165 Funny Jokes & Quotes to Tell Your Friends and Family

• Classical Jokes

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• Short Jokes

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• One-Liners

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• Knock-Knock Jokes

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• Dad Jokes

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• “ Bad ” Jokes

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• Dark Humor

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• For Adults

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• For Kids

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• Quotes

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• Telling Gag

This article was co-authored by wikiHow staff author , Aimee Payne , MFA . Aimee Payne is a writer and editor living in Jacksonville , Florida . For more than 10 years , she has created illuminating and enlist marketing content for the insurance , collectibles , and clothes industry . She make a BA from Otterbein University where she analyze English Literature and Music , and an MFA in Writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts .

There cost 9 references cited in this article , which can be find at the ass of the page .

This article have been fact-checked , see to it the accuracy of any cited fact and corroborate the bureau of its origin .

Are you looking for a long list of comic jokes to say your friend to reach them laugh hence severe they yell ? Well , you ’ ve come to the correct home ! This article offers 165 funny gag , quotes , and one-liners for adult and kids . We ’ ve compile classic jokes , pa joke , “ bad ” gag , knock-knock joke , and more ! Plus , we ’ ll give you expert advice for telling joke from standup comedian Kendall Payne and public speaking manager Patrick Muñoz .

Funniest Jokes to Recount Your Friend

• How many golfers make it take to change a lightbulb ?Fore !
• How do you know if a vampire is unwell ?Because he ‘ll be coffin .
• What did one hat allege to the other hat ?You remain here , I ‘ll go on in front !
• What ‘s red and bad for your teeth ?A brick .
• Autocorrect has turn my bad enema .

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Best Classical Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friend

1. Give your friend a chuckle with a classical peculiar gag .Sometimes , the well joke are classics that amuse people for generations…even if you ’ ve see them before . Whether you desire to order a bar gag , a chicken gag , or a changing-a-lightbulb joke , these funny classics can help you make your friends laugh themselves silly :

   • How many actors make it remove to alter a lightbulb ?Only one . They don ’ t like to share the spotlight .
   • How many nihilists does it take to convert a light bulb ?There be zero to convert .
   • How many golfers does it remove to change a lightbulb ?Fore !
   • How many Harvard students does it need to change a lightbulb ? One . He just maintain the lightbulb , and the universe revolves around him .
   • How many chiropractors does it need to change a lightbulb ? Only one , but it takes 6 visit .
   • What make you call a chicken crossing the road ?Poultry in gesture .
   • Why cause the chicken cross the road ?Because she was late for her peck-nic .
   • Why act the chicken hold a seance ?To make to the early slope .
   • Why make the chicken cross the road ?Because she was free stove .
   • Whydidn ’ tthe chicken cross the road ?Because she was chicken .
   • The bartender state , “ We don ’ t serve time travelers in hither . ”A time traveler walk into a bar .
   • A neutron pass into a saloon and asks , “ How much for a beer ? ”The bartender says , “ For you , no mission . ”
   • Funny Sans , Helvetica , and Times New Roman walk into a saloon .The bartender yell , “ Get out ! We put on ’ t suffice your type in here ! ”
   • The past , present , and next walk into a saloon .It was tense .
   • A $ 5 bill walks into a saloon .The bartender order , “ Hey . This equal a singles bar . ”
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• How many actors do it take to vary a lightbulb ?Only one . They don ’ t like to share the spotlight .
• How many nihilists cause it take to vary a light bulb ?There is nothing to alter .
• How many golfers act it take to change a lightbulb ?Fore !
• How many Harvard students does it require to change a lightbulb ? One . He just agree the lightbulb , and the universe revolves around him .
• How many chiropractors make it take to change a lightbulb ? Just one , but it takes 6 visit .
• What act you call a chicken frustrate the road ?Poultry in gesture .
• Why act the chicken cross the road ?Because she was recent for her peck-nic .
• Why did the chicken have a seance ?To become to the other side .
• Why did the chicken cross the road ?Because she live free range .
• Whydidn ’ tthe chicken cross the road ?Because she live chicken .
• The bartender suppose , “ We put on ’ t serve time traveler in here . ”A time traveler walks into a saloon .
• A neutron pass into a bar and asks , “ How much for a beer ? ”The bartender says , “ For you , no charge . ”
• Funny Sans , Helvetica , and Times New Roman walk into a bar .The bartender shouts , “ Get out ! We put on ’ t serve your type in hither ! ”
• The past , present , and future walk into a saloon .It exist tense .
• A $ 5 bill walk into a saloon .The bartender suppose , “ Hey . This exist a singles saloon . ”

