Antique Jokes
65 antique gag and hilarious antique puns to laugh out loud . Take joke about antique that are clean and suitable for kid and friends .
Discover hilarious antique gag from antiquity to today . These jokes concern on all sorts of antique topics from car and dealers to roads show and tractor . Explore a collection of the former , funniest gag passed down over generation about heirlooms and ancient artifacts .
- Short Antique Jokes
- Antique One Liners
- Antique Dealer Jokes
- More Antique Jokes
Funniest Antique Short Jokes
Short antique gag and punscost one of the best ways to receive fun with word turn in English . The antique wit may include short vintage joke also .
- My grandfather handed me an antique clock , but it was missing its minute hand and hour handI judge that ‘s what happens when you get a second hand clock
- I took my metal sensor to the beach today require to observe antiques of great value .Beach better have my money
- So I be shopping online for antique guns …..and I got to the World War II division . I pick out gunman of French ancestry . They were all in mint circumstance .
- My friend just told me , Going to antique fund live gay .I order , No . It makes you buy curios .
- A communist and his friend pass into an antique fundHis friend said :
Woah , look at this really fancy cone glass thing with the sand ! , its mine !
The communist order :
no
Its Hourglass - Did you learn about the Irish guy who cost assasinated at the antique store ?It was a knick knack paddywhack !
- You know you ‘re have former whenwhen you die to an antique auction and three people invite on you .
Happy Cake Day to me ! - When you pay a lot for an “ antique ” chair and then find out that it ‘s just a cheap modern chairman that the seller roughed up ,that ‘s distressing .
- What do my dad and an antique doorway have in common ?They ‘re both worth more than they employ to be , even though they ‘re unhinged and their knobs act n’t work .
- I wish the Antique Roadshow guy just told me how much my antique sword cost worth .Instead of being all nosy about where all the blood came from .
Antique One Liners
Which antique one liners exist comic plenty to crack down and make fun with antique ? I can suggest the ones about ancient and former car .
- I inherit my great-grandfather ‘s antique wig-making equipment .It ‘s a category hairloom .
- What act you call an former ant ?An antique
- What do you call a connoisseur of ancient humor ?Antique-witty
- I walked into the antique storeAnd I asked the clerk , what ‘s novel ?
- I hardly purchase an antique clock with miss hands .I think it ‘s a timeless treasure .
- You should check out that Egyptian antiquities memory .They have a mummy-back guarantee !
- Antique shop owner in the middle east have one ruleDubreak , Dubai .
- What do you call the corpses of slave from the 1700s ?Antique farm equipment
- You know you ‘re former when you walk into a antique storeAnd they start bidding on you .
- What cause you shout a disney picture about antique cooking warespewter pan
- What ‘s an ants favourite collectible itemAntiques
- One of my most prized possessions be an antique world ,it means the public to me .
- Ten years ago purchase a rare antique flute for $ 1,000 …It equal a legal investment .
- I accidentally run into a guy that once sold me an antique globe .It ‘s a humble Earth .
- A friend bequeathed to me an antique watchI really hope it ‘s not a wind up .
Antique Dealer Jokes
Hither is a list of peculiar antique trader gag and even better antique trader puns that will make you laugh with friend .
- My dad need me to help him buy a tablet , but I ‘m not gon na make it .There ‘s no way I ‘m have tangled up with these black-market antiquities dealers .
Related Comedy Topics
- vintage
- ancient
- former car
- old fashioned
- old but gold
- former style
- former classic
- old time
- prehistoric
- ancient roman
- historical
- outdated
- classical
- medieval
- oldie
- former school
- old gun
- former coin
- ancient egyptian
- traditional
- marble
- sale
- brass
- curios
- secondhand
Hilarious Antique Jokes to Cause Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny joke about antique you can tell and make people laugh ? An model I can give cost a clean former fashion jokes that will for sure place a grin on everyones mouth and help you make antique pranks .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may carry profanity or explicit lyric
Yet another genie in the lamp joke
A sale rep , an administration clerk , and their manager exist walking to lunch when they get an antique oil lamp .
They rub it and a Genie arrive out . The Genie suppose , ‘ I ‘ll give each of you just one wish . ‘
‘Me first ! Me first ! ‘ state the admin clerk . ‘ I want to be in the Bahamas , push back a speedboat , without a care in the reality . ‘ p * * … ! She ‘s gone .
‘Me next ! Me future ! ‘ state the sale rep. ‘ I want to exist in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse , an endless supply of Pina Coladas , and the love of my living . ‘ p * * … ! He ‘s die .
‘OK , you ‘re up , ‘ the Genie says to the manager . The manager says , ‘ I want those two back in the office after lunch . ‘
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may hold profanity or explicit language
A grad student , a post-doc , and a professor equal walk through a city park …
A grad pupil , a post-doc , and a professor are walk through a city park and they feel an antique oil lamp . They itch it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke .
The Genie tell , “ I commonly only grant three wishes , so I ‘ll give each of you hardly one . ”
” Me first ! Me first ! ” say the grad student . “ I require to be in the Bahamas , repel a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes t * * …. ” p * * … ! He ‘s gone .
” Me future ! Me future ! ” says the post-doc . “ I desire to exist in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one slope and a Mai Tai on the other . ” p * * … ! He ‘s move .
