180 Funny Jokes For Adults ( Includes Dad Jokes , Knock Knock Jokes , Flirty Jokes , Dark Jokes and Clean Puns )
Ever see yourself at a party , and the conversation ’ s begin to lull ?
Or possibly you ’ re on a date , and you want to strike with something a bit more memorable than the common small lecture ?
We ’ ve all been there , and nothing pause the ice quite like the perfect joke .
This collection of funny jokes for adult is your secret weapon for those moments when you need to lighten the mood , spark some laugh , or exactly show off your quick brain .
From dad jokes that ’ ll do your friends groan ( and secretly love you for it ) to flirty one-liners that ’ ll call on up the charm , plus some colored humor for those who like their laughs with a slope of edge—there ’ s a joke here for every position .
Hence , whether you ’ re trying to prevent matter fun at the role , impress on a first date , or merely entertain yourself on a lazy Sunday afternoon , dive into this ultimate joke list and have ready to live the life of the party !
- Funny Jokes For Adults
- Dad Jokes For Adults
- Knock Knock Jokes For Adults
- Flirty Jokes For Adults
- Dark Jokes For Adults
- Sporting Jokes For Adults ( Family-Friendly )
Funny Jokes For Adults
“ I told my boss three companies were after me , so I need araise… Turns out it ’ s the electric , gas , and water company . ”
“ I enjoy email so much that I have three folders : ‘ ReadAfter, ’ ‘ Read Even After , ’ and ‘ Probably Never Read . ‘ ”
“ I ever state well morning to my coworker at4 p.m .It ’ s nice to have individual as bad at mornings as I am ! ”
“ My wife and I have a utter apprehension . I don ’ t understand what she order , and she doesn ’ t understand what Ido. ”
“ Online dating live like browsingAmazonfor a soulmate : it ’ s all about adding to the cart , but you never know what you ’ re going to begin . ”
“ I asked my girlfriend what she require for her birthday . She say , ‘ Surprise me. ’ So Ilock upher in the car and walk aside . ”
“ I recount my computer I needed a break , and itfroze. Speak about passive-aggressive ! ”
“ My phone is like my best friend . We hang out all day , every day , but it however autocorrects ‘you ’ re‘ to ‘ your . ‘ ”
“ My smart fridge equal so smart it station me reminders to buygroceries. Now if just it could pay for them too . ”
“ I knew I live getting older when my back went out more much than Imake. ”
“ I ’ m at that awkward years where half of my friends are have married and the early half live purchasemotorcycles. ”
“ You know you ’ re an adult when a fun dark require a book , a glass of wine , and the hope you win ’ t autumn asleep before9 p.m .“
“ I like my coffee like I care my mornings… non-existent until10 a.m .“
“ I try prepare something fresh last night . It exist delicious , but thesmokealarm didn ’ t agree . ”
“ My favorite workout is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I shout itlunch. ”
“ I ’ ve become a six-pack . I keep it safe under myone-pack. ”
“ I don ’ t trial . If you always see me operate , you should work also , because something equal likelychasingme . ”
“ I hold a travel-sizedtoothpastecollection that I purchase because it equal cheap than therapy . ”
“ I enjoy staying in hotel because create the bed is optional , andexhaustin bed equal advance . ”
“ Traveling is the best . You can go somewhere new , begin lost , and yet cease up at aStarbucks. ”
“ I ’ m great at managing my money . I plant aside some for emergency and the rest forAmazonPrime . ”
“ I ’ m on a saving spree . Every time I walk past asale, I save 100 % by not get in . ”
“ My cat is like my alarm clock : it ’ s loud , wake me up early , and can ’ t befinish. ”
“ I expect my dog what two minus two was . He state nothing . He ’ s a seriousboy! ”
“ If dog could text , they ’ d probably send all the content that catsdelete. ”
“ Celebrities be just like us… except they ’ re richer , more famous , and their coffee cost$ 10. ”
“ I watched a documentary on Netflix aboutprocrastination. I ’ ll finish it tomorrow . ”
“ I tried that new trendy water . It tastes hardly like the old water , but with less money in mywallet. ”
Dad Jokes For Adults
I order my wife she should cover her fault .She gave me a hug .
My boss asked me why I solely have sick on weekdays .I tell him it ’ s my weekend immune system .
Why act the married couple live to the gym together ?Because they wanted to solve out their matter .
What ’ s the difference between a fresh husband and a new dog ?After a year , the dog is even so excited to find you .
Why did the banker switch career ?He lost interest .
I employ to play piano by ear .But today I use my hand .
My therapist says I ’ m addicted to social media .I put on ’ t like his position .
Why do the coffee file a police paper ?It got mugged .
What make the wine say to the bottle opener ?“ You finish me . ”
I ’ 1000 reading a Bible about anti-gravity .It ’ s impossible to put down .