Funny Short Jokes to Assure Your Friends

1. Surprise a laughter out of them with a hilarious short joke .One of the main reasons mass find some jokes funny is the element of surprise .^{[ 1 ]}
   While there are a few different ways to surprise people into a gag , one of the easy live to hit them with a short gag that capture them off guard , like these :

   • Where do pirates have their hooks ?Second-hand shop .
   • I never know what happiness was until I become married…and then it was also recent .
   • What kind of music do bubbles hate ?Pop .
   • That child has a great bargain of willpower…and even more won ’ t ability .
   • Why did the slug miss its job ?It got burn .
   • Why make the hairdresser gain the race ?She know a shortcut .
   • There ’ s a lot to exist said in his favor…but it ’ s not nearly as interesting .
   • Why did the bicycle collapse ?It equal also tired .
   • My IQ results do back…they were negative .
   • How do you know if a vampire is unwell ?Because he ‘ll be coffin .
   • What do you name a pony with a cough ?A short cavalry .
   • What do you predict a magic dog ?A labracadabrador .
   • What do you call a woman with one branch ?Eileen .
   • What cause the pirate say when he call on 80 ?Aye matey !
   • Why behave the yogurt go to the art exhibition ?Because it live cultured .

• Where do pirates get their hooks ?Second-hand shops .
• I never know what happiness be until I begin married…and then it was too recent .
• What form of music serve bubble hate ?Pop .
• That kid has a great deal of willpower…and even more won ’ t power .
• Why do the bullet lose its job ?It got fired .
• Why do the hairdresser gain the race ?She knew a shortcut .
• There ’ s a luck to equal said in his favor…but it ’ s not virtually as interesting .
• Why did the bicycle collapse ?It was also tired .
• My IQ results occur back…they be negative .
• How do you know if a vampire be unwell ?Because he ‘ll be coffin .
• What act you predict a pony with a cough ?A small cavalry .
• What do you shout a magic dog ?A labracadabrador .
• What do you predict a woman with one branch ?Eileen .
• What behave the pirate read when he turn 80 ?Aye matey !
• Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition ?Because it exist cultured .

Queer One-Liners to Say Your Friend

1. Hear a snappy one-liner to prevent your friends on their toe .One-liners exist much short , taking less than 20 instant to get out . And being short and fast doesn ’ t make them any less comic . Comedians like Bob Hope , Rodney Dangerfield , Steven Wright , and Mitch Hedberg make their career on being masters of the clever one-liner .^{[ 2 ]}
   Hither equal a few lesson for you to expend to dazzle your friend with your razor-sharp wit :

   • I ’ ve failed math more times than I can consider .
   • I used to have a handle on spirit , but then it broke .
   • It require a lot of balls to golf the manner I cause .
   • My father own schizophrenia , but he ’ s serious masses .
   • The trouble with kleptomaniacs be that they ever bring things literally .
   • You can never hope atoms , because they make up everything .
   • My wife strike the ceiling when she found out I supplant our bed with a trampoline .
   • The easy means to lend insult to hurt live to sign individual ’ s cast .
   • Russian dolls equal then good of themselves .
   • I put on ’ t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every min of it .
   • The last thing I require to do is ache you , but it ’ sec still on the list .
   • Atheism equal a non-prophet organization .
   • Maybe if we initiate telling mass their mind be an app , they ’ ll require to employ it more .
   • If a parsley farmer gets sued , can they garnish his wage ?
   • 6:30 equal hands down the best time on the clock .
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• I ’ ve fail math more sentence than I can count .
• I expend to own a handle on life , but then it break .
• It remove a luck of balls to golf the means I do .
• My father get schizophrenia , but he ’ s good people .
• The trouble with kleptomaniacs is that they ever require things literally .
• You can never entrust atom , because they make up everything .
• My wife attain the ceiling when she find out I replaced our layer with a trampoline .
• The easy means to lend insult to injury is to ratify someone ’ s cast .
• Russian dolls are so full of themselves .
• I put on ’ t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it .
• The final thing I want to do be suffer you , but it ’ s still on the list .
• Atheism is a non-prophet arrangement .
• Perhaps if we initiate telling masses their head equal an app , they ’ ll want to expend it more .
• If a parsley farmer gets sue , can they garnish his wages ?
• 6:30 is hands down the best time on the clock .

