Humorous Poems by Renowned Writers
Explore these 25 renowned humorous poems by celebrated poets. This curated collection highlights some of the greatest and most iconic funny poems ever written. Enjoy and share these top-tier famous funny poems with your circle.
Now I appear before you
Now you spot me, now you vanish.
George believes he will, yet I’m certain he won’t.
Lost Words
Once I knew the dialect of blossoms,
Once I grasped every whisper from the caterpillar,
Once I quietly grinned at the chatter of sparrows,
And traded words with the housefly
resting beside me.
Once I listened and replied to every query
posed by the crickets,
And wept alongside each fading, melting
speck of snow,
Once I understood the whispers of the blossoms.
.
.
.
How did it turn out?
What was the outcome?
A remarkable individual named Joe once lived
A mighty man named Joe once stood tall,
though mocked by a brash rival's cruel call.
Through jeers and jabs meant to demean,
Joe endured with quiet esteem.
Then battled fiercely, a warrior in the ring's gleam.
At the Edge of the Pavement
Beyond the edge of the sidewalk’s close,
Before the road takes its start,
The ground is clothed in gentle white,
The sun glows deep with scarlet light,
Where the moon-bird pauses from his flight
To bask in the peppermint air.
Let us depart from this spot where the soot-filled air swirls
And the shadowed road twists and turns.
Beyond the ditches where the asphalt blossoms bloom,
We’ll stroll with a stride both steady and calm,
And follow the arrows, pale as chalk,
To the spot where the pavement disappears.
Yes, we’ll move with a stride that’s steady and calm,
And we’ll follow the arrows pale as chalk,
For the young ones have traced, and the young ones can tell
The spot where the sidewalk comes to an end.
Whatif
As I lay awake last night, lost in thought,
a swarm of Whatifs crept into my ear,
dancing and celebrating through the hours,
chanting their familiar, haunting tune:
Whatif I fail in class?
Whatif the pool is shut for good?
Whatif I’m pushed around?
Whatif my drink is laced with poison?
Whatif tears start to fall?
Whatif illness takes my life?
Whatif I fail that exam?
Whatif my chest sprouts green hair?
Whatif no one cares for me?
Whatif lightning crashes down on me?
Whatif I stay this short?
Whatif my head begins to shrink?
Whatif the fish ignore my bait?
Whatif the wind shreds my kite to pieces?
Whatif war breaks out?
Whatif my parents split apart?
Whatif the bus doesn’t arrive on time?
Whatif my teeth grow crooked?
Whatif I rip my clothes?
Whatif I’m hopeless on the dance floor?
Just when all seems calm and right,
the Whatifs return to haunt the night!
Rain
I woke and gazed at the falling rain,
as drops seeped into my mind,
streaming through my thoughts like a tide.
Lying still beneath the sheets,
all I hear is the steady rhythm—
the slishity-slosh of rain inside my head.
I tread with gentle care,
my pace is measured and light,
a handstand I wouldn’t dare—
it could spill what’s inside.
Forgive the odd words I’ve spun—
I’m not myself with this rain in my mind.
Disorganized Bedroom
Whoever owns this room ought to feel embarrassed!
Their undergarments are draped over the lamp.
His raincoat lies crumpled in the overstuffed chair,
And the chair is growing increasingly soggy and stained.
His workbook is jammed in the window,
His sweater lies tossed on the ground.
His scarf and a single ski lie under the television,
While his trousers are draped haphazardly over the door.
His books are crammed into the closet,
His vest lies abandoned in the hallway.
Ed, a lizard, is dozing in his bed,
While his stinky old sock clings to the wall.
Whoever owns this room ought to feel embarrassed!
Donald or Robert or Willie or—
What? You claim it’s mine? Oh no,
Now I recognize it!
Life at One Inch in Height
If you stood just an inch high, you’d travel to school on the back of a worm.
A single teardrop from a weeping ant could serve as your personal swimming pool.
A tiny speck of cake could feed
And satisfy your weeklong need,
A flea would loom with monstrous speed
If you stood just an inch in height.
If you stood just an inch high, you’d stroll right under the door,
And a trip to the shop would last nearly thirty days or more.
A tuft of down could serve as your bed,
You’d dangle from a silken spider’s thread,
And don a thimble atop your head
Were you just one inch tall.
You'd glide over the kitchen sink on a piece of chewing gum.
