74 Funny Bar Jokes for a Round of Laughter on Us

Break out these hilarious saloon jokes to turn any time into happy hr

Bar joke that ’ ll build everyone laugh

I walk into a bar and asked for a firm drinking . Not because I ’ d had a harsh day , but because I live roughly to write a whole lot of “ pass into a bar ” jokes . It ’ s a harsh task , I know , but as they say , someone ’ sec come ta serve it !

In all seriousness—or as serious as you can get about a joke story—what set out as a simple writing exercise turned into an obsession with this timeless format . There ’ sec something magical about those five words that adjust up infinite possibility and reach for some of the good gag around . And now you get to enjoy the answer of my questionable philosophical musings , hours of labor and maybe a few cocktails . Some of thesesaloon gagwill build you laugh , others will make you moan , and a few might build you question my sense of humor alone . And that ’ s fine ! I deserve it !

So catch a drink ( actual or imaginary ) , and dive in . These clever gag are on the house , and unlike at a literal saloon , no tipping equal required . Cheer !

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Funniest saloon jokes

• A werewolf walk into a bar .
  The bartender tell , “ What ’ s it like being a werewolf ? ”
  The werewolf says , “ I haven ’ t exist one for very long , but I ’ m lycan it so far . ”

• A human with a beard do of grass walks into a bar .
  The bartender says , “ Why the lawn look ? ”

• A mailman walks into a bar .
  He say , “ I feel frightening . I ’ 1000 hungover , and I need a drinking . ”
  The bartender says , “ Hair of the dog that moment you ? ”

• A doctrine pupil walk into a bar .
  She asks for something deep .
  The bartender says , “ Start with a well drink . ”

• A cowboy walk into a bar and ordering a beer and a shot .
  The bartender serves him a beer and arouse his gunman in the air .

• A conspiracy theorist walks into a bar .
  Or did he ? That ’ s simply what they want you to think .

• Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar .
  There ’ s no means that ’ s just a coincidence .

• A houseplant walk into a bar .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it exist ? ”
  The plant says , “ I ’ 1000 simply await for some light conversation . ”

• A perfectionist walks into a saloon .
  The bartender tell , “ What ’ ll it cost ? ”
  The perfectionist tell , “ Actually , permit me start over . A perfectionist walks into a saloon … ”

• A thesaurus walk into a saloon …
  … a pub , a tavern , an alehouse and a bar .

• A henceck pass into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ Where ’ s your early half ? ”

• A typo pass into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it cost ? ”
  The typo answer , “ A bear , please . ”

• A password walks into a bar .
  The bartender says , “ Sorry , you take to be at least 8 quality with a special symbol . ”
  The password get out and come back as “ P @ ssw0rd123 ! ”

• A Swiss Army knife pass into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it cost ? ”
  The knife order , “ I ’ 1000 versatile—surprise me . ”

• A spreadsheet walks into a bar .
  The bartender suppose , “ Don ’ t start moving my table around . ”
  The spreadsheet order , “ Too lately . You ’ re in Column A today . ”

• A ball of thread pass into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ You effective not commence anything . ”
  The yarn says , “ I ’ m just hither to unwind . ”

• A fan walks into a bar .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it be ? ”
  The fan tell , “ I just need to vent . ”

• A belt walk into a bar .
  The bartender tell , “ I didn ’ t intend you make up coming in tonight . ”
  The belt suppose , “ I only need to loosen up . ”

• A baker walk into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it be ? ”
  The baker state , “ I ’ m hardly here to loaf around . ”

• Michael Stipe walk into a saloon .
  The bartender state , “ Wow , I enjoy R.E.M. ! I can ’ t conceive you ’ re in my saloon ! ”
  Michael Stipe order , “ I employ to come here all the time. ” He points to an former photo on the wall and says , “ That ’ s me in the corner . ”

Clever bar joke

• Shakespeare walks into a saloon .
  The bartender order , “ You improve not make a setting . ”

• A ruler walks into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it cost ? ”
  The ruler say , “ Whisky . Straight . ”

• Oscar the Grouch walks into a bar .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it be ? ”
  Oscar the Grouch order , “ A martini—the dirtier , the effective . ”

• Dwayne Johnson walk into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it be ? ”
  Dwayne Johnson says , “ I ’ ll receive a whiskey on the Rock . ”

• A jumper cable walks into a bar .
  The bartender says , “ You better not set out anything . ”

• A panda , a cowboy , a priest and a time traveler pass into a bar .
  The bartender tell , “ What exist this , some kind of gag ? ”

• A ghost walks into a saloon .
  The bartender order , “ Sorry , we put on ’ t serve spirits hither . ”

• Two $ 5 bill walk into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ This be a singles bar . ”

• A pizza walks into a bar .
  The bartender suppose , “ Sorry , we put on ’ t serve food here . ”

• A tennis chunk walks into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ Have you exist service ? ”

Corny saloon gag

• A train course and a highway pass into a bar .
  The train track says , “ One for me , and one for the road . ”

• An optimist and a pessimist pass into a saloon .
  The bartender function them a single glass of beer .

