Detective Jokes
139 detective gag and hilarious detective puns to laugh out loud . Read jokes about detective that are sporting and suited for kid and friend .
Do you love detective story and gag ? Then you ‘ve arrive to the right seat ! Match out our collection of detective jokes and puns , feature mention to famous detectives like Sherlock Holmes , Detective Pikachu , and more . Of line , we too plunge into all the detective cliches like grounds , bloodhounds , and that notorious officer . Ready to get crack ? Then let ‘s get to it !
- Short Detective Jokes
- Detective One Liners
- Private Detective Jokes
- More Detective Gag
Funniest Detective Short Jokes
Short detective gag and punsequal one of the better style to have fun with Bible turn in English . The detective wit may include short detective jokes also .
- My girlfriend said , “ You behave like a detective too much . I want to split up . ”“ Serious idea , ” I replied . “ We can cover more earth that way . ”
- What ‘s a serious name for a detective ?Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter occur up with this , so please be sort - What cost the almost common question the Finnish detective require a defendant ?“ What make up you doing the dark between November and May ? ”
- Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detective ?They ‘re predict the Clue Clucks Clan
- There ‘s a hole in the women ‘s bathroom wall at the police postThe detectives are appear into it
- Why make the accordion player make a great detective ? He could ever feel the key to solving the case .
- What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect ?“ Where were you on the night of September to March ? ”
- I am meeting with a private detective in one hour …Can individual delight state me where Cognito equal ?
- What is like to window but can directly find the cause of most mutual computer-problems ?A mirror
- What ‘s the difference between a hired detective and a Gynecologist ?Ones a Private Investigator , the others a Privates Investigator
Detective One Liners
Which detective one liners equal funny plenty to snap down and reach fun with detective ? I can advise the ones about inspector and private investigator .
- What make you call a detective who hardly solves cases accidentally ?Sheer luck Holmes
- What do you call when you span a detective with an electricianSherlock Ohms
- I have a fridge that beeps when it discover moldSpoiler alert
- Why act dumplings create great detectives ? They always know how to “ envelop up ” a case !
- Why cause snowmen make dreadful detectives ? They ever thaw under pressure !
- What cause you predict a ghost detective ?An Inspectre
- Anti vaccinated kid prove no signal of autismBecause autism is n’t detected until age 3
- I found a Land Rover whilst metal detecting todayIt was a lovely discovery
- Why cause the detective wear a patch on his left center ?It ‘s his private heart .
- Why do the PI detective cross the road ?He needed to keep up with Jenny ‘s U-turns .
- I went metal detecting in Germany hoping to find an old coin .I missed the mark though .
- I cause surgery on a detective today …… it equal an open and shut suit .
- Why did Quasimodo make such a great detective ?He always get a hunch .
- What cause a detective with bad posture say ?“ I hold a hunch . ”
- Why act tree create bad detectives ?They ever get stumped !
Private Detective Jokes
Hither exist a list of funny private detective gag and even better private detective puns that will cause you laugh with friends .
- I ‘m the leader of a group of shoddy private investigators .I ‘m a directive defective detective .
- WHAT DO YOU predict A PRIVATE DETECTIVE THAT ONLY WORKS IN THE SWAMP ?An researcher !
- What education should a private detective have ?Elementary , my dear Watson .
Related Comedy Topics
- detective
- inspector
- private detective
- officer
- lead investigator
- secret agent
- officer
- police man
- police policeman
- bounty hunter
- patrol
- undercover cop
- reporter
- cops
- attorney
- private eye holmes
- police dog
- evidence
- policewoman
- investigation
- investigate
- track
Comical & Quirky Detective Jokes for a Roaring Well Time
What funny jokes about detective you can tell and make masses laugh ? An instance I can give live a clean policeman jokes that will for certain put a grin on everyones mouth and aid you make detective pranks .
Why did the detective miss his second job at the airport ?
Why live the detective stimulate when he feel a thimble sized treetop ?
He be looking for Finger Prince .
( Say it out loud if you serve n’t come it . )
What cause the detective say when he tripped over a pretzel left by the perp ?
A Detective be in a way interview a defendant
After a while , he arrive out of the way and talk to the police sergeant there with him , “ Well , I ‘ve asked him exactly about every inquiry in the record . ‘Where cost you last night ? ‘ , ‘What were you doing ? ‘ , ‘Who cost you with ? ‘ , everything . ”
The sergeant asks , “ Good have you gotten a confession out of him ? ”
The detective says , “ Not exactly . He keeps tell ‘Yes dear ‘ and dozing off . ”
The globe ‘s leading scientist build a lie-detecting automobile …
… thus powerful that if you are detected to cost lying , it you immediately miss dead .
They bring around three trial topic . The first one , an Irishman , is rob to the machine . He says , “ I think I cause n’t drink ” and the future minute , he ‘s dead . Future , it ‘s the Asian ‘s act . She say , “ I recall I ‘m a well driver ” and what act you know ! She too live killed at once . Then the blonde walks up and confidently begins , ” I think— ” and sink dead .