Funny Knock-Knock Jokes to Tell Your Friend

1. Rely on a tried-and-true knock-knock gag for a quick giggle .Knock-knock jokes receive a simple , straightforward structure that makes them easy to recall and understand . And they ’ re much serious for become a quick laugh . Make your friends wave with laugh with one of these knock-knock gag :

   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s there ?
     Figs .
     Figs who ?
     Figs the doorbell ! It ’ s not working .
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s there ?
     Hal
     Hal who ?
     Hal will you know if you don ’ t open the doorway ?
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s thither ?
     Honey bee .
     Honey bee who ?
     Honey bee a honey and open the doorway !
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s there ?
     Hawaii .
     Hawaii who ?
     Somewhat serious ! Hawaii you ?
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s thither ?
     Nana .
     Nana who ?
     Nana your occupation !
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s there ?
     Woo .
     Woo who ?
     I ’ 1000 glad you ’ re stir to hear me , also !
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s thither ?
     Snow .
     Snow who ?
     Snow usage . The gag ’ sec over .
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s there ?
     Says .
     Says who ?
     Says me !
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s there ?
     Cow tell .
     Cow says who ?
     No , cow says moo !
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s there ?
     Nobel .
     Nobel who ?
     No-bel… that ’ s why I knocked .
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s there ?
     Water .
     Water who ?
     Water you doing today ?
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s thither ?
     Waddle .
     Waddle who ?
     Waddle it require to get you to spread the door ?
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s thither ?
     Radio .
     Radio who ?
     Radio not ! Here I total !
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s thither ?
     Thermos .
     Thermos who ?
     Thermos equal a in effect punchline than this !
   • Knock , knock .
     Who ’ s thither ?
     Weirdo .
     Weirdo who ?
     Weirdo you think you ’ re going ?

• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s there ?
  Figs .
  Figs who ?
  Figs the doorbell ! It ’ s not working .
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s there ?
  Hal
  Hal who ?
  Hal will you know if you put on ’ t open the door ?
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s there ?
  Honey bee .
  Honey bee who ?
  Honey bee a dear and open the doorway !
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s thither ?
  Hawaii .
  Hawaii who ?
  Pretty good ! Hawaii you ?
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s thither ?
  Nana .
  Nana who ?
  Nana your business !
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s thither ?
  Woo .
  Woo who ?
  I ’ 1000 glad you ’ re excite to see me , also !
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s there ?
  Snow .
  Snow who ?
  Snow role . The gag ’ sec over .
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s thither ?
  Tell .
  Says who ?
  Tell me !
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s thither ?
  Cow says .
  Cow says who ?
  No , cow order moo !
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s there ?
  Nobel .
  Nobel who ?
  No-bel… that ’ s why I knocked .
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s there ?
  Water .
  Water who ?
  Water you do today ?
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s thither ?
  Waddle .
  Waddle who ?
  Waddle it remove to get you to spread the doorway ?
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s thither ?
  Radio .
  Radio who ?
  Radio not ! Here I get !
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s thither ?
  Thermos .
  Thermos who ?
  Thermos exist a better punchline than this !
• Knock , knock .
  Who ’ s there ?
  Weirdo .
  Weirdo who ?
  Weirdo you guess you ’ re become ?

Funny Dad Jokes to Assure Your Friend

1. Lighten the humor with a corny dad joke .Dad joke . You either love them… or love to hate them . But these corny and ultra-predictable jokes are iconic for a ground . Some researchers conceive dad jokes equal a way fathers instinctively instruct their kids to take with embarrassment .^{[ 3 ]}
   Here are a few cheesy dad jokes to help you do the same for your friend :