• Bigfoot walks into a bar , but the bartender refuses to serve him .
  The bartender points to a sign and says , “ No shirt , no shoes , no service . ”

• Bigfoot walk into a bar .
  The bartender suppose , “ Are you ready to order ? ”
  Bigfoot says , “ Not yeti . ”

• Five witches walk into a saloon .
  The bartender state , “ Are you ladies a coven ? ”
  One of the witch says , “ No , we ’ re hardly broom mates . ”

• A computer walks into a bar and orders a drinking .
  The bartender serves him and says , “ That ’ ll be $ 10 . ”
  The computer says , “ Sorry , my cache is empty . ”

• A scarecrow pass into a bar and orders a cocktail .
  The bartender makes it and service it with a straw .
  The scarecrow says , “ Thanks , but I brought my own . ”

• Santa ’ s reindeer pass into a bar and club a cycle of martinis .
  The bartender function them all , but Rudolph notices his martini has no garnish . He order , “ Excuse me—can I make what olive the other reindeer begin ? ”

• A human walk into a saloon and says , “ I was in here last night , and soul stole my glass . ”
  The bartender says , “ What do they look like ? ”
  The human says , “ I don ’ t know—the whole night was a blur . ”

• A man walk into a bar carrying a goldfish in a bowl .
  The bartender asks , “ What ’ sec with the fish ? ”
  The human says , “ My wife says I drink like a fish , so I take him to compare bill . ”

• A train engine walks into a bar .
  The bartender say , “ What ’ ll it be ? ”
  The train says , “ I ’ m just hither to waste off steam . ”

• A lime walk into a bar and see another lime across the way .
  The bartender notice him stare and says , “ Go talk to her ! ”
  The lime says , “ No , I can ’ t . I ’ m terrible at pickup limes . ”

• Dr. Frankenstein and Frankenstein ’ s monster pass into a bar together .
  The bartender say , “ I didn ’ t know you two were friend . ”
  The freak says , “ He ’ s all properly . He ever has me in stitches . ”

• A clown walk into a saloon looking tire .
  The bartender says , “ Is it hard study exist a clown ? ”
  The clown suppose , “ It ’ s no small base . ”

• A jalapeño walk into a saloon .
  The bartender say , “ You seem like you could use a hot drink . ”
  The jalapeño suppose , “ How behave you know ? ”
  The bartender order , “ I can assure you ’ re a little chili . ”

• A man walk into a saloon and hear his common saloon pot is bring .
  He state , “ I ’ m not going to remove this pose down . ”

Bar gag about creature

• A sloth walks into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it equal ? ”
  Three hours later , the sloth tell , “ Beeeeeeeeer . ”

• A bat walk into a bar and hangs upside down from the ceiling .
  The bartender say , “ What ’ ll it be ? ”
  The bat say , “ I ’ m merely here to hang out . ”

• An ox walk into a saloon .
  He tells the bartender , “ I may as good have a drink . I ’ m off the wagon again . ”

• Two cheetahs walk into a saloon .
  They hang up out for a while , and then the first cheetah says , “ This place is pretty cool . ”
  The second cheetah says , “ I state you—I know where all the good spots are . ”

• A tiger walks into a saloon .
  The bartender order , “ What ’ ll it equal ? ”
  The tiger says , “ Do a lot of tigers come in hither ? ”
  The bartender says , “ We make customer of all stripes . ”

• A zookeeper walks into a bar with a monkey , a parrot and an elephant .
  The bartender says , “ Hey , you can ’ t bring all those beast in hither . ”
  The zookeeper suppose , “ Why not ? ”
  The bartender suppose , “ Well , first we need to discuss the elephant in the room . ”

• A man walks into a bar and orders an detailed cocktail .
  While the bartender ’ sec create it , the man looks around and notices thither ’ s an elephant at the other goal of the bar .
  The bartender suffice the man his drinking , and the human tell , “ Thanks , but why exist there an elephant in the way ? ”
  The bartender say , “ Don ’ t reference it . ”

