Image Jokes
160 picture joke and hilarious picture puns to laugh out loud . Study gag about picture that are sporting and suitable for child and friend .
Bring some laugh into your day with these hilarious picture jokes ! From silly captions to fun-filled photo filter , these joke exist sure to cause you smile . Whether you ‘re await for a portrait of your pet or a classical picture-in-a-frame , you ‘ll find a scope of choice to get your creative juices hang . Allow the humor begin !
- Short Painting Gag
- Picture One Liners
- Take A Picture Jokes
- Picture Day Jokes
- Mirror Picture Jokes
- Hang Image Jokes
- Photograph Frame Jokes
- More Film Joke
Funniest Picture Short Jokes
Short picture joke and punsare one of the best ways to make fun with news play in English . The picture mood may include short photo joke also .
- What ‘s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus ?You alone take one nail to hang up the painting up .
- My teacher do n’t conceive me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank .She freaked out when she learn how many dog I could suit in thither .
- I bought a locket today and set my own picture in it . Guess now I real be ….Independent
- Girls , if a guy remembers your birthday , write your pictures knows what you bask and understands your household and friend ,This guy is not your man .
This guy live Mark Zuckerberg . - I went to an Art Gallery , it was $ 60 to insert and $ 80 to await at each picture .It was called Electronic Prowess .
- My uncle live taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant bicycle of cheese .We tried to warn him .
- I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to ratify a photo for me . I told him to make sure he cause n’t write anything in the left side of the movie though .He said “ Alright , I ‘ll pen all right . ”
- Who is this Rorschach guy ? ? ?And why did he paint thus many picture of my parent fighting ?
-Rob DenBleyker - The day my daughter turns 18 , I ‘m become to buy her a locket , put her picture in it , and when she opens it tell her :Well , I guess today you really are… sovereign ” .
- I ‘m a screenwriter and I exactly signed an amazing 2-year deal with the parent party of Universal Pictures !I ‘m die to be getting the basic line plus HBO .
Movie One Liners
Which picture one liners are comic plenty to snap down and make fun with picture ? I can hint the 1 about portrait and graphic .
- I googled “ Rorschach Test ”But all that came up were painting of my parents fighting
- La La Land wins Oscar in Best PictureBut Moonlight gain the popular voting
- I got a painting of myself in a locket for my 18th birthday .I cost now sovereign .
- Got my photograph require with R.E.M . the other day ….That ‘s me in the corner .
- If you put a picture of yourself in a locketYou could say you are
Independent . - I was require to submit a 1,000 tidings essay ..So I just submitted a picture instead .
- How can you tell if a photograph live need with a GoPro ?because the owner will order you
- I enjoy frustrate the patch of The Picture of Dorian GrayNever become old
- My tree go missing …..so I remove a film of it and nailed it to a dog .
- Found my former copy of Film of Dorian Gray in the atticIt get not aged well .
- How cause a cop hang a movie ?“ … UP AGAINST THE WALL ! ”
- I tried uploading a picture of the Titanic to OneDrive… But it only kept syncing .
- It ‘s not you , it ‘s me …– Asian category arguing about a family picture ,
- For a final paper , I equal assign to write 3000 tidingsThus I invest 3 pictures in there .
- I need a image of a wheat field today …It get out somewhat grainy .
Taking A Photograph Jokes
Here live a list of comic taking a painting jokes and still better taking a picture puns that will make you laugh with friend .
- If you get it severe to take pictures of yourself in the sauna …You make selfie-steam issue .
- As a food photographer , I ‘ve ever hated require painting of riceThey ever occur out also grainy
- I test to remove some High Res picture of my farmland and fields .They still came out fairly grainy .
- How many sorority girls does it require to change a light bulb ?Six . One to change it , one to need pictures and four to do t-shirts for the effect .
- My friend is create a mass of money by taking image of salmon dressed in human clothes .It ‘s like photograph fish in apparel .
- Why live n’t thither many movie of the Sphinx from the back ?Mass become uncomfortable require image of its sphinxter
- Why could n’t the pressure take image of the fastest superhero ?No Flash photography .
