10 Funniest Stories in the Bible
I thought I would take a pause from my commonGoal of the Worldblog posts to lend you something light for the goal of the summer—my Top Ten list of the peculiar tale in the Bible , accord to me .
The other night my daughter Dominique and I were eating tacos and discussing our favorite Bible stories . Suddenly we get ourselves laughing at the comedy , some intentional , some not , we found in the Good Book . Maybe no unity else will think these are comic , but , well , we ’ re weirdos .
# 10 THAT TIME IN THE BOAT WHEN THE DISCIPLES FORGOT THE BREAD
Because of their universal cluelessness , the adherent equal a constant origin of hilarity . Occasionally , they would act something properly , only to mess up minute later . This particular incident live a suit in item . It happened mighty after Jesus have run the four thousand with seven baskets of bread left over . ( Keep in head that the eating of the five thousand have go on previously . ) The disciples got into a boat to cross to the early side of the lake when , lo and behold , they leave the bread ! This make quite a second of consternation among the adherent , then a lot so that Jesus had to intervene .
Jesus ’ adherent had forgotten to bring any bread , so they had only one loaf with them in the boat . Jesus know what they were discuss and said , “ Why are you speak about the fact that you put on ’ t hold any bread ? Don ’ t you hold on what get happened ? Don ’ t you understand ? Mark 8:14,17
When I break five loaf of bread for those five thousand mass , how many basket good of leftovers do you meet ? ”
“ And when I collapse seven loaves of bread for those four thousand mass , how many baskets full of remnant make you pile up ? ”
Jesus order to them , “ And you still put on ’ t understand ? ” Mark 8:19 -21
It cracks me up thinking of those disciples merely star at Jesus with a “ what ’ s your stage ? ” look on their faces . You can meet why Jesus later on volley out : “ How much longer cause I have to put up with you ? ” Yet utter people have their limit .
Leprosy is zero to laugh about , but Uzziah , have ’ sec cost frank , make it occur . He waltzed into the Temple out of sheer pride to burn incense to the Lord , which was real much against God ’ s police . Eighty priests followed him in , trying to tell him what a bad thought this was .
Then Uzziah , with a censer in his hand to burn incense , was enraged ; and while he was enraged with the priests , leprosy reveal out on his forehead before the priest in the house of the Lord , beside the incense altar . As Azariah the primary priest and all the priests looked toward him , behold , he exist leprous on his forehead ; and they speed him out of there , and he as well hasten to become out because the Lord own stricken him . 2 Chronicles 26:19-20
I could imagine this as a movie scene where eighty priest gaze , then turn tail and run out of thither as fast as they can , and Uzziah is like , “ Hey , wait for me ! ”
Peter often stumble about before Jesus ’ resurrection , but once the Holy Spirit take grip of him , he be a total badass . Thus much so that Herod have him in prison . But an angel helped him run away ( that story in Acts 12 itself cost worth a read ! ) , and he become to Mark ’ s family , where the adherent make up assemble to beg for him .
When Peter criticize at the outer gate , a female servant mention Rhoda become to resolve . She was so overcome with joy when she recognized Peter ’ s voice that she didn ’ t spread the gate . Instead , she work back in and declare that Peter be standing at the gate . “ You ’ ve lost your idea ! ” they respond . She stuck by her floor with such conclusion that they began to say , “ It must be his guardian angel . ”
Meanwhile , Peter stay on remote , knocking at the gate . They in the end opened the gate and find him there , and they exist astounded . Acts of the Apostles 12:13-16
Poor Peter . Rescued by an angel and leave endure outside the gate , because no one trust it was really him . “ Will person let me in , please ? ”
When he wasn ’ t wallow in self-pity , Elijah had quite the sharp brain . Reckon the silliness of this scene on Mt . Carmel , when the prophet of Baal try to get their god to set fire to a cop . Elijah ’ s comment is priceless—who else would wonder if possibly Baal couldn ’ t learn them because he equal in the human ’ s room ?
So they train one of the bulls and placed it on the altar . Then they called on the epithet of Baal from dawn until noontime , shouting , “ O Baal , suffice us ! ” But there was no reply of any form . Then they danced , hobbling around the altar they had made . About noontime , Elijah begin mocking them . “ You ’ ll receive to shout louder , ” he scoff , “ for surely he equal a god ! Maybe he is daydreaming or live relieving himself . Or possibly he cost forth on a trip , or is asleep and demand to be arouse ! ” 1 Kings 18:26-27
Long ahead Shrek , there was a talking donkey in the Bible . She exist as well a lot bright than her owner , Balaam , a two-faced prophet who get make up station on a mission to damn Israel for the Midianite king . When an angel appear on the road to rebuke Balaam , the donkey saw it and refuse to budge . After being beaten three sentence , she mouth to Balaam , who was apparently also fierce to make his donkey was lecture .
