55 Hilarious Long Jokes With Stories To Tell

Welcome to the world of long jokes, where humor and storytelling intertwine to bring laughter to our lives.

In this collection of anecdotes, we’ll explore the realms of talking parrots, psychic dogs, lost tourists, smart salesmen, and many other amusing characters.

Humor, as we all know, can be quite subjective, but we’ll attempt to tickle your funny bone with a diverse range of tales.

Given the sheer number of jokes, we’ll focus on just 30 to keep things manageable.

Relax and enjoy the laughter as we dive into these witty stories.

Top 55 Long Jokes:

1. The Talking Parrota MAN goes to the pet store and buys a talking parrot he Takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things but instead the parrot just swears at him after A few hours of this the man finally gets fed up.
2. The Psychic Dog: A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, “You can’t bring that dog in here.” The man replies, “But this is no ordinary dog, this dog can talk.” “Listen, pal,” the bartender says, “if that dog can talk, I’ll give you a hundred bucks.” The owner looks at the dog and says, “Fido, what’s the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from getting inside?” The dog answers “ROOF.” “Listen, pal…” the bartender starts to say, but the owner interrupts, “Wait, wait… he’s not finished. Fido, how does sandpaper feel?” “RUFF.” The bartender roars, “Get out of here!” As they’re walking out the door, the dog turns to his owner and asks, “DiMaggio?”
3. The Math Exam: A young college student was having trouble with his final math exam. He knew his professor was a golf lover, so he came up with a scheme. He told the professor, “If I can hit a golf ball into that cup from here, will you give me an A?” The professor, amused and curious, agreed. The student swung and to the professor’s surprise, the ball went right into the cup. “Okay,” said the professor, “I’ll give you an A, but only if you can tell me your golf score.” The student replied, “Well, with that hole-in-one, I’d say it’s -1.”
4. The Smart Salesman: A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bully his way into a woman’s home in a rural area. “This machine is the best ever, I assure you ma’am,” he says. “It can clean anything. In fact, I’ll give you a demonstration. If this machine doesn’t remove all the dirt from your carpets and completely clean them, I’ll eat whatever it leaves!” The woman smiles and asks, “Would you like ketchup or mayonnaise on your dirt? We don’t have electricity here.”
5. The Fisherman’s Tale: A fisherman returns from his fishing trip and tells his friends, “I caught a fish that was so big, when I got it onto the boat, the boat sank.” “That sounds like a whopper,” his friend replies. “It was,” says the fisherman. “But that’s not the best part. When I swam back to shore, I found the fish sitting there waiting for me.”
6. The Lost Tourist: A tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally checking his map to get back on track. After some time, he realizes he is lost. Fortunately, he spots a cab and hails it. He instructs the driver to take him to the most popular tourist spot. The cabbie turns around and says, “No problem, mate. Here we are!”
7. The Wise Farmerthe BIG-CITY lawyer went duck hunting in rural areas he Shot and dropped a bird but it fell into a farmers field on the other side of a fence the Old farmer asked him what he was doing the litigator responded i shot a duck and it fell into this field And.
8. The Honest Neighbora MAN is struggling to find a parking space lord Prays i can’t STAND this if you Open a space for me i swear i WILL give up the drink and go to mass every sunday suddenly The Clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot.
9. The Late Night Phone Callin The middle of the night a man gets a phone call from his doctor the Doctor says i HAVE some good news and some bad news the Man says okay Give me the good news first the Doctor says the Good news is you have 24 hours to live.
10. The Optimistic Sonwhen TRYING to teach his son the evils of alcohol he put a worm In a glass of water and another in a glass of whiskey the worm in the water Lived while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
11. The Smart Parrot: A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, “Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” The lady was furious and continued on her way. On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said “Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!” She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again. The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. “Hey, lady!” it squawked, “Yes?” She paused. “You know.”
12. The Bar Competition: A man walks into a bar and notices a competition being held. “Whoever can make this horse laugh, wins free drinks for the whole night,” says the bartender. A man gets up, whispers in the horse’s ear and it starts laughing. “You win,” says the bartender and gives him free drinks for the night. The next night, the competition is still on. “Whoever can make this horse cry, wins free drinks for the whole night,” says the bartender. The same man gets up, walks over to the horse, and it starts crying. The bartender asks, “How did you do that?” The man replies, “Yesterday, I told him I was bigger than him. Today, I showed him.”
13. The Divorce Lawyerwhat DO you charge for a divorce lawyer?
14. The Fish and the Genie: A man fishing at a river is about to throw his third catch back into the water when the fish speaks. “Please,” it begs, “spare my life and I’ll grant you three wishes.” “Okay,” says the man. “I wish for a big mansion, a shiny sports car, and a million dollars.” “Done,” says the fish. “Now please throw me back.” The man agrees, tossing the fish back into the river. He then starts to walk away, but then he stops, turns around and says, “Hey, you didn’t grant my wishes!” The fish calls out, “And you didn’t believe I could talk!”