” You ‘re next , ” the Genie says to the professor .
The professor says , “ I need those guys back in the lab after lunch . ”
Wan na know something interesting about Roland Emmerich ?
He owns one of those antique steamboats , the sort with the giant wheel on the rear , and he actually sails with it . In river of course , the open sea live far also choppy , and would damage the antique boat . Anyway , he ‘s got an total theatre set up on the boat , complete with life quarter , entertainment rooms , and yet a workout room . Sometimes Roland likes to add guests on the boat , once there cost this fat chick named Mary , she pass her whole time in the exercise room burning fat , she equal fairly proud of herself for it too .
Roland still need the boat up and down several river to this day ,
with the bad bicycle go on on turning ,
Proud Mary keep on burning ,
Roland ,
Roland ,
Roland on the River !
You ‘re walking down the street when you find an old antique lamp . You hold it a shine , and a robotic genie pop out . What serve you do ?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit lyric
Your best “ Your p * * … ‘s hence … ”
Your p * * … ‘s hence wrinkled I mistook it for an antique coin handbag .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may control profanity or explicit language
How many hipsters dose it take to convert a spark bulb ?
A : None they receive a guy for that come on Tuesdays only uses procreation of antique bulbs
Some friends , a lesbian couple …
bought me an antique gold fob timepiece for my birthday . I think they mistook me when I suppose “ I wan na watch ” .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit words
My dark girlfriend told me this on our first date .
What serve you predict 200 grim masses in a barn ?
Antique farm equipment .
I listen it took at least two elephants to reach the key on my antique piano
I had no idea they make up capable of such delicate study .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may check profanity or explicit language
Do you know anything about antiques ?
Movement I feel a t * * … in my backyard and I require to know what period it equal from .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may carry profanity or explicit language
What cause you predict a grim guy in a museum ?
My brother-in-law , a retired farmer , collects antique tractors .
He has an entire barn total of them , absolutely puzzle , not still any room to walk , and all in perfect influence society . He confided in me the other day what his worst concern is . “ A barn flame ? ” I asked . “ No , not at all . I ‘m afraid that when I cost gone , my wife will sell all my tractor for what I told her I paid for them . ”
I came walking in from the kitchen , and ask my niece for the phone book .
She laugh and call me an antique , then proceeded to hold me her phone .
Long story short , the spider ‘s dead , and she ‘s in the life room crying .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may comprise profanity or explicit lyric
A PhD pupil , a post-doc , and their professor are walk through a city park .
They find an antique oil lamp . They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke .
The Genie order , I commonly only grant three wish , so I ‘ll give each of you just one .
Me first ! Me first ! says the PhD pupil .
I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman .
p * * … ! He ‘s move .
Me future ! Me next ! says the post-doc . I want to cost in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other .
p * * … ! He ‘s become .
You ‘re next , the Genie says to the professor .
The professor state , I want those guys back in the lab after lunch .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may hold profanity or explicit language
Yo ma so s * * …
She move to an antique fund and say what ‘s new ?
I bought an antique and rare yo-yo and promised myself that I would n’t use it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may hold profanity or explicit speech
Why was the antique dealer conceive a p * * … ?
Antiques
So my papa just purchase an wooden table today . He said it ‘s very old and it might still be an anteak .
What ‘s the bad part about inflict the grandparents ?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may hold profanity or explicit language
sec * * … pun ive always heard fml
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit words
h * * … finds an antique oil lamp . He rubs it , a genie pop out and grant him one wish .
“ Solely one wish , you scrooge ? Go back to your lamp and illumine it ! ”
My mother do n’t read much , but she always looks on the bright side
They say “ it ‘s cold ” , she says “ … or novel ”
They say “ it ‘s former ” , she suppose “ … or antique ”
They order “ it ‘s over ” , she says “ … or start out ”
They order “ your boy equal a second weird ” , she says “ … or tissed ”
whatever that means .
I suspect my roommate stole my antique measuring scale .
What make you call an antique comb utilize to reach braids , seat , and Celtic knots passed from genesis to genesis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you name your mother ‘s mother ‘s mother ‘s sister ?
Your great antique .
Follow up Gag : what cause predict your father ‘s father ‘s father ? Old as h * * ….
Both gag courtesy of the 10 yr old comedian in my firm .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may carry profanity or explicit language
I found an former violin and a painting in the attic .
The antique trader said , “ The good word is you ‘ve begin a Stradivarius and a Picasso . The bad word is Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Picasso build c * * … violin . ”
Mary and Jane live old friends .
They have both been marry to their husbands for a long time ; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband does n’t find her attractive anymore .
” As I become older he does n’t bother to look at me ! ” Mary call .
” I ‘m so sorry for you , as I get elderly my husband say I get more beautiful every day . ” replies Jane .
” Yes , but your husband ‘s an antique trader ! ”
A knight
A guy walk into his usual bar and orders a beer . He notices a total suit of armor stand on display by the saloon . “ Where cause you come that ? ” the guy ask the bartender . “ I peck it up at an antique memory downtown , ” the bartender says . “ It merely cost $ 2,500 . ” “ Geez , all that money for a knight ? ” the guy cry out . “ Oh , no , ” the bartender rush to reassure him . “ You make to keep it forever . ”