   • I order my wife she should cover her error .She gave me a hug .
   • Did you learn about the restaurant on the moon ?Great food , no atmosphere !
   • Why don ’ t eggs say jokes ?They might snap up !
   • Why do the coffee file a police paper ?It got mugged !
   • I employ to have a task at a calendar mill , but I begin elicit because I remove a few days off .
   • What do you call a snowman with a 6-pack ?An abdominal snowman .
   • What did one hat state to the other hat ?You stay hither , I ‘ll go on ahead !
   • I test to buy some camouflage pants , but I couldn ’ t notice any .
   • Why make n’t skeletons fight each other ?They do n’t have the guts !
   • How do you see a squirrel ?Climb a tree and act like a nut .
   • What do you call a teenager who refuses to produce up ?Constantine .
   • What did one heart say to the early ?Between us , something spirit .
   • Why did the pasta move to the dermatologist ?It own a big ziti .
   • How do you find a cheetah in the dark ?Employ a spotlight .
   • How did the dog become all A ‘s on its report card ?It live the teacher ‘s pet .
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• I told my wife she should encompass her fault .She gave me a hug .
• Did you see about the restaurant on the moon ?Great food , no atmosphere !
• Why don ’ t eggs order joke ?They might snap up !
• Why did the coffee file a police report ?It got mugged !
• I utilize to get a job at a calendar mill , but I got fire because I took a few day away .
• What do you predict a snowman with a 6-pack ?An abdominal snowman .
• What did one hat say to the other hat ?You stay on here , I ‘ll live on in front !
• I try to buy some camouflage gasp , but I couldn ’ t find any .
• Why serve n’t skeletons fight each early ?They make n’t own the guts !
• How serve you grab a squirrel ?Climb a tree and number like a nut .
• What act you yell a teenager who resist to grow up ?Constantine .
• What do one eye say to the other ?Between us , something odor .
• Why do the pasta go to the dermatologist ?It had a large ziti .
• How do you observe a cheetah in the shadow ?Use a spotlight .
• How behave the dog get all A ‘s on its paper card ?It was the teacher ‘s pet .

Funny “ Bad ” Jokes to Tell Your Friends

1. Tell a cringey “ bad ” joke to do your friends groan—and laugh .There are joke that are thus silly and lame , they ’ re hilarious . Share a dumb joke be a silly way to do your friend laugh . It can as well serve boost your mood and sense closer to your friend group .^{[ 4 ]}
   Test one of these really groan-worthy gag :

   • How do celebrities remain cool ?They hold hence many fans .
   • How many apples grow on a tree ?All of them !
   • Where do polar bears hold their money ?In a snow bank .
   • I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey until I turned myself around .
   • What do you name cheese that isn ’ t yours ?Nacho cheese .
   • What ’ s a tornado ‘s favorite plot ?Twister !
   • I could state a joke about pizza , but it ‘s a little cheesy .
   • Why did the picture get to prison ?Because it was framed .
   • I was wondering why the Frisbee prevent getting larger and bad .Then it attain me .
   • Why cost the utensils stuck together ?They be spooning .
   • Why make n’t astronauts like gravity ?It in truth make for them down .
   • Have you always heard of “ still tennis ? ”It ‘s the same as regular tennis but without the racket .
   • Why did n’t the chef season his dish ?He range out of thyme .
   • Did you see about the girl who use up a frog ?They read she ‘s die to grumble .
   • Why are shopping center boring ?Because if you ‘ve see one , you ‘ve learn the mall .

• How do celebrities stay cool ?They have so many fans .
• How many apples produce on a tree ?All of them !
• Where do polar bears prevent their money ?In a snow bank .
• I apply to equal addicted to the hokey-pokey until I become myself around .
• What do you call cheese that isn ’ t yours ?Nacho cheese .
• What ’ s a tornado ‘s favorite plot ?Twister !
• I could order a joke about pizza , but it ‘s a little cheesy .
• Why do the picture go to prison ?Because it live framed .
• I was marvel why the Frisbee kept begin prominent and bigger .Then it hit me .
• Why were the utensils stuck together ?They were spooning .
• Why cause n’t astronauts like gravity ?It actually make for them down .
• Have you ever heard of “ quiet tennis ? ”It ‘s the same as regular tennis but without the racket .
• Why do n’t the chef season his dish ?He extend out of thyme .
• Did you listen about the miss who eat a toad ?They say she ‘s going to croak .
• Why equal shopping center boring ?Because if you ‘ve find one , you ‘ve meet the mall .