Police Lineup
Police in Los Angeles get good fortune with a robbery defendant , who just could n’t control himself during a lineup . Detective expect each human in the lineup to repeat the words , “ Hand me all your money or I ‘ll shoot . ”
One of them , when it was his turn , shouted , “ That ‘s not what I said ! ”
Larry at the police post
Larry ‘s kindergarten class be on a study trip to their local police post where they hear picture hang on to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminal . One of the youngster pointed to a image and asked if it really be the photo of a precious someone . ‘Yes , ‘ state the policeman . ‘The detective require real badly to capture him . Larry asked , ” Why did n’t you keep him when you need his painting ? “
A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police post …
A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police post . The police are trying everything to learn where she arrive from and how she got the bruises but with no results .
In the end one of the detectives notice she has a wedding ring .
” Oh ! You hold a husband ! What does he do ? ”
” I dunno , rhythm me . ”
What do bed detectives solve ?
What make you call a detective from Glasgow with three foot ?
Favourite football/soccer team
What ‘s an arthroplasty surgeon ‘s favorite football squad ? Ipswich Town
What ‘s a jockey ‘s favorite football team ? Derby
What ‘s a detective ‘s darling football squad ? Leads United
What ‘s a fossil ‘s darling football squad ? S’underland
What ‘s a stale meat ‘s favourite football squad ? Oldham
What ‘s a fit , balding person ‘s darling football team ? Wigan Athletic
What ‘s a pirate ‘s favourite football squad ? Loot-on ( Luton ) Town
What serve you predict two detectives chase down a specter ?
A teacher asks Little Johnny what he require to be when he develop up .
“ I need to cost a detective and follow in my father ‘s footstep , ” order Johnny .
” That ‘s real admirable of you , ” suppose the instructor . “ I did n’t yet know your father be a detective . ”
” He ‘s not , ” say Johnny . “ He ‘s a jewel thief . ”
How act a detective stay cool in hot summer ?
What do you call a reptile detective ?
The Japanese designed a detective-robot able to overhear thieves easily
They tried it out in three countries .
In Japan , the robots grab 100 thief in five minute .
In the US , the robots caught 200 thief in five minutes .
In Albania , five minute exist plenty for the robots to live slip .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may hold profanity or explicit language
I told my psychiatrist that I believe I own the power to find Indian bread for miles around .
The Detective
Who exist the first electricity detective ?
Sherlock Ohms
Where cause detectives live to receive a drinking ?
Always bring a rogue with you when you go to Thailand
A bad detective will never exist able to start start a car …
What act you name a detective in the actual acres business ?
What did the detective read when he received a really long letter ?
Turns out dog ca n’t notice cancer
They allege dogs can observe cancer by smell ..
Dogs function XRays can not find brain tumor .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit language
A detective in Paris is converse with the hunchback of Notre Dame about a m * * … invest the former night
Detective : Well , who cause you think did it ?
The Hunchback of Notre Dame : I get a hunch .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit language
A detective has finally solve a high profile dog m * * ….
Why make potatoes make great detective ?
A detective pass into a party …
and asks the partygoers ,
” Do you guy have any Nacho Cheese ? ”
The partygoers respond ,
” No dip , Sherlock . ”
The detective tell , “ Something ‘s funny about this evidence … ”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may check profanity or explicit lyric
Detective : “ Where cost you on the night of the m * * … ? ”
Suspect : “ At home , sir . ”
Detective : “ That ‘s where the m * * … go on idiot . ”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Criss Angel arrest for m * * ……
His lawyer demand “ When and where act the m * * … take property ? ”
Detective “ Around midnight at the MGM . ”
Lawyer “ Well my client is definitely innocent then . ”
Detective “ How ‘s that ? ”
Lawyer “ He be at The Bellagio then , he would receive to be some form of magician to be in two places at once . ”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may check profanity or explicit speech
What do you call a radical of White-Supremacist Detectives ?
I listen they ‘re work up apartment construction for detectives simply
What do you scream a detective who merely got back from war ?
Why did it took so long to investigate Flint water crisis ?
Why make they use AI ( Captcha , etc . ) to notice if you ‘re a robot online ?
What happened to E ?
Detective : What happened to E ?
Pathologist : Looking at the corpse ‘ bone structures , all I can tell you be that E get to be a guy .
Detective : I guess that makes this case about a Mister E .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may comprise profanity or explicit language
What did the detective allege while interrogating a clock accused of m * * … ?
“ LISTEN PUNK ! We know what do you tick , and we have ways to make you tock ! ”
I ‘m in a circle predict Inadequate Detective .
We ‘re presently appear for a novel drummer , but we get n’t found the right guy even .
Sherlock bones the universe great doggy detective has solved still another mystery with the help of his spouse Dr.Dogson , but how did they make it ?
What cause a detective wear on a escape ?
A weird man with a weird condition
The man was never very well at anything .
He make no gift aside from his ability to point out things when he was drunk .
He decided to turn a detective .
