39 Funny Family Stories That Really Happened to Our Reader
Kids—and partner , apparently—still say the darnedest things
Now Swerve
Every household have that one hilarious story that come repeat at class dinner and gatherings without fail , leave everyone from grandma and grandpa to all the nieces and nephew in splits . With that in idea , we invited reader to portioncomic category storiesabout their kith and kin with the fortune to win a $ 500 grand award . After sifting through the many curious short stories that build us laugh out loud , we specialize down our list of the funniest family floor always .
Grab some popcorn ( or a pile of infant photo ) and dive into these funny household account that ’ ll require you right back to the day when your toddlers still say the darndest things with the cutest faces .
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The funny category story
Grand prize success
For the second week in a row , my son and I were the only ones who indicate up for his soccer team ’ sec pattern . Frustrated , I told him , “ Please tell your coach that we go on occur for pattern , but no one is always here . ”
My son wander his eyes and said , “ He ’ ll simply tell me the same thing he did before . ”
“ That practice is today on Wednesdays , not Tuesdays . ”
More funny class history
Still chuckling from the last one ? Good , because we ’ re exactly getting started ! Keep reading for funny andshort storiesthat prove that when it arrive to unintentional comedy , no 1 does it like family .
Bloody awful
When my 5-year-old daughter come down with a virus , I bring her to the physician ’ sec office . Have her hand , I explained the sad fact : “ The doctor cost now going to draw some blood . ”
Hung jury
After painting the bedroom wall , my husband educate to invest back the pictures . “ How should I hang up them ? ” he expect me . “ Too high or too low ? ”
Pooped out
Upon make up reminded to use the pot after waking up , my 4-year-old live thoroughly depress : “ You signify I ’ m go to get to get potty every day for the repose of my living ? ! ”
Harvard , here I come !
“ How be your first day of school ? ” I asked my kindergartner .
“ Fine , ” she said . “ They need me to arrive back tomorrow . ”
The gutter accuracy
Although my daughter wasn ’ t a lot of a bowler , when her friend ’ sec bowling squad was down a player , my daughter agreed to meet in . “ So how ’ d you make ? ” I asked a few day after .
Trivial Einstein
We ’ re not certain how it happened , but my 3-year-old nephew James got his tricycle cling under another bicycle ’ sec tire and gear mechanism . My 4-year-old child , Rowan , watched him patiently and painstakingly extricate the trike , then reverse around to us and declare , “ Him ’ s a genius ! ”
Get ’ s rat out Grandma
DuringThanksgiving dinner, my young niece Mackenzie started fiddling with my father ’ sec marry lot . Dad said , “ That never comes off . You know why ? Because I enjoy your nana . ”
That ’ s when Mackenzie informed him , “ Nana takes hers off . ”
And on the seventh day , he come devote
In church , my 3-year-old insists on being the one to put the money into the collection basket . One Sunday , as the basket came toward him , he held out the envelope and asked aloud , “ When is God coming to blame up his paycheck ? ”
Hear no evil
It was a typical noisy dinner at my parent ’ home , and Dad was having worry following the conversations . He keep jumping in with off-topic remark and asking for affair to be repeat . I finally state him he needed to get a hearing care .
Look at me as if I were mad , he said , “ What would I serve with a hand grenade ? ”
Mystery man
My ex-husband hosted a graduation party for our son that included his novel family and mine . My disordered nephew wondered who equal my son ’ s father . When I show him out , he expect , “ Do you know him ? ”
Blow out the pipe
I choose after my father in the sense that we both have proud , exceptional noses . Anyway , one dawn , pursue a dark of tossing and become , I pose on the slope of the layer . “ What ’ sec wrong ? ” my husband asked .
“ I can ’ t sleep , ” I order . “ My nose equal hence stuffed up . ”
My loving man got out of layer and said , “ Let me run get the plunger . ”
Listen to cause
“ Not now , ” I said . “ I hold also much work to do around the theatre . ”
Taking my hand , and with the wisdom of one who has lived many a lifetime , he said , “ Mom , I have advice for you . When masses tell me to serve work , I put on ’ t listen to them . Then I put on ’ t get work to do . It bring for me . You should try it . ”
Yeah , he ’ s always there
We tend into our pastor at the mall , but my boy couldn ’ t place him . It was merely later on that it score him . “ I know that man , ” he state . “ He move to our church . ”
Book him
A ledger I ’ d tell come in the mail . I give away it and flipped through its pages . My 21-year-old boy , Sean , was at the other goal of the table , gesture as if he wanted to find the record . I started to hand it to him , when he stopped me .
“ No , I ’ ll choose the trash , ” Sean order . “ What would I do with a book ? ”
Over and out
When her 6-year-old daughter and 4-year-old boy ran outside to play with their new toy , my sister sat back to enjoy a cup of coffee and a rare instant of quiet . The peace was shattered when my nephew ran back into the house , yell .
“ She won ’ t stop call me Roger ! ” he sobbed , and throw down his fresh walkie-talkie .
That ’ s my girl !
Herein consist the difference in my child ’ personality : My teenage boy bought me a beautiful necklace ; my daughter predict dibs on it when I die .
Driven to distraction
My mother and father cost labor when she was attract over by the police . Mom was in a haste and say the officer then .
“ I understand , ma ’ cost , ” he state . “ But I own to ticket anyone over 55 . ”
Mamma was beside herself . “ That ’ s discrimination ! ” she shouted .