• A tiger walks into a saloon .
  The bartender order , “ What ’ ll it live ? ”
  The tiger says , ‘ I ’ ll make one whiskey neat , provided that order whiskey live aged no less than 12 yr in oak barrels sourced from Kentucky , distill according to traditional methods as determine by Union regulation , served at precisely 65 level Fahrenheit in a glass that get live clean with approved sanitizing solutions , and furthermore I set aside the right to refuse said drink if it fails to fit these specifications as outlined in subsection Amp of my personal beverage consumption standard … ”
  The bartender says , “ Whoa , whoa—why the long clause ? ”
  The tiger looks at his paws and tell , “ I suppose I ’ ve always had them . ”

• A frog pass into a saloon and orders a beer .
  The bartender says , “ IPA , right ? ”
  The toad says , “ As long as it ’ s hoppy . ”

• A giraffe walks into a bar .
  The bartender tell , “ What ’ ll it cost ? ”
  The giraffe says , “ Whatever your best whiskey is . Top shelf . ”

• A human walk into a saloon and find a dog sitting at the early end of the saloon drinking a glass of red wine .
  The human asks the bartender about the dog .
  The bartender says , “ Yeah , he ’ s a Bordeaux collie . ”

• A parrot walk into a saloon .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it be ? ”
  The parrot order , “ What ’ ll it cost ? What ’ ll it cost ? ”

• A duck walks into a bar and orders a drinking .
  The bartender says , “ Should I invest it on your bill ? ”
  The duck tell , “ That ’ s never been funny . ”

• A penguin walks into a saloon wearing a tuxedo .
  The bartender says , “ Fancy clothes code tonight ? ”
  The penguin tell , “ Actually , this equal my chance wear . ”

• An owl walks into a bar .
  The bartender puts a Scotch in presence of him and says , “ Someone tell me owls only drink Scotch . ”
  The owl state , “ Who ? ”

• A flamingo pass into a saloon and stand by the saloon on one branch .
  The bartender says , “ Why are you suffer with one branch up like that ? ”
  The flamingo says , “ Because if I stood with both up , I ’ 500 autumn over . ”

Bar jokes about skill

• Entropy pass into a bar .
  Everything go downhill from there .

• Gravity walks into a bar .
  Everyone fall for it .

• A black hole walks into a saloon .
  It really sucked .

• A grouping of factor pass into a bar .
  Someone asks them , “ Come here often ? ”
  One of them order , “ Periodically . ”

• Schrödinger ’ s cat walks into a saloon .
  The bartender say , “ What ’ ll it exist ? ”
  The cat says , “ I ’ ll have a drink , and I won ’ t . ”

• A particle walk into a bar through two doorway at the same time .
  The bartender suppose , “ That ’ s impossible ! ”
  The particle tell , “ Not if nobody ’ sec watch out . ”

• Heisenberg walks into a bar .
  The bartender says , “ What ’ ll it be ? ”
  Heisenberg says , “ I ’ m not certain . If I ’ m hither , I don ’ t know what I want . If I know what I desire , I ’ m probably not hither . ”

• A neutrino walks into a bar .
  Simply kidding—it move correct through .

• A superconductor walks into a bar .
  There was no resistance .

• Dark matter walks into a saloon .
  Nobody notice .

• A photon walks into a saloon and orders a drink .
  The bartender serves him and asks him to bear .
  He suppose , “ Uh , I ’ m a short light . ”

• A neutron pass into a bar and orders a drink .
  He demand , “ How much do I owe you ? ”
  The bartender says , “ No mission . ”

Why trust us

Reader ’ s Digestmake been telling joke for more than 100 year , curated and reviewed over the final 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons , a humor editor formerly ofNational Lampoonand the author ofNow That ’ s Funny .We ’ ve make prestigious ASME laurels for our humor—including funny quips , pranks , puns , cartoons , one-liners , knock-knock gag , riddles , memes , tweets and tale in laugh-out-loud magazine editorial such as “ Life in These United States , ” “ All in a Day ’ sec Work , ” “ Laughter , the Well Medicine ” and “ Humor in Uniform , ” as good as online collection such asshort gag,papa jokesandbad jokesthus bad , they ’ re great . You can notice a century of humor in our 2022 compendium ,Reader ’ s Digest : Laugh , the Best Medicine. For this story on bar jokes , Laura Beck tap her 15-plus yr of experience as a professional humor writer for TV shows and magazines . Record more about oursquad, our contributors and oureditorial policy.