Why did the scarecrow win an award ?Because he was prominent in his sphere .
I told my boss I require a raise because I have three companies after me .He require who , and I said the gas , electric , and cable company .
Why was the math record sad ?Because it own too many trouble .
I used to think I equal indecisive .Now I ’ m not so certain .
Why don ’ t oysters donate to charity ?Because they ’ re shellfish .
I tried to start a professional skin and seek squad .But it didn ’ t study away . Good actor cost hard to find .
I stay up all dark inquire where the sun went .Then it dawned on me .
Why do chicken coops only get two doors ?Because if they own four , they ’ 500 be chicken sedans .
My wife suppose I should cause lunges to stay in frame .That would be a large pace ahead .
Why cause cows have hooves instead of foot ?Because they lactose .
I bought some place from a drug dealer .I put on ’ t know what he laced them with , but I was tripping all day .
What did one hat say to the early ?“ You remain here , I ’ ll live on ahead . ”
Why cause the invisible human turn down the task offer ?He couldn ’ t see himself perform it .
How act a penguin build its house ?Igloos it together .
I ’ m show a horror story in Braille .Something bad cost become to happen , I can feel it .
Why did the skeleton not go to the party ?He had no body to move with .
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of trouser ?In event he got a hole in one .
Knock Knock Jokes For Adults
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Yacht .
Yacht who ?
Yacht to know by now , I ’ m not great at these joke !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Needle .
Needle who ?
Needle little help opening this door !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Cow tell .
Cow suppose who ?
No silly , cow says mooooo !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Cash .
Cash who ?
No thanks , but I ’ d enjoy some peanuts !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Olive .
Olive who ?
Olive you and I neglect you !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Amish .
Amish who ?
Really ? You put on ’ t look like a shoe !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Honeydew .
Honeydew who ?
Honeydew you know how to set this matter ?
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Boo .
Boo who ?
Don ’ t cry , it ’ s exactly a gag !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Cook .
Cook who ?
Cook-a-doodle-doo !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Canoe .
Canoe who ?
Canoe help me with my homework ?
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Harry .
Harry who ?
Harry up and answer the doorway !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Howard .
Howard who ?
Howard you care a large hug ?
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Doughnut .
Doughnut who ?
Doughnut forget to take the snacks !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Nana .
Nana who ?
Nana your business !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Alpaca .
Alpaca who ?
Alpaca the suitcase , you load the car !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Tank .
Tank who ?
You ’ re welcome !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Beets .
Beets who ?
Beets me !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Candice .
Candice who ?
Candice doorway clear , or what ?
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Etch .
Etch who ?
Etch you glad I came by ?
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Lettuce .
Lettuce who ?
Lettuce in , it ’ s freeze out here !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Butter .
Butter who ?
Butter spread the doorway , it ’ s me !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Dish .
Dishes who ?
Serve a nice place you make hither !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Wooden shoe .
Wooden shoe who ?
Wooden shoe like to know !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Leash .
Three who ?
Leash you can make is allow me in !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Wire .
Wire who ?
Wire you knocking on my door ?
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Mustache .
Mustache who ?
I mustache you a question !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s thither ?
Figs .
Figs who ?
Figs the doorbell , it ’ s broken !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Robin .
Robin who ?
Robin you , today hand over the cash !
Knock , knock .
Who ’ s there ?
Annie .
Annie who ?
Annie thing you can cause , I can act good !
Flirty Jokes For Adults
Are you a magician ?Because whenever I face at you , everyone else disappear .
Do you hold a name , or can I call you mine ?Because I ’ ve been explore for something that fits exactly right .
Cost your name Google ?Because you have everything I ’ ve cost searching for .
Are you a campfire ?Because you ’ re hot and I want s ’ more .
If you were a vegetable , you ’ d be a cute-cumber .And if you cost a fruit , you ’ d be a fine-apple .
Do you get a map ?I just observe come lose in your eyes .
If spirit could kill ,you ’ d be a weapon of mass seduction .
Make you have a Band-Aid ?Because I just scraped my knee fall for you .
Are you a loan from a bank ?Because you ’ ve become my interest !
Are you do of cop and tellurium ?Because you ’ re Cu-Te .
Exist your name Waldo ?Because person like you is severe to get .
Are you Australian ?Because when I appear at you , I find down under .
Serve you trust in love at first sight , or should I walk by again ?Because I ’ m willing to bring a second lap .
Are you a snowstorm ?Because you ’ ve simply made my heart freeze .
Are you a park tag ?Because you ’ ve got FINE written all over you .
If you make up a dessert ,you ’ d live a fineapple upside-down cake .
Is your final epithet Campbell ?Because you ’ re mmm mmm well !
Can you remove me to the physician ?Because I merely disclose my branch falling for you .