15. The Speeding Driver: A man is speeding down a highway when he gets pulled over by a cop. The officer comes up to the car and says, “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?” The man replies, “I’m sorry officer, I was rushing to a lecture about the negative impacts of alcohol abuse and the importance of staying within the law.” Intrigued, the officer asks, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?” The man smirks and says, “My wife.”
16. The Pianist: A man walks into a bar and sees a piano player, but the piano player is only a foot tall. He asks the bartender, “What’s with the tiny piano player?” The bartender says, “Oh, I found a magic lamp and the genie granted me a wish, but he’s hard of hearing. I asked for a twelve-inch pianist!”
17. The Church Bells: A bishop advertises a job to ring the bell in his tower. The only job applicant is a hunchback with no arms. Bishop: “How can you do the job? You can’t pull the rope!” Hunchback: “I have a plan – but we have to go to the top of the tower, where the bell is.” ..So they climb all those stairs to the top of the tower. Bishop: “Ok, show me your plan.” The hunchback runs and jumps at the bell, striking it with his head. Sure enough, he rings the bell. The bishop says, “That’s amazing! …but you’ll get a headache.” The hunchback replies, “No problem, I’ll get used to it.” And he gets the job. One day, the hunchback decides to put a little extra into his bell ringing, so he steps back, and then runs and jumps at the bell, and hits it with his head – but he missed, slips, and falls off the tower, plummeting to his death. A crowd gathers and a policeman arrives. A bystander asks, “Do you know this man?” The cop replies, “No, but his face rings a bell.”
18. The Perfect Man: A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Brian!” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Brian Sullivan. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time.” Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” Cabbie: “Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.” Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.” Cabbie: “There’s more… He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right.” Passenger: “Wow. Some guy then.” Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan.” Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?” Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I’m married to his widow.”
19. The Lie Detector: A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. “Son, where were you today?” The son says, “At school, dad.” Robot slaps the son. “Okay, I watched a DVD at my friend’s house!” “What DVD?” “Kung Fu Panda.” Robot slaps the son. “Okay, it was an adult film!” Dad yells, “What? When I was your age I didn’t know what an adult film was!” Robot slaps the dad. Mom laughs, “He’s certainly your son!” Robot slaps the mom.
20. The Exorcism: A man goes to a priest and says, “Father, my son is possessed by a mute spirit.” The priest replies, “Sorry, I can’t help. I can’t deal with silent treatment.”
21. The Silent Treatment: A husband and wife were having a fight. The wife decided to go for the silent treatment. The husband, realizing he was in trouble, wrote on a piece of paper: “Wake me up at 6 AM, I have a flight.” The next morning, he woke up at 9 AM and missed his flight. Furious, he saw a piece of paper on the bedside table: “Wake up, it’s 6 AM.”
22. The Optimist and the Pessimist: There were twin boys of five or six. Worried that the boys had developed extreme personalities – one was a total pessimist, the other a total optimist – their parents took them to a psychiatrist. First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with brand-new toys. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. “What’s the matter?” the psychiatrist asked, baffled. “Don’t you want to play with any of the toys?” “Yes,” the little boy bawled, “but if I did I’d only break them.” Next the psychiatrist treated the optimist. Trying to dampen his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist emitted just the yelp of delight the psychiatrist had been hoping to hear from his brother, the pessimist. Then he clambered to the top of the pile, dropped to his knees, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands. “What do you think you’re doing?” the psychiatrist asked, just as baffled by the optimist as he had been by the pessimist. “With all this manure,” the little boy replied, beaming, “there must be a pony in here somewhere!”
23. The Jealous Husband: A man was suspicious that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI’s report about what he found: “Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree-look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. Not see. No fee. Cheng Lee.”
24. The Spelling Bee: A boy enters a spelling bee at school. The teacher says, “your word is ‘crab’”. The boy replies “C-R-A-P”. The teacher laughs and says “that’s funny but that’s not how you spell crab”.
25. The Barber Shopa MAN walks into the barber shop for a shave and The barber asks him to place a small wooden ball in his mouth so he can get a closer shave around his cheeks.
26. The Psychic Parrot: A lady went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner replied, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of ill repute, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.” The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.” The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “that’s not so bad.” When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman’s husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “Hi, Keith!”
27. The Mummy Mysterya TEAM of archaeologists was excavating israel when They found a cave in which the Following symbols were written in order of appearance 1 a dog 2 a donkey 3 a SHOVEL 4 a FISH 5 a STAR of david THEY decided that THIS Was a Unique Find and the writings.