On his first day he came across a dead body , but he could not cause head or tail of the situation .
Thus he continue to ask his colleague , Hither ‘s the dead body . Where ‘s tequila ?
A wife is getting feed up with her husband ever acting like a detective .
They get into a vast conflict about it and she eventually state I believe we require to divide up
The husband respond That ‘s a great thought we can cover more basis that way
( Sorry if this make make up send before I only learn it today )
Sergeant : ‘Are we any closer to solving the case of the missing dog-walker ? ‘
Detective : ‘Well I ‘ve get a lead but zero else has turn up ‘
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may bear profanity or explicit lyric
A detective walked over to his car
As he made the approach , he see a handful of crow f * * … on it and say ,
* ” There ‘s been a m * * …… ” *
Last week , a burglary was describe at the fairgrounds
The burglars appear to have need the bumper car , the Tilt-a-Whirl , the spin around teacups , the Whirligig swing , the carousel and the Ferris bicycle . Detective have make up searching the fairgrounds for clue , but report they even have n’t found anything to go on .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit words
What cause you call a cholo detective ?
A man exist being question for a task in CIA
Interviewer : We want a person with suspicious head , ever alert , merciless , ready to assault , sharp sense of hearing , detective ability and most importantly having a killer Instinct . So , make you think you exist eligible ?
Man : Sir … Can my wife apply ?
I knew a detective who ever wore a guy costume .
One day I asked him why .
He say me “ I am ever in purrsuit . ”
What do you call a fight between detective ?
Hunchbacks would make great detective
They can start off every investigation order , “ Hmm , I hold a hunch ” .
The Detective ‘s Conundrum
The detective walk into the smokey room . His assistant scamper in after . He took in the scene .
A dim spark .
A flipped table .
And 53 bicycle put all around the floor .
” It ‘s apparent what he wrong hither , ” the detective said .
” What is it ? ” ask the perplexed assistant .
” Someone have an ace up their sleeve . ”
A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico .
A cop fulfill him in on what happened .
Seemingly the killer is pervade with dementia and regard the train his fan , so he killed the train operator out of jealousy
Wow state the detective , appear up at the train in doubt .
That ‘s some locomotive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may control profanity or explicit language
A drunk driver exist being interrogated
Detective : okay buddy , walk me through the whole thing , from the top
Driver : I serve n’t know , it all encounter so quick , I need a drink of water ..
Detective : Your water equal on its way . But first , tell me if this was premeditated .
Driver : NO ! I affirm , I hardly lost control of the car and I be gon na either hit that o * * … to the left of the road or cover into that exposed picnic party entire of kids that live on the early side of the road . What would you own make ! ?
Detective : good , I would receive become for the o * * …
Driver : Exactly what I thought as well ! But then that guy ran into the picnic party and I have to get after him .
I intend I made an original gag , at least none of my friends have ever heard it before .
Why did the duck get a detective ?
Why ?
So he could QUACK the case !
Breaking News in North Korea : 11.47PM – 1 active Covid type notice !
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit words
A detective be trying to solve a m * * … mystery
A lady was killed by being stabbed 17 times . The only evidence cost a knife , full build of concrete . The detective direct the knife to a lab , hope for any DNA grounds , but unfortunately , the results arrive back inconclusive .
The detective exist puzzled . He exist sure it was concrete grounds .
A detective move for a circumcision .
A truck carrying cattle and a truck carrying cannabis get into a car accident .
Neither party can concur on who ‘s blame the accident live , so they employ a detective . This is the detective ‘s first day on the job and his boss tells him , If you can solve this case you begin a publicity , even so if you neglect you will be arouse . The steaks cost high .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit speech
Playgrounds in the UK have make up fitted with modern p * * … detection systems to help protect youngster
The caller behind the engineering has call it NonceSense™
Wife : “ My husband have got to exist the worst detective ! ”
Wife : “ My husband has got to exist the bad detective ! ”
Friend : “ Why do you say that ? ”
Wife : “ He state he would n’t rest until he found his suspect ”
Friend : “ That act n’t sound then bad ”
Wife : “ He was talking in his sleep ! ”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may check profanity or explicit language
Detective Study
A urologist is sitting down to lunch when he make a shout from a NYPD detective . Puzzled , he clean up the phone and heed as the detective item the fact patterns of a h * * …. After about 5 minutes the detective finish , re-summarizes the facts , and ask the urologist : “ Who do you think invest the m * * … ? ”
The urologist suppose “ Listen , fellow , I intend you hold the wrong number . I ‘m a doctor . ”
The detective says “ Correct ! Hence , in urinalysis , who dedicate the crime ?
My wife has a sinus condition that suppresses her ability to detect odors
But she gets break when I tell mass that she make n’t smell serious .
how do the detective know that quasimodo live the killer ?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may hold profanity or explicit lyric
A detective story
11:45 – arrived at crime scene
11:45 – Examine torso . sign of conflict
11:45 – Found m * * … weapon in drain
11:45 – Realize watch cost broken
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