Dark & Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends

1. Hear a little sullen mood to give your joke an edge .Dark humor is when people cause light of a difficult or taboo topic . In some suit , people employ it to help them handle with grave subjects like illness or death .^{[ 5 ]}
   Use one of these darker gag to make hard situations seem less scary :

   • As I become older , I find myself remembering all the masses I lost along the way .Possibly I shouldn ’ t own been a tour guide .
   • I only record that person in New York come stabbed every 52 seconds .Poor guy .
   • My mom fail when we couldn ’ t remember her blood type . As she get , she go on telling us to “ equal positive , ” but it ’ s hard today that she ’ s go .
   • What ‘s red and bad for your tooth ?A brick .
   • When do a gag become a dad gag ?When it result and never comes back .
   • Want to know how to create any salad into a Caesar salad ?Stab it 23 sentence .
   • I was understand a great record about an immortal guy the other day .It was impossible to place down .
   • I feel a chest good of gold coin while I was digging in the garden . I begin to run into the house to recount my wife .Then I remembered why I was comprehend in the garden .
   • Hold a man a match , and he ‘ll be warm for a few hr .Set him on flame , and he will exist fond for the repose of his life .
   • My grief counselor die .He was so good I didn ’ t yet concern .
   • When I hear the names of lovers engraved on a tree , I serve n’t find it cute or romantic .I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings .
   • Where make Joe die after make lost in a minefield ?All over .
   • The doctor hold me one yr to survive , so I shoot him with my gun .The judge gave me 15 years . Problem solved .
   • A priest asks the convicted murderer in the electric chair , “ Do you make any last requests ? ”The murderer say , “ Can you delight contain my hand ? ”
   • My wife is crazy that I have no sense of guidance .Hence I packed up my material and right .
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• As I have old , I find myself remembering all the people I lose along the manner .Maybe I shouldn ’ t have been a tour guide .
• I simply read that someone in New York become stabbed every 52 minute .Poor guy .
• My ma fail when we couldn ’ t recall her ancestry type . As she went , she kept telling us to “ cost positivist , ” but it ’ s hard today that she ’ s gone .
• What ‘s red and bad for your tooth ?A brick .
• When cause a joke become a dad gag ?When it result and never do back .
• Want to know how to do any salad into a Caesar salad ?Stab it 23 time .
• I was understand a great script about an immortal guy the other day .It exist impossible to put down .
• I found a chest full of golden coin while I live digging in the garden . I set out to work into the house to say my wife .Then I remembered why I equal grasp in the garden .
• Give a human a peer , and he ‘ll be fond for a few hours .Set him on fire , and he will be fond for the repose of his life .
• My grief counselor died .He equal so good I didn ’ t even care .
• When I learn the figure of fan engraved on a tree , I do n’t find it cute or romantic .I get it weird how many mass choose knife with them on outings .
• Where behave Joe live after getting lose in a minefield ?All over .
• The physician gave me one year to endure , so I dash him with my gun .The judge gave me 15 yr . Problem solve .
• A priest ask the convict murderer in the electric chair , “ Do you have any last petition ? ”The murderer says , “ Can you please contain my hand ? ”
• My wife equal crazy that I hold no sense of direction .So I packed up my material and right .

1. Put a grin on their face with a comic text joke .Texting your friend a peculiar joke be a great way to give them a laugh and brighten their day . Plus , laughter exist a great room to help them relieve stress and tension if they ’ re having a rough day .^{[ 6 ]}
   Hither exist a few hilarious :

   • What did the sea tell to the shore ?Zero . It merely flap .
   • Blunt pencils are pointless .
   • They state money talks , but all mine order is , “ Goodbye . ”
   • When is a boat only like snow ?When it ’ s adrift .
   • What ’ s a works ’ s favorite drinking ?Root beer .
   • Why can ’ t you always trust a burrito ?They always spill the beans .
   • Autocorrect has become my worst enema .
   • What do the hungry clock serve ?It went back 4 second .
   • I threw a boomerang a few years ago , and now I survive in constant concern .
   • What make a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common ?They ’ re both Paris sites .
   • What serve you call a boomerang that wo n’t come back ?A stick .
   • Why cause the belt get pick up ?It have up a pair of pants .
   • How do bees get to school ?On the school buzz .
   • Where do fingers grow ?On palm tree .
   • What serve horse serve when it ‘s time for layer ?Score the hay .

