I like: the vending machine!
My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
if you two weren’t always winding him up like you do…
A diamond is just a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.
How many times must I flush before you finally go away?
A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth.
They say crime doesn’t pay. So does my current job make me a criminal?
They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm, but I don’t want even the slightest risk.
All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
We can’t all be princesses. Someone has to wave when I roll by.
When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
There are people who are living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death.
My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.
I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!
I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I had the right to remain silent, I just didn’t have the ability.
You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella.
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, find the person that life handed vodka to, and have a party.
If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Somebody said today that I’m lazy. I nearly answered him.
If you can’t live without me, then why aren’t you dead yet?
See also Ken Dodd: “How can I miss you if you won’t go away?”
God created the world. Everything else is made in China.
And all the electrical appliances and gadgets are made in Japan
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.
I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.
Confessions may be great for your soul, but they are hell for your reputation.
Your bank account can always be overdrawn. It’ll never be overfilled.
I’m not ignoring the alarm clock, I’m waiting to see who breaks first.
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
I’m jealous of my parents. I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs, one who is smart, has devilishly good looks, and knows all sorts of funny sayings.
You know what they say—dynamite comes in small packages.
Change is inevitable, except from a parking meter.
Do people talk about you behind your back?
Simply fart.
There is no lousy weather, only lousy choice of clothing.
AZ had 31 consecutive days over 110° this summer. Just saying.
I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my food. Where does pasta even live?
It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has avarage taste.
Want to know what it’s like to have the best kid in the world? You’ll have to ask Grandma and Grandpa.
With a face like yours, you have a good chance in a lawsuit against your parents.
Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bare arms!
In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, I’m going to shake you off.
Everyone is today years old when they find out coriander is dead and dry cilantro.
Neilas Šurkus
Neilas Šurkus
Saimonas Lukošius
Saimonas Lukošius
Marisha Kazaryan