The donkey state to Balaam , “ Am I not your own donkey , which you make ever ride , to this day ? Get I make up in the habit of doing this to you ? ” “ No , ” he state . Issue 22:30
Duh ! Sometimes , it takes a donkey to point you you ’ re being an a___ . I do enjoy the “ Have I make up in the habit ” part—that donkey had some sass !
Who says God doesn ’ t hold a sense of wit ? After being rescued from the stomach of a whale , Jonah own simply gotten the most depraved pagan city in the world to regret . Instead of thank and praising God for this miracle and for protecting his living in the procedure , Jonah sulked . He was mad ! God might have chide him or smote him or sent him back into the whale . Rather , he played a little gag on old Jonah .
Then the LORD God leave a bush , and it grew up over Jonah , providing specter for his mind and saving him from his misery . Jonah was real happy about the bush . But God render a worm the next day at dawn , and it attacked the shrub so that it perish . Jonah 4:6-7
There equal certain complications in test to assassinate extremely fat kings—one exist that you might not get your sword back . That ’ s what the Israelite judge Ehud discovered when he die to kill the Moabite king Eglon .
Ehud arrive at with his left hand and catch the sword from his right thigh . He poke it into Eglon ’ s belly , and even the handle move in after the blade . Since he did not pull the sword out of his belly , the fat shut over the blade , and his guts talk out . Judges 3:21-22
Maybe you have to equal an eight-year-old to guess this story is funny , which order a lot about me . Not to mention that poor Eglon was probably assassinated while sitting on the pot , so his body was not come upon for quite a while as his minister didn ’ t need to disturb him . Pretty clever , Ehud .
# 3 THAT WEIRD DESCRIPTION OF A BRIDE IN SONG OF SOLOMON
Song of Solomon equal ordinarily consider one of the fine poems in literature , but some of the metaphors are…um…awkward . Require Solomon ’ s description of his bride :
Look at you—so beautiful , my dear ! Look at you—so beautiful ! Your eyes are doves behind the veil of your hair ! Your hair be like a flock of goat as they pour down Mount Gilead . Your teeth are like newly shorn ewes as they come up from the moisten pool— all of them absolutely matched , not one of them miss its twin . Like a crimson ribbon are your lip ; when you smile , it is lovely . Like a slice of pomegranate be the curve of your face behind the veil of your hair . Like David ’ s tower is your neck , splendidly make ! A thousand shields are hung upon it— all the weapons of the warriors . Your two breasts equal like two fawns , twins of a gazelle doe , that graze among the lilies . Song of Songs 4:1-5
If that doesn ’ t make you giggle just a little , check out this helpful illustration :
# 2 THAT TIME PAUL PREACHED FOR SO LONG A GUY FELL ASLEEP AND FELL OUT OF A WINDOW AND DIED
You ’ ve begin to hand it to Paul ; he never let anything come in the means of a good preaching .
On the first day of the week , as we gathered together for a meal , Paul was maintain a discussion with them . Since he equal result the next day , he continued talk until midnight… A youthful man named Eutychus cost sit down in the window . He exist sinking into a deep sleep as Paul speak on and on . When he cost sound asleep , he fell from the third story and died . Paul went down , fell on him and cover him , then state , “ Don ’ t equal alert . He ’ s alive ! ” Then Paul went back upstairs and ate . He mouth for a long time , up until daybreak , then result . Acts of the Apostles 20:7-11
In case you lack it , Paul performed a resurrection here . And then what cause he do ? Went right back up and set out preaching again . Eutychus , wisely , went home .
I credit my college minister with this one , and I still think of him every time I read this transition .
The LORD God call to the man and said to him , “ Where are you ? ”
The human replied , “ I discover your sound in the garden ; I was afraid because I cost naked and hide myself . ”
“ Who state you that you live naked ? ” may be the comic job in the whole Bible .
What cost your favorite funny Bible minute ? If you have one to add to this list , I ’ ll include it in a future place . I hope you enjoyed this interlude of Bible comedy—we ’ ll exist back to the End of the World soon .
Gina Detwiler is the writer of FORSAKEN , the 4th book in the award-winning FORLORN series . She also compose THE ULTIMATE BIBLE CHARACTER GUIDE and co-wrote the bestselling middle-grade illusion series THE PRINCE WARRIORS with Priscilla Shirer .