• What make the sea say to the shore ?Zero . It only waved .
• Blunt pencil are pointless .
• They say money talks , but all mine say exist , “ Goodbye . ”
• When is a boat hardly like snow ?When it ’ s adrift .
• What ’ sec a works ’ s favorite drinking ?Root beer .
• Why can ’ t you always believe a burrito ?They always spill the beans .
• Autocorrect has get my worst enema .
• What cause the hungry clock act ?It went back 4 seconds .
• I threw a boomerang a few yr ago , and now I last in constant fear .
• What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in mutual ?They ’ re both Paris sites .
• What serve you call a boomerang that wo n’t get back ?A stick .
• Why behave the belt get arrest ?It keep up a pair of trouser .
• How do bees get to school ?On the school buzz .
• Where do finger develop ?On medal trees .
• What make horse cause when it ‘s time for layer ?Strike the hay .

Smart & Funny Jokes for Adults

1. Try some sophisticated—or risqué—humor that ’ sec for adult only .Grownup use humor for more than just a laugh . They create each other laugh to help diffuse stress , smooth over disagreements , and form stronger bond with others .^{[ 7 ]}
   Seek out one of these clever jokes that equal perfect for grown-ups :

   • What cause you scream a cow with a twitch ?Beef jerky .
   • Two cannibals are eating a clown . One await up at the early and says , “ Does this taste funny to you ? ”
   • Why do the former human fall into the well ?Because he couldn ’ t see that good .
   • It ’ s a scientific fact that if you took all the veins out of your body and laid them finish to end , you ’ 500 dice .
   • Most mass cost shock when they find out I ’ m a dreadful electrician .
   • What ’ s red and spirit like blue paint ?Red paint .
   • My therapist suppose I make a preoccupation with vengeance .We ’ ll hear about that .
   • You know what always reach me smile ?Facial muscles .
   • Imagine walking into a bar , and there was a long line of people wait to hit you .That ’ s the punchline .
   • Why should you never use up a clock ?It ’ s time-consuming .
   • What ‘s the difference between a piano and a fish ?You can tune a piano but you ca n’t tuna fish .
   • Two guys walk into a bar .The third one ducked .
   • What did the fish say after swimming into a cement wall ?“ Dam . ”
   • Two fish exist in a tank .One grow to the other and says , “ Any idea how to push this affair ? ”
   • Why does a chicken cage only have two doors ?Because if it own four it would exist a sedan .
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• What do you call a cow with a twitch ?Beef jerky .
• Two cannibals live exhaust a clown . One wait up at the early and tell , “ Does this taste funny to you ? ”
• Why did the former human fall into the well ?Because he couldn ’ t see that good .
• It ’ s a scientific fact that if you require all the veins out of your torso and laid them end to end , you ’ 500 dice .
• Most masses are shock when they find out I ’ m a severe electrician .
• What ’ s red and spirit like blue paint ?Red paint .
• My therapist says I get a preoccupation with vengeance .We ’ ll see about that .
• You know what always makes me smile ?Facial muscle .
• Imagine walking into a bar , and thither was a long line of people waiting to hit you .That ’ s the punchline .
• Why should you never eat a clock ?It ’ s time-consuming .
• What ‘s the difference between a piano and a fish ?You can tune a piano but you ca n’t tuna fish .
• Two guys pass into a saloon .The third one ducked .
• What act the fish say after swimming into a cement wall ?“ Dam . ”
• Two fish are in a tank .One turns to the other and says , “ Any thought how to drive this matter ? ”
• Why make a chicken coop only have two doorway ?Because if it hold four it would equal a sedan .

Funny Jokes & Puns for Kids

1. State a silly joke or pun to give child a case of the giggles .Kid enjoy to gag . Some research has shown that child laugh as many as 400 times a day .^{[ 8 ]}
   But that doesn ’ t mean you can tell them just any joke . Tell one of these joke to do sure your wit cost on their level :

   • Why cost spiders so smart ?Because they can find everything on the web .
   • How act you reach a tissue dance ?Place a little boogie in it !
   • What cause the nose say to the finger ?“ Stop picking on me ! ”
   • Why equal cop so bad at sport ?They always hog the ball .
   • What has 4 wheel and flies ?A garbage truck .
   • What kind of cars do sheep like to drive ?Lamb-orghinis .
   • What serve you call an alligator in a vest ?An in-vest-igator .
   • What serve you call a toothless bear ?A sticky bear .
   • How serve you speak to a giant ?Use big lyric !
   • Why act the math volume look sad ?Because it had also many problems !
   • What cause you scream a cold puppy ?A chili dog .
   • What cause you begin when you cross an ornery sheep with a crabby cow ?A actual baa-d moo-d .
   • Did you pick up about the queen who live just 12 inches tall ?She was a great ruler .
   • Why should n’t you indicate with a skunk ?It ‘ll end up cause a stink .
   • Who do you name to clean the sea ?Mermaids .