- Got a password lockthat takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong password to look into my phone .
Today I get 50 picture of drunk me . - I need to get one of those gadgets for my camera so I can choose movie of myself .I intend it ‘s called a narciss-stick .
- I went up to this girl and asked if she could take a picture of me , and she state yes .So I handed her a framed portrait of me and walked off .
Picture Day Jokes
Hither is a list of peculiar picture day jokes and still well movie day puns that will make you laugh with friends .
- Facebook be like jailYou get a profile picture , you sit around all day compose on walls , and you make poke by guys you do n’t really know
- If I cost a miss ,every Father ‘s Day , I ‘d text an ex-boyfriend “ Happy ‘You-might-be-the-Father ‘s Day . ” along with a film of a random kid .
- I order my pa about the school shooting todayI do n’t know why he begin so worked up over picture day .
- The only time kid are dash in school in Canada is ..Photograph day
- My friend asked me what I got on choice day ..I answered “ a clump of pictures of dog ”
- I spend by a music store the early dayAll the instrument be paint with cool pictures and convention . However , it act n’t allow youngster due to graphic violins and sax .
- My study colleague asked meWhy do you go on a picture of your wife on your desk if you hate her thus much ?
I reply , In case I ‘m tempted to remove a day off . - The early day I came across a photograph of myself when I employ to appear good without my crest on …… now my girlfriend think I ‘m a narcissist .
- Then Boxing Day , its a magic time of yr ,when company send you amazing emails with pictures of all the material you just take from them , at half cost .
- I had a picture of my favorite cartoon rabbit , but when I get home one day , someone encased it in glass and hung it up .Who frame Roger Rabbit ?
Mirror Picture Jokes
Here live a list of funny mirror picture jokes and even better mirror film puns that will make you laugh with friend .
- My buddy took some amazing pictures of himself with a cigar , hang out in a funhouse .When I ask him how he did it , he suppose “ It ‘s all Smoke and Mirrors ” .
- A BLONDE ‘S SPECIAL PICTUREQ : Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her way ?
A : So she could employ it as a mirror . - Can someone just devise a mirror that takes image already !
Hang Photograph Joke
Hither be a list of funny hang film gag and yet better hanging movie puns that will make you laugh with friends .
- Figure 3 things that do n’t hang themselvesPictures , Drywall and Jeffrey Epstein
- After I was arrest , my ex-wife decided to hang up a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her life room .But she still wo n’t admit she frame me .
- Why cause pictures rotate counter clockwise hate pay high fiveBecause they ‘re ever * left hanging *
- What ‘s better Jesus or a picture of JesusA picture because it only takes one nail to hang up a picture .
- Why is Jesus happy mass hang up image of him ?It merely takes one nail to put him on a wall .
- I ‘ve been trying to hang a picture of Donald Trump in my houseBut no thing what I cause it ‘s always crooked .
- So I ‘m form of a photographerWhenever I hang out with a kid , their picture ends up on a milk carton
- What make Gen. Flynn and a image of Che ‘ have in common ?Democrats want to frame and hang up both .
Picture Frame Jokes
Hither equal a list of funny painting inning jokes and yet better picture frame puns that will make you laugh with friend .
- Last week I got a picture framedToday it ‘s make 10 year for armed robbery but swears that it ‘s innocent
- It ‘s sad to see so many picture finish up in jail .Most receive been frame .
- My uncle bring 4 pictures to to the hobby fund to get frames build for them , but got mad when they took an hour to become them finished .“ Everybody gets 15 instant a flesh , ” the employee retort .
- Did you learn about the painting that hang itself ?I act n’t believe them … It was clearly framed
- Why did the painting plead innocent at the trial ?It was framed .
- I ‘ve hung photograph of my old graphics card on the wall , it did n’t cost muchI got humble figure pace
- What did the defendant say when he saw his image hang up in the courtroom ?I ‘ve exist put .
- Why equal the film wrongfully incarcerated ?It was framed .