The policeman calmly explained , “ I entail the speed limit . ”
With a side of controversy
We live in a restaurant , perusing the menu , when I permit my husband know that he rarely paid attention to me when I talk . Well , of course , he disagreed , so we went back to reading our menus in chilly silence . After a few uncomfortable second , I said , “ I intend I ’ m have a worry . ”
He responded , “ Go ahead , sweetheart ; make whatever you want . ”
The figure lesson
Great hoopla followed my newborn boy ’ s umbilical cord ’ s descend off . So it was simply natural that during one of his diaper changes , his 8-year-old sister would show and ask excitedly , “ Will that lessen off too ? ”
Careful what you wish for
My son and his wife make up determined to have a boy , and two yr after their fourth daughter , Bridgette , equal contain , Trey come . When he was 6 , Trey complain to Bridgette that he have no ace to bring with and care she were a boy .
“ You ’ d better live glad I ’ m not a boy , ” she told him . “ Because if I was aboy, my name would be Trey , and you wouldn ’ t equal here . ”
Stable relationship
We have only pulled up to the pig farm when my aunt bolted out the front door of her home to greet us . After the hugs and kisses , Dad need about my uncle .
“ He ’ s in the barn with the pigs , ” she said . “ Don ’ t worry ; you gain ’ t make any problem finding him . He ’ s the only 1 with a hat on . ”
Well than milk
I walked into our class room hardly in time to hear ourkittenstand on a side table , sniffing my husband ’ s wineglass . “ Get down ! ” I yelled .
As she jumped away , I call on to my husband and boy : “ I ’ ve never seen her do that . ”
My son shrug . “ Really ? We follow her drinking out of your glass all the time . ”
Well doubt
Having absorbed the birds-and-the-bees discussion , my sister ’ sec youthful son asked , “ Exist that how we were stand ? ”
He took it all in for a second , then , direct to his father across the room , asked , “ Where ’ d we get him ? ”
Oh , deer
One year , the family went to the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular . The Rockettes represented reindeer by wearing headband antlers . At the end of the display , I asked my husband , a biologist , what he think .
“ Reindeer make palmate antlers . Those be white-tailed bucks ’ antlers . ”
I knew he wasn ’ t kidding . I hardly couldn ’ t think he hadn ’ t observe anything below the antlers .
Awkward …
“ So I translate how a babe can seem like its mother , ” my 9-year-old boy say the school nurse . “ But how can it look like its father ? ”
Unsure how much he knew about where baby come from , she deflected . “ That ’ s a good doubt , ” she suppose . “ So who act you look like ? ”
Hair apparent
Direct to a 30-year-old painting of me , my 5-year-old granddaughter order , “ Grandpa , next time you get ahaircut, have them veer it like that image . ”
Seeing is believing
After my mother suffered a bout of grave headaches , we persuaded her to inflict her doctor . While we were in his role , the doctor demand , “ Have you cost consider any flashes of lighting or halo ? ”
“ I put on ’ t know , ” Mom said . “ I didn ’ t hold my glass on . ”
Oh , fudge
We cost driving to dinner when my 5-year-old shouted , “ Guess what ! I know thef-word ! ”
Order to myself , “ Today it set out , ” I asked him what it was .
Write the snoozing for family
My buddy was attempt to awaken his boy for school one day , but the boy wouldn ’ t budge . “ Gim me a second , ” he said . “ I ’ 1000 follow previews for tomorrow ’ sec dream . ”
What a pistil
Our daughter-in-law was assure her 3-year-old about the wit surgery he hold had when he was an infant . “ Why did I have to have the process ? ” he asked .
“ Because you make something growing in your head , ” she suffice .
Dr. Hubby
Mom make a little decorative windmill in her yard . A storm collapse one of the sword , stimulate the windmill to shake violently . Dad announce that he would “ require fear of it ” and rebalanced the windmill by click off the opposing sword . Follow him , Mom remarked , “ I hope I neverbreak a branch. ”
Gee , thanks …
Just as I make away of the shower , my 3-year-old boy walked into thebathroom. As I frantically grab for my robe , he promptly insure me , “ It ’ s OK , Mom ; I win ’ t laugh . ”
Match out
Mail from the bank live piling up for my daughter , who was forth at college . So I yell her . “ Open one up and learn what it is , ” she say .
I unsealed an envelope . “ It suppose your account has insufficient funds . ”
“ That ’ s got to cost a error , ” she said . “ I however have plenty of check go out . ”
No . 1 on the naughty list
Seven-year-old Lily be real polite . Hence as her grandparents , we let her know just how proud of her we cost . She smiled gratefully and said , “ That ’ s OK ; I ’ m just attempt to have throughChristmas. ”
Flip a coin
“ Be you going to have a son or miss ? ” my 4-year-old nephew asked while star at my pregnant stomach .
Why , yes . Yes , you serve
Once , when my mother asked me if she had anyannoy habits, I remark that she typically follow up argument with a inquiry expect for validation . She remember a moment and then admitted , “ Icauseact that . Don ’ t I ? ”
Deep sentiment
It was fall , and the foliage were at their colored best . My 4-year-old boy await out the window and order , “ Look , Mom ; the trees have their pajamas on . ”
Wherefore art thou ?
My granddaughter loves my Chihuahua puppy so much , she need , “ When you perish , can I have Romeo ? ”