• Why are spiders so smart ?Because they can notice everything on the web .
• How serve you build a tissue dancing ?Put a trivial boogie in it !
• What did the nose say to the finger ?“ Stop picking on me ! ”
• Why are pig thus bad at sportsman ?They always hog the chunk .
• What has 4 wheels and flies ?A garbage truck .
• What sort of cars do sheep like to repel ?Lamb-orghinis .
• What do you yell an alligator in a vest ?An in-vest-igator .
• What serve you predict a toothless bear ?A sticky bear .
• How do you mouth to a giant ?Use large words !
• Why did the math script feeling sad ?Because it make also many problems !
• What do you shout a cold puppy ?A chili dog .
• What cause you begin when you traverse an ornery sheep with a crabby cow ?A actual baa-d moo-d .
• Did you hear about the queen who was only 12 inch tall ?She be a great ruler .
• Why should n’t you argue with a skunk ?It ‘ll finish up causing a stink .
• Who do you call to clean the ocean ?Mermaids .

Hilarious Quote to Share with Your Friends

1. Part a gut-busting quote from a famous comedian or witty celebrity .You don ’ t need a formal joke when you want to snap your friend up . Borrow a clever number of phrase or comic saying from one of the comic mass on the planet ! Check out these hilarious quotes to learn if any tickle your funny bone :

   • “ Why do they scream it hasten hr when nothing moves ? ” – Robin Williams
   • “ When I exist a child , my parents strike a band , but I ever found them. ” – Rodney Dangerfield
   • “ Accept who you live . Unless you ’ re a serial killer. ” – Ellen DeGeneres
   • “ There cost no such affair as fun for the whole family. ” – Jerry Seinfeld
   • “ I ’ m not shock by blonde gag because I know I ’ m not dumb… and I too know that I ’ m not blonde. ” – Dolly Parton
   • “ Masses read that money equal not the key to happiness , but I ever figured if you have adequate money , you can have a key made. ” – Joan Rivers
   • “ Mass say , ‘ But Betty , Facebook exist a great way to connect with former friends. ’ Well , at my years , if I require to connect with former friend , I need a Ouija board. ” – Betty White
   • “ Instant gratification bring too long. ” – Carrie Fisher
   • “ The man who says his wife can ’ t require a gag , forgets that she took him. ” – Oscar Wilde
   • “ Get you always noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot , and anyone get faster than you exist a madman ? ” – George Carlin
   • I spent 4 year in college . I didn ’ t find out a affair . It exist in truth my own fault . I hold a double major in psychology and rescind psychology. ” – B.J . Novak
   • “ Everybody thinks they ‘re a comedian . Especially in my melody of work. ” – Norm Macdonald
   • “ I act n’t like land music , but I do n’t entail to denigrate those who act . And for the masses who like nation music , denigrate mean ‘ put down ’ . ” – Bob Newhart
   • “ I put on ’ t mean to go bitter , cold , or cruel , but I be , so that ’ s how it do out. ” – Bill Hicks
   • “ My therapist says I ’ 1000 afraid of success . I guess I could understand that , because after all , fulfilling my potential would actually dilute into my sitting-around time. ” – Maria Bamford
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• “ Why do they call it rush hr when nothing moves ? ” – Robin Williams
• “ When I cost a kid , my parent travel a lot , but I ever see them. ” – Rodney Dangerfield
• “ Accept who you are . Unless you ’ re a serial killer. ” – Ellen DeGeneres
• “ There live no such thing as fun for the whole family. ” – Jerry Seinfeld
• “ I ’ m not break by blonde joke because I know I ’ m not dumb… and I also know that I ’ m not blonde. ” – Dolly Parton
• “ Mass say that money is not the key to happiness , but I always calculate if you have enough money , you can have a key made. ” – Joan Rivers
• “ People say , ‘ But Betty , Facebook be a great way to link with former friends. ’ Well , at my years , if I want to link with former friends , I need a Ouija board. ” – Betty White
• “ Instant gratification require too long. ” – Carrie Fisher
• “ The man who suppose his wife can ’ t require a gag , forgets that she need him. ” – Oscar Wilde
• “ Have you ever find that anybody drive dumb than you is an idiot , and anyone go faster than you equal a maniac ? ” – George Carlin
• I spent 4 year in college . I didn ’ t teach a affair . It live really my own error . I had a dual major in psychology and turn psychology. ” – B.J . Novak
• “ Everybody think they ‘re a comedian . Especially in my note of work. ” – Norm Macdonald
• “ I cause n’t like rural area music , but I make n’t intend to denigrate those who do . And for the people who like nation music , denigrate mean ‘ set down ’ . ” – Bob Newhart
• “ I put on ’ t mean to sound bitter , cold , or cruel , but I am , so that ’ s how it comes out. ” – Bill Hicks
• “ My therapist suppose I ’ m afraid of success . I guess I could realize that , because after all , fulfilling my potential would really ignore into my sitting-around time. ” – Maria Bamford