You couldn’t embrace your mama; all you could hold was her thumb.
You'd flee in fear from human feet,
Shifting a pen would feel complete,
(This verse took fourteen years to meet—
Since I'm merely an inch in height).
An elderly individual resided in Fife
There lived an elderly individual from Fife,
Who felt an intense revulsion toward existence;
They performed a ballad in his honor and served him a dish of fresh salad,
What healed that elderly individual from Fife.
Bear Inside It
A polar bear resides
In our Frigidaire—
He enjoys the chill inside.
With his spot in the meat
And his snout in the fish
And his thick furry claws
In the bowl full of butter,
He’s snacking on noodles,
He’s crunching the rice,
He’s gulping the soda,
He’s tasting the ice.
A thunderous roar escapes him
Should you dare to open the door.
It fills me with dread
To think he’s ahead—
That Polary Bear
In our Fridgitydaire.
It’s pitch black inside.
I compose these verses
While trapped within a lion,
And it’s quite dim inside.
Forgive the messy handwriting
As it might be hard to read.
This afternoon near the lion’s enclosure,
I fear I ventured too close.
I pen these words
while trapped within a lion,
where the darkness lingers deep.
The Old Man and the Young Boy
The little boy remarked, "Occasionally, I let my spoon fall."
The elderly gentleman replied, "I do the same."
The young child murmured, "I wet my pants."
"I do that as well," chuckled the elderly gentleman.
The young child whispered, "I find myself shedding tears often."
The elderly man gave a slow nod and replied, "I feel the same way."
"But most painfully," the boy confessed, "I feel
as though the adults never truly listen."
He sensed the comforting heat from an aged, creased palm.
"I understand exactly what you're saying," replied the elderly gentleman.
Weird-Bird
Birds are migrating south for the colder season.
The Odd-Bird flies toward the north,
Feathers fluttering, beak clattering,
Chilled noggin swaying to and fro.
He explains, "It isn’t that I enjoy ice
Or chilling breezes and frost-covered earth."
Sometimes it feels refreshing
To be the sole bird around.
"
Our teacher enjoys playing Minecraft.
Our instructor adores Minecraft.
She spends her days immersed in it.
She urges us to focus on our work
so she can return to her game.
She delves into her mine,
digging further down,
then battles skeletons,
zombies, or creepers.
She constructs creations
from dirt, wood, and stone,
then ventures out
to explore the world solo.
She builds, gathers,
runs, leaps, and swings.
But there’s just one issue…
we don’t gain any knowledge.
—Kenn Nesbitt
Copyright © Kenn Nesbitt 2016. All Rights Reserved.
My features are strikingly beautiful
My face is flawless; no scar can be found,
Showing I reign as the ring's undisputed crown.
I soared through the skies on a magical rainbow unicorn
I soared on a rainbow unicorn,
gliding through the endless sky.
(He’d munched a pile of Skittles—
the treat that lets him fly.)
We launched like a blazing comet,
sweeping high in graceful flight.
Below, the crowds stood frozen,
stunned by the dazzling sight.
His trail gleamed with vibrant hues,
a radiant, glittering line,
as he curved across the cosmos,
streaking rainbows from behind.
—Kenn Nesbitt
Copyright © Kenn Nesbitt 2016. All Rights Reserved.
The Boa Constrictor is a large, non-venomous snake known for its powerful coils and ability to subdue prey through constriction. Native to tropical regions in the Americas, this species is often found in rainforests, savannas, and semi-arid environments. Boa Constrictors exhibit a wide range of color patterns, typically featuring saddle-like markings along their bodies. They are solitary creatures, primarily active at night, and feed on small to medium-sized animals such as birds, rodents, and lizards. Due to their docile nature and manageable size, they are sometimes kept as exotic pets. However, proper care and handling are essential to ensure their well-being in captivity.
Oh, I’m being swallowed
By a boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
I’m being swallowed by a boa constrictor,
And I don’t like it—not one bit.
Well, would you look at that?
It's munching on my toe.
Oh, wow,
It's reached my knee.
Goodness gracious,
The water reaches my upper leg.
Oh, bother,
It's reached my waist.
Oh, damn,
It's reached the brim.
Oh, fear,
It’s upmmmmmmmmmmffffffffff.
.
.