If kiss were snowflakes ,I ’ d send you a blizzard .
Is your name Lightning ?Because my middle races every time I regard you .
Dark Jokes For Adults
I say my wife she should cover her mistake .She gave me a hug .
People say dear cost the good feeling , but I think notice a toilet when you have diarrhea live well .
I receive a fear of velocity bumps .But I ’ m slowly getting over it .
My grandfather hold the center of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo .
I have an EpiPen .My friend gave it to me as he was fail . It seemed very important to him that I own it .
What ’ s the dispute between a hipster and a package of sticks ?One ’ s a fag , and the early ’ s a drag .
My therapist said time heals all wounds .Hence I stabbed him . Now we await .
I purchase my friend an elephant for their room .They said , “ Thanks. ” I said , “ Don ’ t mention it . ”
I hold a concern of elevator .But I ’ 1000 require measure to avoid it .
Why did the chicken join a circle ?Because it own the drumsticks .
I have a concern of needles .But I ’ 1000 slowly become the point .
Why did the scarecrow get advance ?Because he be prominent in his field .
I get a phobia of over-engineered buildings .It ’ s a complex composite complex .
My friend need me if I require to hear a dark gag .I said , “ Make it need dead baby ? ” He say , “ No. ” I say , “ Then what ’ s the point ? ”
I told my wife she should cover her error .She hold me a hug .
I have a fear of velocity bulge .But I ’ 1000 slowly getting over it .
Why don ’ t cannibals use up clowns ?Because they sample funny .
I have a fear of needles .But I ’ 1000 slowly make the point .
Why make the chicken join a band ?Because it had the drumsticks .
I have a fear of over-engineered building .It ’ s a complex composite composite .
My friend asked me if I need to hear a sullen joke .I replied back tell that it can not be dark than my future .
I purchase my friend an elephant for their room .They said , “ Thanks. ” I suppose , “ Don ’ t reference it . ”
I have a fear of elevator .But I ’ m taking steps to avert it .
Why don ’ t scientist believe atoms ?Because they build up everything .
I receive a phobia of over-engineered buildings .It ’ s a complex complex composite .
What ’ s the difference between a hipster and a bundle of stick ?One ’ s a fag , and the other ’ s a drag .
My therapist said time heals all wounds .So I poke him . Now we await .
I have an EpiPen .My friend gave it to me as he was dying . It seemed very crucial to him that I own it .
Clean Jokes For Adults ( Family-Friendly )
Why did the employee bring a ladder to work ?Because they heard the chore had excellent career growing opportunities !
How do you keep a workplace conversation going ?Ask someone about their email inbox .
Why don ’ t scientist trust atom in the office ?Because they make up everything , include excuses !
Why did the pair die to therapy ?Because even their argument had commitment subject !
What did one coffee say to another on a date ?“ You mocha me crazy ! ”
How serve you specify a romantic evening ?A candlelit dinner… with WiFi and a serious display on Netflix .
Why act the smartphone move to therapy ?It couldn ’ t stop overthinking notifications .
How do robots flirt online ?They send each other “ byte-sized ” honey bill .
Why did the computer break up with the internet ?There live no association .
What ’ s the best affair about getting elderly ?You get to blame all your mistakes on memory loss !
Why act elder get all the discounts ?Because wisdom doesn ’ t come cheap , but they cause appreciate a well bargain .
How do you know you ’ re middle-aged ?When your back goes out more much than you do .
Why do the grape stop in the center of the road ?Because it range out of juice !
How serve you begin over a breakup ?With a pint of ice cream and a spoon for emotional support .
Why did the tomato number red ?Because it find the salad dressing !
Why don ’ t scientist trust fitness trainers ?They ever find their advice hard to ‘ digest . ’
How does a ghost stay in frame ?By exorcising regularly !
Why did the yoga instructor make kicked out of class ?For bending the rules also much !
Why cause the vacationer bring a pencil to the beach ?To draw in the sand and erase their headache .
How do you know you ’ re at a fancy hotel ?When even the sheets hold a turn-down service .
Why did the airplane break up with the helicopter ?It be tired of all the hovering !
Why cost the dollar bill ever calm ?Because it know how to do cents of every situation !
What serve you predict a wallet that ’ s empty ?An invisible savings bill .
Why don ’ t secrets do good investments ?They receive a high risk of exposure .
Why do the cat sit on the computer ?To keep an eye on the mouse !
Why do dog extend in circles ?Because it ’ s easy than running in squares !
Why don ’ t alienate visit Earth ?They heard it ’ s entire of man with foreign habits !
Why cost the film theatre ever pause ?Because it couldn ’ t halt spending all its reels .
How act you know the concert cost a hit ?When the hearing couldn ’ t stop going “ encore ” !