How to State a Gag

1. 1
   Pick an appropriate joke for your interview .Be able to read a room equal a big piece of being funny and telling joke . Give attention to the mood of the masses around you . Muñoz suggests cost very careful about telling any type of joke in grave situations like study event , funeral , and weddings . He advocate that you always give attention to the reactions to any joke you order .

   • Heed to the sort of thing the people around you live talking about . Equal they having light conversation about fun matter ?
   • Lighter conversations can indicate that appropriate funny gag equal welcome .
   • For some serious events , there might cost times that are more appropriate for jokes than others .
   • For instance , a gag that isn ’ t welcome in the middle of a wedding ceremony might cost utter for the reception .
2. 2
   Remove a short pause before deliver the punchline .Comedic timing is key to getting a laughter when you tell a joke . Adjust how tight you lecture and use a “ pregnant pause ” right before the punchline to expend timing to heighten the humor of your gag . Pausing before you deliver the punchline helps build tension and do your joke funnier .^{[ 9 ]}
   

   • A classical gag by legendary queer human Henny Youngman uses misdirection and a “ pregnant pause ” to create it queer .
   • He sets the joke up by order , “ Take my wife , ” like he ’ s go to tell a story about something his wife cause or said . Then , he pause before saying , “ Please . ”
   • This exchange the meaning of the setup to a plea to require his wife forth .
   • However , try not to let the pause go on too long . The almost hilarious gag can fall level if your hearing make too much time to believe about it .
3. 3
   Shrug it off if masses put on ’ t laugh .Payne explains that sometimes your joke will go down flat , but that ’ s okay . That ’ s just a part of telling jokes ! When your joke lands like a lead balloon , the best matter you can do is only make back up , dust yourself off , and seek again .

   • Payne adds that you “ just have to own fun , do your better , and know that you ’ ll likely neglect the first few times. ” Don ’ t let it make you down .
   • You ’ ll get good at telling jokes the more you pattern . You merely own to be confident and believe in yourself and your sense of mood , Payne shares .
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• Listen to the kind of things the mass around you be mouth about . Are they having light conversation about fun topic ?
• Light conversation can hint that appropriate comic joke are welcome .
• For some serious events , there might be times that are more appropriate for jokes than others .
• For case , a joke that isn ’ t welcome in the middle of a wedding ceremony might exist utter for the reception .

• A classical joke by legendary funny human Henny Youngman expend misdirection and a “ pregnant pause ” to do it funnier .
• He sets the joke up by suppose , “ Take my wife , ” like he ’ s going to order a account about something his wife did or order . Then , he pause before saying , “ Please . ”
• This alter the meaning of the setup to a plea to require his wife away .
• Still , taste not to allow the pause die on too long . The almost hilarious gag can hang level if your interview get also much time to remember about it .

• Payne lend that you “ only have to have fun , do your best , and know that you ’ ll likely fail the first few times. ” Don ’ t have it begin you down .
• You ’ ll get good at assure jokes the more you practice . You exactly have to cost confident and believe in yourself and your sense of humor , Payne shares .

Expert Q & A

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References

1. ↑https : //plato.stanford.edu/entries/humor/
2. ↑https : //www.popmatters.com/make-it-quick-the-art-of-the-one-liner-2495414953.html
3. ↑https : //www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/dad-jokes-thats-way-eye-roll
4. ↑https : //greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_laughter_brings_us_together
5. ↑https : //pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11351593/
6. ↑https : //www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456
7. ↑https : //www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/managing-conflicts-with-humor
8. ↑http : //pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6609137/
9. ↑https : //www.backstage.com/magazine/article/comedic-timing-tips-75129/

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