An Elderly Gentleman Perched Upon a Tree
An elderly fellow perched in a tree
Found himself terribly vexed by a bee.
When they asked, "Does it buzz?"
He answered, "Indeed, it does!
That bee is an absolute menace!"
The Wheel of the Divine
GOD smiles gently and asks me,
"How would you like to take my place for a while
and guide the world?"
"Alright," I reply, "I’ll give it a shot."
Where should I sit?
How much will I earn?
When is the lunch break?
What time can I leave?"
"Return that wheel to me," says GOD.
"You're not quite ready YET, I believe."
"
A Single Piece from the Picture Puzzle
A single picture puzzle piece
Resting on the pavement,
A lone picture puzzle piece
Drenched by the rain.
A blue button could be found
On the dress of the lady
Whose home was a shoe on the ground.
Perhaps it’s an enchanted seed,
Or a crease in the crimson
Silken gown of a royal.
Perhaps it was that tiny nibble
Of the apple Snow White’s stepmother
Offered her.
Perhaps it’s the delicate fabric of a bride’s veil
Or a mysterious flask hiding a malevolent genie within.
A tiny patch of fur
On the vast, jiggling tummy
Of Bobo the Bear.
Perhaps it’s a fragment of the cloak
Belonging to the Witch of the West
As she dissolved into mist.
Perhaps it’s a faint glimmer
Of a sorrowful drop trailing down a seraph’s cheek.
No other fragment holds as much potential
As a single damp, aged puzzle piece.
The Toucan is a vibrant, tropical bird known for its strikingly large and colorful beak. Native to the rainforests of Central and South America, it thrives in dense canopies where it feeds on fruits, insects, and small reptiles. Recognized for its playful nature and distinctive calls, the Toucan plays a vital role in seed dispersal, aiding forest regeneration. Its unique appearance and ecological importance make it a symbol of the rich biodiversity found in its habitat.
Who has the skill
To capture a toucan?
Lou certainly can.
How many can
Hop on the toucan?
Only two can.
What type of sticky substance might
Keep you attached to the toucan?
Glue will.
Who can pen a bit
More about the toucan?
You can!
Danny O’Dare
Danny O'Dare, the dancin' bear,
Fled from the County Fair,
Hurried straight to my back stair
And figured he'd dance right there.
He began hopping, leaping, and kicking around,
Performing a move known as the Funky Chicken,
He danced the Polka, then tried the Twist,
Twisting his body into a pretzel just like this.
He performed the Dog and the Jitterbug,
He danced the Jerk and the Bunny Hug.
He danced the Waltz and the Boogaloo,
He also did the Hokey-Pokey too.
He performed the Bop and the Mashed Potata,
He pulled off the Split and the See Ya Later.
Now he drops down on one knee,
Bending with such grace and glee,
Winking, grinning—plain as can be,
Danny O'Dare longs to dance with me.
I believe my father might actually be Dracula.
I believe my father might be Dracula.
It sounds completely crazy,
but hear me out
and let me clarify.
We don’t reside in a fortress,
nor do we rest in caves.
Yet there’s something odd
about my dad’s daily ways.
He never steps outside
while the sun is shining bright.
He dozes all day till dusk,
then vanishes into the night.
At dawn, he returns home,
grumbling, “I’m completely drained!”
He gives us a bedtime kiss,
and by sunrise, he’s restrained.
When I shared my theory with Mom,
she sighed and said, “You’re not too keen.
Your dad’s no bloodsucking fiend—
he just works the night routine.”
—Kenn Nesbitt
Copyright © Kenn Nesbitt 2009. All Rights Reserved.
C was a feline.
C
There once lived a feline.
Who chased after a rat;
Yet his bravery wavered
As she grabbed hold of his tail.
The Exactlywatt accompanied by a Meehoo
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
It’s me!
Me who?
You got it!
Got what?
Meehoo!
That’s my question!
Your question about what?
Me, WHO?
Absolutely!
Absolutely what?
I’ve got an Exactlywatt on a chain!
What exactly is on a chain?
Correct!
Correct what?
No, it’s Exactlywatt!
That’s my question again!
I said—Exactlywatt!
Exactly WHAT?
Right!
Right what?
Right here with me!
What’s with you?
Exactlywatt—that’s what’s with me.
Who’s there?
Me!
Really?
LEAVE NOW!
Knock knock.
.
.