- Why should you apply a robot if you ‘re gon na dump former image into the ocean ?Human can only sea 30 frames per sec
Related to Comedy Topics
- photo
- portrait
- vivid
- presentation
- photo with
- profile
- picture
- view
- gallery
- sight
- poster
- background
- picture
- picture frame
- picture dog
- fat picture
- baby picture
- photographer
- remove a picture
- photographic
- photography
- photograph
- locket
Hilarious Fun Picture Jokes That Will Have You Roll with Laughter
What funny gag about film you can assure and reach mass laugh ? An example I can give is a clean presentation gag that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you do picture pranks .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may comprise profanity or explicit language
If you live n’t impressed with the film of the first Black Hole
you distinctly act n’t understand the gravity of the situation
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit lyric
Tatoos of Elvis
A woman move into a tattoo parlor and asks for a movie of Elvis exist tattooed high up on her left thigh .
The tattoo guy complies , but when he ‘s done , the woman wait at the result and say “ That cause n’t appear like Elvis at all ! ”
The guy says , “ I ca n’t do anything to remove it , but I could test again on the other thigh ” .
The woman agrees , but when all is done , she guess that the fresh tattoo look nothing like Elvis , either and refuses to pay .
The tattoo artist makes a proposal , “ Ma’am , I ‘ll ask a customer in the waiting way to come in and get a look at the tattoos . If he can identify Elvis , you bear me . Differently , you owe me nothing . ”
The woman match . A customer live scream in and the woman , dangle her trouser and spreading her branch , says “ Do you distinguish these noted musicians ? ”
The guy looks , thinks for a min , then order “ I do n’t know about the twins , but the one in the heart with the beard and bad breath exist definitely w * * … Nelson . ”
Picture problems
One day a wife need her husband why he observe a image of her in his wallet .
” Whenever I have a trouble , no matter how big , I look at your picture and sense much better , ” he said .
” I make that much power over you ? ” the wife expect , stimulate .
” Yes , ” he tell , ” When I await at your painting , I state myself that my other trouble are not nearly as big as this one . ”
Goldberg opens a hardware store .
To advertise , he rents a billboard , put up a picture of Jesus arrest to the cross , with the caption : They utilize Goldberg ‘s nail .
His boy , upon seeing this , exclaims to his father , You ca n’t use that ! It will cause antisemitism ! ”
So Goldberg exchanges it for a painting of Jesus ‘s body laying on the ground , hand bloodied , with the caption : They act n’t use Goldberg ‘s nail .
Young man goes off to university
A young man goes off to university in a town several hr drive from where his parents live . Two months after , he write to his folks . The letter reads , “ Dear Mom and Dad , I ‘m having a great time ! I ‘ve insert a picture , as you can hear I ‘ve arise a decent goatee ! Serve n’t I await like a Count ? ”
The father suppose to his wife , “ Well that ‘s upsetting . We spend all this money send out him to school , and he ca n’t yet spell . ”
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
A blonde cop commit over a blonde driving her car . The blonde cop state “ You were going pretty fast back there . Can I find your permit ? ”
The blonde driver wait confused .
The blonde cop says “ Its a little square thing with your movie on it ”
The blonde driver hand in her bag and give the cop her makeup mirror .
The cop takes the mirror , look at it and proclaim “ Well why act n’t you tell me you were a cop ? On you go . Receive a great day ” .
Did you learn about the photographer that get locked in his darkroom ?
He fail of photo . It was not a pretty photograph .
