Family-Friendly Clean Jokes and Short Funny Stories for All
Laughter make for mass together , and theseClean Jokes and Funny Short Storyare perfect for sharing with family and friend . Whether you need a quick laugh or a humorous tale , this collection will set a smile on your look .
1 . The Fishing Trip
A human calls his boss and says , “ I can ’ t come to work today , I ’ m really sick. ” The boss , suspicious , response , “ You ’ re ever sick on Mondays ! ” The man quickly answer , “ Well , it ’ s the fish—they ’ re burn every weekend ! ”
2 . The Parrot and the Thief
A burglar sneaks into a firm late at dark . As he tiptoed through the living room , he listen a voice say , “ Jesus is watching you. ” Startled , he spin around but only sees a parrot . “ Who say that ? ” the burglar whisper .
The burglar gag , “ What form of people name a parrot Moses ? ”
The parrot reply , “ The same sort that name their Rottweiler Jesus . ”
3 . The Genius Barber
A young son walks into a barber store . The barber , smile , whispers to his customer , “ Watch this—this is the dumb child in the world. ” The barber have a dollar bill in one hand and two quarter in the other , then expect the son , “ Which act you need ? ” The son bring the quarter and pass out .
Later , the customer meet the son buy an ice cream and asks , “ Why make you choose the quarters rather of the dollar ? ”
The son grins , “ Because the day I take the dollar , the game is over ! ”
4 . The Library Elephant
A human walk into a library and asks , “ Excuse me , can I adopt a book on how to develop an elephant ? ”
The librarian replies , “ Sure , but delight bring it back with a body full of knowledge ! ”
5 . The Forgetful Wife
A husband says to his wife , “ You ’ re have so forgetful these day ! Yesterday , you leave the car work all night ! ”
The wife , unfazed , answer , “ Well , at least it wasn ’ t steal . ”
The husband roll his eye and state , “ No , but today we ’ ve become an extra 500 miles on the odometer ! ”
6 . The Farmer ’ sec Problem
A farmer was drive down the road with a cop in the rear of his truck . A police policeman commit him over and expect , “ What are you doing with that cop ? ”
The future day , the officer sees the same farmer with the same cop in the truck . He pulls him over again and asks , “ Didn ’ t you require that cop to the zoo ? ”
The farmer answer , “ I did , and today I ’ m need him to the film ! ”
7 . Knock Knock !
Knock knock !
Who ’ s there ?
Lettuce .
Lettuce who ?
Lettuce in , it ’ s freeze out hither !
8 . The Clever Dog
A dog walks into a butcher store . The butcher await at the dog and asks , “ What do you want ? ” The dog points to some steak . “ How many pounds ? ” asks the butcher . The dog barks twice . The amazed butcher enclose up two pound of steak and gives it to the dog , who runs out the doorway .
The next day , the dog proceeds . Again , the butcher require , “ What do you want ? ” The dog point at the steak . “ How many pounds ? ” The dog barks three times , so the butcher wrap three pounds of steak .
The butcher resolve to succeed the dog , curious about where he ’ s taking the steak . The dog goes to a theater , knocks on the doorway , and a man opens it . “ Oh , it ’ s you again ! ” state the man .
The butcher , shock , order , “ Your dog is so bright ! ”
The man rolls his heart and replies , “ Yeah , but this is the third time this week he forget his house key ! ”
9 . The Classroom Test
During a math test , little Johnny go on wait at his friend ’ s paper . The teacher note and order , “ Johnny , are you imitate your friend ’ sec answers ? ”
Johnny respond , “ No , I ’ m simply check to see if he begin the same wrong ace as me . ”
10 . The Talking Dog
A human become to a gift agent with a talking dog . “ My dog can talk ! ” he boast . The agent , skeptical , says , “ Show me . ”
The human order to the dog , “ What ’ s on top of a house ? ”
“ Roof ! ”
The agent rolls his eyes . The man require again , “ Who ’ s the greatest baseball player ? ”
“ Ruth ! ”
The agent kicks them out . Outside , the dog looks at his owner and order , “ Maybe I should have said DiMaggio ? ”
11 . The Magic Elevator
A kid and his dad visit a department store . The child watch in awe as two former door open , revealing a tiny room . “ What ’ s that , Dad ? ”
They watch an former woman pass into the room , and a moment after , a young woman walk out . The kid call on to his pa , wide-eyed , “ Can I move in future ? ”
12 . The Forgetful Golfer
A golfer , frustrated with his performance , exclaims , “ I ’ 500 motion heaven and earth to break 100 on this course ! ”
His caddie calmly answer , “ Try heaven . You ’ ve already moved most of the earth . ”
13 . The Missing Donkey
A human was running through the market cheering , “ My donkey equal missing ! Whoever brings him back will get a large reward ! ”
Individual in the crowd yelled , “ You ’ ll observe him if you close your mouth ! ”
14 . The Traffic Cop
“ Make you know why I pull you over ? ” expect the officer .
The man replies , “ If you leave , how can I serve you ? ”
15 . The Farmer ’ s Fortune
A farmer won $ 1 million in the lottery . His friend ask what he was die to do with all that money .
He replied , “ I compute I ’ ll keep farming till it ’ s all die . ”
16 . The Boss ’ s Paycheck
An employee recount his boss , “ I want a raise . Three companies are after me ! ”
The employee replies , “ The electric caller , the water party , and the gas caller . ”
17 . The Bad News
The doctor order a patient , “ I have serious tidings and bad news . ”
18 . The Forgetful Professor
A professor was getting off the train , and the conductor ask , “ Sir , where ’ s your ticket ? ”
The professor searched his pockets and say , “ I can ’ t feel it ! ”
The conductor suppose , “ It ’ s okay , I know you hold it . ”
The professor replied , “ But how will I know where I ’ m go ? ”
19 . The Genie ’ s Wish
A human finds a magic lamp and rub it . Out pop a genie .
The genie state , “ You hold one wish . ”
The man says , “ I wish I were deep ! ”
The genie response , “ Okay , Rich , what ’ s your second wish ? ”
20 . The Too-Honest Child
A instructor ask her category , “ If I get five apples in one hand and six in the early , what do I own ? ”
TheseSporting Jokes and Funny Short Historyare utter for light-hearted fun . They ’ re easy to recall and great for share with anyone , no matter the affair !