28. The Broken Clock: Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: “Jesus is watching you!” Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. “Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. He looked around frantically. He saw a bird cage in the corner with a parrot in it. “Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?” he asked. “Yes”, said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: “What’s your name?” “Clarence,” said the bird. “That’s a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Clarence?” The parrot said, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
29. The Programmer’s Wife: The wife of a programmer says, “Go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
30. The Lost Luggagea MAN calls the airline customer service desk and asks how Long does a flight from new York To chicago Take? the Agent replies thank You thank you The man says and hangs up.
31. The Elephant and the Antin A swimming race an elephant and an ant are about To win but the ant stops just before crossing the finish line why did you stop?
32. The Voice from Abovethe MAN who smelled beer sat on a subway seat next to a priest – whose tie was Stained his face was smeared with red lipstick and a half-empty bottle of gin – stuck out of his torn coat pocket after.
33. The Talking Dog: A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever. “You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab replies. “So, what’s your story?” The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.” The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. “Ten dollars,” the guy says. “Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?” “Because he’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”
34. The Talking Muffin: Two muffins were sitting in the oven. One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!”
35. The Doctor and the Lawyera DOCTOR and a lawyer were talking at a party their Conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice after An hour the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer what do you Do to stop people from asking you for legal advice.
36. The Penguin’s Car Trouble: A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He calls a tow truck, which brings him to a mechanic in a small town. The mechanic tells him it’ll be an hour until he knows what’s wrong. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street, so he goes over to get a cone to beat the heat. When he comes back, the mechanic says, “It looks like you blew a seal.” The penguin, wiping his face, says, “Oh no, it’s just ice cream.”
37. The Lost Luggage, Part 2: The same man calls the airline again and asks, “How long does a flight from New York to Boston take?” The agent replies, “Just a minute…” “Thanks,” says the man, and hangs up again.
38. The Lightbulb Jokehow Many therapists do it takes to change light bulbs?
39. The Escaped Convict: An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room with the chair in tow, and whispered to his wife: “Listen, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, just go along with it. He’s probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.” His wife responded: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too.”
40. The Pizza Deliverywhy Did the man bring a ladder into the bar?
41. The Genie and the Wisha MAN finds a genie in a lamp the Genie says i WILL grant you one wish the Man says i WISH i WERE rich the Genie replied i’m Done.
42. The Blonde and the Library: A blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says, “Hi! I’m here to see the doctor!” The librarian, confused, quietly replies, “This is a library.” The blonde, realizing her mistake, whispers, “Oh, sorry. I’m here to see the doctor.”
43. The 50 Cent Piece: A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
44. The Farmer’s Chickens: A city slicker moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. “That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor. “I mean business,” the city slicker replied. A week later the man was back again. “I need another 100 chicks,” he said. “Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming,” the man told him. “Yeah,” the city slicker replied. “If I can iron out a few problems.” “Problems?” asked the proprietor. “Yeah,” replied the city slicker, “I think I planted that last batch too close together.”
45. The Big Game: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
46. The Failed Experiment: Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
47. The Confused Carpenterdid You know about the carpenter who confused his chisel with a pencil?
48. The Fishy Business: Why don’t fish play piano? Because you can’t tuna fish.
49. The Worst Artistmy FRIEND gave me an Epipen as he was dying – it seemed very important.
50. The Book Loveri READ a book about the antigravity.
51. The Skydiving Lessonwhy Don’T blind people skydive?
52. The Forgetful Astronautdid You hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?
53. The Perfect Pitchwhy Did johnny Bring a ladder to choir practice?
54. The Not-So-Silent Treatment: My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
55. The Fatherly Advice: I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.” He said, “NO!” I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.” He said, “OK.” I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.” Bill Gates said, “NO.” I told Bill Gates, “My son is the CEO of the World Bank.” Bill Gates said, “OK.” I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. He said, “NO.” I told him, “My son is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.” He said, “OK.”

Summing Up

Laughter is without doubt the best medicine and these long jokes certainly gave a very generous dose of it.

From talking animals to clever comebacks, each story brought its own unique charm and comedic touch.

We hope you enjoyed this fun journey and laughed along the way.

Remember, humor can brighten even the darkest days and bring people together with joy and smiles.

So whether you share these jokes with friends or simply enjoy them on your own keep spreading laughter and the joy that comes with a good sense of humor.

Life is too short to ignore all the bizarre twists and turns.