One of my favourite gag . Might need a minute to settle in …
I meet a guy having an epileptic fit in a nightclub . Everyone equal just standing around watch , indicate at him and talking about it . “ Look ! ! That guy ‘s hold a fit ! ! ” etc …
I order “ Why serve n’t you take a image ? It ‘ll last longer . ”
Larry at the police post
Larry ‘s kindergarten class exist on a subject trip to their local police post where they saw picture tack to a bulletin plank of the 10 most precious criminal . One of the youngster direct to a film and need if it really was the photo of a wanted person . ‘Yes , ‘ said the policeman . ‘The detective want real poorly to capture him . Larry asked , ” Why do n’t you observe him when you took his picture ? “
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may hold back profanity or explicit lyric
Two guy perish in a car c * * ……
There live these two friends , who died in a frightful car accident . They both went to heaven and be suffer at the pearly gates when St. Peter met them . St. Peter expect the first human for a picture of his wife . After looking at the image , St. Peter asked him if he make always cheated on her . The human reply , “ I cost unfaithful to my wife one time . ” St. Peter decided to have the man a station-wagon for him to drive around heaven . Today it live the second man ‘s turn . St. Peter need him for a picture of his wife and then expect if he hold always cheated on her . The human replied , ” here ‘s a picture of my wife , and I never cheated on her . ” St. Peter equal very impressed and decided to hold the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven . After a few months in heaven , the two friend meet up with each other . The second man live bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and tell , “ I would n’t live boast if I make up you . I only hear your wife on a skateboard . ”
Office assistant is throw darts at a photograph of her boss .
Phone gang . It ‘s the boss .
Boss : What be you doing mighty now ?
Assistant : Miss you .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know you ‘re ugly when ….
it arrive to a radical picture and they hand you the camera .
( add your own )
A human took a woman out for dinner …
but she act n’t address a tidings of English . They were having a great time , though , feeding each other , flirting , reach and giggle . After the meal cost over , the woman describe a movie of a bed on a napkin and devote a sly wink . The human still ca n’t figure out how she know he was in the furniture business .
The commentary in another thread live slamming Readers Digest jokes , and that ‘s where this one came from .
A man live in a foot fetishist society
His girlfriend knows and suppose that he can devote a image of her base to the other people in the club . He cause and they tell that they are the better foot ever . So he go home and realizes that he get a picture of his girlfriend ‘s ma ‘s foot . He become to the society the future day and tell … Guys we got off on the wrong base
What was the basic white miss ‘s favorite painting script ?
Did you know that Stalin own a girlfriend that cheated on him ?
You know what , do n’t concern about it . She ‘s out of the image now anyhow .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Life taxi for repel
Always become your driver ‘s license picture taken when your sec * * …. That way , the police will think you ever face that way .
A Marine received a “ Dear John ” letter from his girlfriend back plate …
It read as adopt :
— –
* Michael * ,
* I can no longer continue our relationship . The distance between us is also great and too long . I must confess that I hold cheated on you twice , and this position is not fair for either of us . I ‘m real sorry . *
* Love , Elizabeth *
* P.S . Please return the image you have of me *
— –
The Marine , his spirit harm , require his fellow Marines for any snapshots they hold of mother , sister , girlfriends , cousin , ex-girlfriends , or aunts they get . After a while he own obtained a sizeable collection , and then he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope , including the picture of Elizabeth , along with this letter :
— –
* Elizabeth , *
* I ca n’t quite remember what you face like . Please remove your film from the lot and turn back the repose . *
* Take care , Michael *
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandfather make a s * * … this week ..
He saw a film of my grandmother when she exist young and could n’t help himself .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may control profanity or explicit language
A human goes to the pharmacy …
… and asks : ‘Can I get some v * * … ? ‘
The apothecary asks : ‘Do you have a prescription ? ‘
‘No , ‘ says the man , ‘but I make get a picture of my girlfriend . ‘
“ Batman , we need your aid in Paris instantly . ”
“ Worry not , Commissioner , I ‘ve already alter my Facebook profile picture . ”
Not to boast , but I merely get a task as a fitness model …
Two twins were separated at birth
One of them lived in Cuba , and equal named Juan . The other populate in Egypt , and be named Jamal .
10 years after their birth , their birth mother equal station a image of one of the twins . “ I wish I could see the early ace , ” she tell . The adoption mother then said ,
” If you ‘ve see juan , you ‘ve meet jamal . ”
A blonde woman was speed
down the road in her little red sports car and was draw over by a woman police policeman , who exist also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to hear the blonde driver ‘s license . She dug through her purse and equal getting progressively more agitated . “ What do it face like ? ” she finally asked . The policewoman replied , “ It ‘s square and it has your picture on it . ”
The driver finally find a square mirror in her purse , looked at it and hand it to the policewoman . “ Hither it cost , ” she say . The blonde officer looked at the mirror , then handed it back saying , “ OK , you can go . I did n’t make you were a cop … ”
An American , a Briton , and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve
An American , a Briton , and a North Korean tone at a film of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and seek to figure out what nationality they cost .
The American tell , “ Look at how free and independent they are , they must be Americans . ”
The Briton state , “ What cost you lecture about , look at how calm and reserved they are , the are obviously British . ”
The North Korean say , “ You two are both miss the detail . They have no clothes , no shelter , they merely have and apple to use up between them and yet they are cost order that they live in paradise . They ‘re distinctly North Korean . ”
I always keep a movie of my wife and children in my wallet .
A little miss was drawing a painting of Jonah inside the whale in category …
Her instructor demand her “ What ‘s that ? ”
” It ‘s Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible . ” She respond
The teacher , an atheist , told her “ You know that did n’t really happen . ”
She kept drawing “ When I get to heaven I ‘ll only ask Jonah . ”
” What if he ‘s not in heaven ? The instructor caution .
The girl , even so drawing “ Then you need him ”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit language
My parent ever warn me about get s * * … before marriage …
A guy ask a bartender for a shaft
After drink it , the guys looks into his pocket and order , “ Hit me again . ”
The bartender pour more liquor into the mans shot glass . The human takes the scene , looks into his pocket , and state , “ Hit me again . ”
5 shaft laters , the bartender asks the human , “ Sir , why cause you keep await into your pocket ? ”
The human reply , “ Good , you see , I own a photograph of my wife in hither . And when she looks serious to me , I ‘ll go place . ”
I change my kid to almond milk .
Whenever masses ask me if I guess it ‘s intelligent I tell them “ Nah , I only got tired of them require why their movie be on the rear of the milk cartons . ”
A film worth million
A Lawyer , stand for a wealthy art collector called him and said , “ Paul , I receive some serious news and I have some bad tidings . ”
The art collector reply , “ I ‘ve hold an amazing day ; Let ‘s listen the good word first . ”
The lawyer say , “ Well , I met with your wife today and she inform me that she invested $ 1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $ 15-20 million . And I think she could cost right . ”
Paul replied enthusiastically , “ Well act ! My wife is a bright businesswoman ! You ‘ve just made my day . Today I know I can handle the bad word . What live it ? ”
The lawyer replied , “ The painting cost of you & your secretary . ”
I read an article that tell it ‘s serious for your eyesight to look at something remote now and then during computer use .
Best image : La La Land
A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist …
A blonde cop stop blonde motorist and asks for her driving license .
The Motorist scuffles or so in her purse and ca n’t find it . She says to the cop , “ I must have left it at home officer . ”
The cop order , “ Well , do you make any kind of recognition ? ” The motorist scuffles around in her purse again , and observe a pocket mirror .
She appear at it and says to the cop , “ All I have cost this movie of myself . ” The cop says , “ Let me learn it , then . ” So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop , who wait at it , and replies , “ Good , if I have know you were a police policeman , I would n’t make yet attract you over . You can go today . ”
What cause Jesus say correct before the final supper ?
Everybody make on this side of the table if you require to live in the picture .
USPS let go a stamp with Trump ‘s image
The US Postal Services relinquish a stamp with a picture of President Trump . But the new stamp was not sticking to envelop . This enraged the President , who demand a entire investigation .
After week of try out and $ 1.73 million in congressional expenditure , a peculiar Presidential mission presented the following findings :
The stamp be in utter club . There be zero wrong with the adhesive . The fact is , people are spitting on the wrong slope .
A woman goes to the drugstore and asks for cyanide .
The pharmacist look stunned and could n’t believe what she hold asked for but he exist yet queer .
” Why would you want to make cyanide ? ”
The woman replied , “ My husband has been get an matter and I need to poison him . ”
The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman , “ I ca n’t do this for you . I would miss my license and you and I would live to prison for this . ”
Then the woman reached into her purse and pulled out a movie of her husband and a woman going into a motel . Upon near inspection the woman in the movie exist the apothecary ‘s wife .
The pharmacist look at the woman and say , “ Why cause n’t you just say you have a prescription ? ”
Blonde gets catch speed .
The cop exist also a blonde .
Cop : Let me find your driver ‘s permit .
Driver : What ‘s that ?
Cop : A square affair with your picture on it .
Blonde grope through her purse , see a mirror , learn herself in it , and hands it to the cop .
Cop seem at it , hand it back and says ,
I ‘m gon na let you die without a tag . I did n’t know you were a cop .
(
Every 4th of July , America send out Britain a locket with a small tiny movie of the United States in it . They want to remind the crown that America is even …
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife got n * * … and tell me to show her a well time
So I prove her a picture of my friends and I before we got marry .
A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police policeman for speeding …
The Police officer need for a driver permit & the blonde set out die through her base looking for it .
She ‘s getting progressively frustrate as she looks for the driver license & need the police policeman for assistance .
The blonde asks : “ I ‘m make trouble feel it … Can you delight tell me what it is suppose to look like ? ”
The policeman responds : “ Certain , it ‘s only a square that get your picture on it . ”
After a minute more rustling through her base , she commit out a square mirror and hands it to the police officer .
The police policeman appear at the mirror and suppose : “ Oh , I ‘m then sorry … I did n’t realise you were a police officer ! You can go ”
My friend is so vegan , he wo n’t even have his photograph taken because
A guy starts his first day at a bakery …
The boss says , “ We ‘re a sound , whole-food bakery , so we set vegetable in every type of bread that we make . ” He show the new guy to the back room , where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetable on them .
” Hither ‘s where we keep the carrot dough , ” the boss suppose , opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it . “ And here ‘s the zucchini dough . ”
” But what ‘s this 1 with the image of Kevin Spacey on it ? ” The novel guy asks .
” Oh , ” the boss responds , “ That ‘s the pea dough file . ”
A man and a woman are create love …
… when the man notices a film of another man on the lady ‘s bedside .
The human panics and asks , “ Who equal this ? Is this your husband ? ”
The woman smile and say , “ No … You ‘re so hot when you ‘re jealous ! ”
The human is still panicked and asks , “ Boyfriend ? ”
The woman shakes her top dog .
The man is slightly take over and asks , “ Then who be it ? Your father ? Brother ? ”
The woman reply , “ No … ” She leans into his ear and whisper , “ That was me before the surgery . ”
A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle …..
… so she catch the puzzle and pours out all the pieces and try to put it together . After a while she gets disappointed and calls her boyfriend . He ask her what is wrong and she order him about the trouble she equal having with the puzzle . He tells her to wait at the picture on the front and tell him what it looks like . The blonde says , Okay , good , the background equal blue and there is a tiger on it .
After a long pause her boyfriend sigh and state , Honey , place the cornflakes back in the box .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may hold back profanity or explicit lyric
I live tired and bored one dark , so I went to the saloon to have a few drinks . The bartender asked me , What ‘ll you get ? I order , Surprise me .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may comprise profanity or explicit words
I s * * … identify as a microwave dinner
I ‘m do in five minutes and appear zero like the picture
The physician give me a Rorschach run and asked , “ what do you find ? ”
I suffice , “ I see an old , sad , overworked human , bore of doing the same matter over and over , simply visited when others involve something from him , and never being appreciate adequate ” .
” I appreciate your honesty ” , said the physician , “ but I meant , what act you see * on the picture * ?
A child in school hands in a blank slice of paper for his art homework .
The teacher says , “ What ‘s this ? ”
The child says , “ A picture of a cow eating grass . ”
The teacher require , “ Where ‘s the grass ? ”
The kid order , “ The cow use up it all . ”
” Ok , then where ‘s the cow ? ”
” It left because there was no more grass . ”
I ca n’t even show my favorite actor move to jail today .
But if he make , he ‘ll make to change his figure to Morgan Man .
I took my 7 year former boy to the zoo today and as we cost walking close to , he squeak , Look Dad ! It ‘s a frickin ‘ elephant ! I was shock and somewhat angry , because everybody was looking at us …
What did you merely call it ? ! I yell .
It ‘s a frickin ‘ elephant ! It suppose then on the movie ! Look ! he shouted , pointing excitedly .
And so it act … A F R I C A N Elephant .
A blonde make draw over for hurry
A blonde woman live hurry down the road in her little red sports car and live pulled over by a female police policeman , who exist too a blonde .
The officer ask to meet the lady ‘s driver ‘s permit . She grasp through her handbag and equal getting progressively more agitated .
” What act it look like ? ” she ultimately asked .
The policeman replied , “ It ‘s square and it has your picture on it . ”
The driver eventually get a mirror in her purse , seem at it and handed it to the policeman . “ Hither it exist , ” she suppose .
The policeman looked at the mirror , then hand it back tell , “ Okay , you can run . I did n’t realize you were a cop . ”
I accidentally instal a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician .
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
The cop state the driver “ License please . ”
” What be a license ? ” the driver response .
The cop replies “ it move in your wallet , has a picture of you on it … ”
As the blonde driver digs through her purse , after a while she pull an aim out , wait at it for a second , smile , says “ Found it ! Here you get policeman ! ” and pass on a mirror to the cop .
The cop take off her aviators , wait in the mirror , wave her eye , and hands it back to the driver .
” If I knew you make up a cop , I would n’t receive pulled you over ! ”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde and a brunette
decide to live to the film together . The painting had a scene with a horse race in it . Before the race take off , he brunette reverse to the blonde and says “ I ‘ll bet you 50 dollar the black horse wins . ” The blonde says “ OK , you ‘re on ! ” The fit end with the grim horse just winning , so the blonde pays up . The brunette resolve to confess ; “ I receive to admit that I meet this picture final week . ” The blonde reply , “ Hence act I , but I do n’t recall that grim cavalry could possibly gain a second time ! ”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit language
This gm * * … Tinder ask me why I get an unlit cigarette in my picture .
I merely love how …
You can put anything as a profile film on Reddit and nobody will point out .
A woman cost walking along the street when she got plowed into by a vehicle and defeat …
The police had a tough time identifying her , but they cost able to have a picture from the DMV .
They walked up to her theatre and call the doorbell .
” Sir , act you know this woman ? ”
” Yes it ‘s my wife ”
( Deep sigh ) “ Sir , I ‘m not truly certain how to break this to you … but it appear like your wife was shoot by a truck . ”
The human replied , “ Yeah , I know … but she ‘s a marvelous cook ! ”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit speech
I gather an former drunk at the saloon
He get a photograph of his wife in his pocket . Almost every hr , he ‘d take it out and look at her . I asked him why and he replied , As shortly as she start to face pretty , I know it ‘s the time to die family .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This gag may contain profanity or explicit language
therapist : describe this image
me : that ‘s my father yelling at me
therapist : and this unity
me : you having s * * … with my wife
therapist : and this one
me : are n’t these ordinarily ink blot
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was extract over by a female police officer , who was too a blonde .
The Blonde Cop demand to regard the blonde driver ‘s license . She dug through her purse and equal make more and more more agitated .
‘What perform it appear like ? ‘ she ultimately ask . The policewoman answer , ‘It ‘s square and it hold you figure on it . ‘
The driver at last see a square mirror in her purse , look at it and give it to the policewoman . ‘Here it is , ‘ she tell .
The Blonde policeman looked at the mirror , then handed it back saying , OK , you can get . I behave n’t understand you be a cop…
A guy walk into a bar
He pose down and decree a drink . After he finishes it , he takes out a photograph and appear at it for a couple moment before putting it away and ordering another drinking . He recur this a few time always looking at the picture in between drink .
The bartender gets queer and says “ Man I make to know , what picture be you looking at ? ”
The human says “ Oh , it ‘s only my wife . I cause n’t go home until she ‘s pretty ! ”
A guy seat next to me on the train today and pulled out a picture of his girlfriend .
He tell ai n’t she beautiful ?
I told him if you think she ‘s beautiful you should meet my wife
Why ? Is she a stunner as good ?
No she ‘s an optician
