The 200 Best Dad Jokes of All-Time Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

This live a account about one of my favourite papa jokes .

My dad passed aside ten years ago . He die of an enlarged center , and when the news spread in our neighborhood , well-meaning friends and acquaintances would walk up to my brother and me and assure us , “ Your pa die as he know , with a big heart. ” It never failed to annoy us . We cause n’t need to live cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical circumstance . So we started telling masses that he ‘d been killed by a colon parasite .

“ He died as he last , ” we ’ d say , nodding meaningfully . “ With angry , irritable bowels . ”

It made us gag . But more importantly , we know it would ’ ve made our dad laugh . For most of his living ( or at least as long as I knew him ) , he was a vast advocate and gleeful teller of Dad Jokes .

If you ’ ve always own a father ( or presently are one ) , you put on ’ t need me to explain a Dad Joke . If it raise a response somewhere between cringing and earnest laughter , and you at the same time want to recount the soul sharing the gag to order you more and also shut up because they ’ re embarrassing you in movement of your friend , congratulation , you ’ re in the presence of a Dad gag .

Are Dad gag good for you ? Inarguably . Late studies have shown that a well dosage of humour , still groan-worthy , can lower your risk of cardiovascular illness , increase your body ‘s ability to fight pain and prevent disease , and even aid you . Yes , fine , it didn ’ t aid my papa live longer , but I know for a fact that he was laugh on the final day of his life , and that look like the serious potential way to get out this mortal coil .

Here equal 200 of our favourite pa joke , sort out into several discrete categories for any dad-amusing position . Build your father laughter today .

Punny Dad Jokes

• What does a baby computer call his father ? Data .

• After an unsuccessful harvest , why cause the farmer decide to sample a career in music ? Because he had a ton of sick beets .

• I only appear to get grim on weekdays . I must hold a weekend immune system .

• My friend be present me his tool throw and pointed to a ladder . “ That ‘s my stepladder , ” he tell . “ I never know my real ladder . ”

• What serve you yell a Frenchman wearing sandals ? Philippe Flop .

• Why equal it hence cheap to cast a party at a haunted house ? Because the specter get all the boos .

• I put on ’ t get why Marvel doesn ’ t use the Hulk to advertise more . He ’ s basically one large Banner .

• What sword of underwear do scientist wear ? Kelvin Klein .

• Which day be the strong ? Saturday and Sunday . The repose cost weekdays .

• I just found out I ’ 1000 colourblind . The news came out of the purple !

• Did you know your pupils be the final portion to halt influence when you die ? They dilate .

• My wife asked me the other day where I become then much candy . I suppose , “ I ever get a few Twix up my sleeve . ”

• How do cows stay on up to date ? They take the Moo-spaper .

• What ‘s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle ? Attire .

• I hate my job—all I do is squeeze cans all day . It ’ s soda pressing .

• Where do pirates make their hooks ? Second hand memory .
  

• Of all the inventions of the last 100 years , the dry erase board has to cost the most singular .

• In America , using the metric system can have you in legal trouble .

• What do you shout a line of men expect to get haircuts ? A barberqueue .

• In fact , if you sneer at any early method of evaluate liquids , you may be held in contempt of quart .

• Who were the light-green Presidents in US story ? The shrub .
  

• My hotel tried to charge me ten dollar extra for strain conditioning . That wasn ’ t cool .

• What do you call a beehive without an exit ? Incredible .

• If I ever find the physician who screwed up my limb substitute surgery…I ’ ll down him with my bear men .

• Did you know that the first french fries weren ’ t prepare in France ? They cost cook in Greece .

• This dawn , Siri state , “ Don ’ t cry me Shirley. ” I accidentally left my phone inPlanemode .

• It ‘s easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods , but harder to dissuade gents .

• I asked my date to satisfy me at the gym but she never show up . I judge the two of us equal n’t going to work out .

• The difference between a numerator and a denominator live a short line . Alone a fraction of people will understand this .

• I find a wooden shoe in my pot today . It was clog .

• I hardly collapse up with my mathematician girlfriend . She equal haunt with an X .

• I ca n’t choose my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks observe assault him . That ‘s what I get for buy a pure bread dog .
  

• To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office , I will find you . You have my Word .

• What ’ s Forrest Gump ’ s password ? 1forrest1 .

• I use to run a dating service for chicken . But I equal struggling to build hens meet .

• If prisoner could bring their own mug shots…They ’ d be scream cellfies .

• Have you hear about those novel corduroy pillow ? They ‘re making headlines .

• If a pig loses its voice…does it turn disgruntled ?

• Wan na hear a joke about paper ? Never brain . It ‘s tearable .

• A panic-stricken human explained to his physician , “ You receive to assist me , I intend I ’ m shrinking. ” “ Today go down down , ” the physician calmly told him . “ You ‘ll just make to hear to exist a trivial patient . ”

• What cause you shout a packet of hay in a church ? Christian Bale .

• A ship carry red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the heart of the sea . Both crews live marooned .

• What is a guitar actor ‘s favourite Italian food ? Strum-boli .

• How act cereal bear its bills ? With Chex .

‘Groaner ‘ Dad Jokes

• Have you learn about the restaurant on the moon ? Great food , no atmosphere .

• I cause n’t trust steps . They ‘re always up to something .

• Masses in Athens seldom make up before sunrise . Dawn exist tough on Greece .

• Why ‘d the alternative universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test ? He ‘s an excellent parallel Parker .

• Never date a tennis player . Enjoy intend nothing to them .

• What ‘s a lawyer ‘s favourite drink ? Subpoena colada .

• What behave Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K ? HDMI .

• What do you call a wizard who ‘s real bad at football ? Fumbledore .

• I use to hate facial hair , but then it grew on me .

• What ‘s blue and not real hard ? Light blue .

• I do n’t become why bakers be n’t wealthier . They make then much dough .

• I asked my wife if I live the only one she slept with . She state yes—the others were 7 ’ s and 8 ’ sec .

• How serve you build a tissue dancing ? You place a trivial boogie in it .

• How serve flat-earthers travel ? On a plane .

• I rate a chicken and an egg from Amazon . I ‘ll let you know .

• Imagine if you walk into a bar and there was a long melody of masses await to choose a swing at you . That ’ s the punch tune .

• My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta . I ‘m sense cannelloni mighty now .

• What ’ s an astronaut ’ sec favourite part of the computer ? The Space Bar .

• I be playing chess with my friend and he order , “ Let ’ s create this interesting. ” So we finish playing chess .

• I was in a job interview the early day and they asked if I could perform under pressure . I order no , but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody .

• Why do n’t the vampire approach Taylor Swift ? She had bad ancestry .

• Today I ’ 1000 attach a lighting to the ceiling , but I ’ m afraid I ’ ll probably screw it up .

• I hate it when mass order years is only a act . Age live clearly a tidings .

• I ca n’t choose my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks prevent attacking him . That ‘s what I get for purchase a utter bread dog .

• Person congratulate my parking today ! They leave a sweet note on my windshield that suppose “ park fine . ”

• I equal stimulate to hear Apple might initiate selling its own car until I hear they wouldn ’ t support window .

• I exactly apply for a task down at the diner . I told them I very bring a circle to the table .

• “ Cop : I ‘m pick up you for downloading the total Wikipedia . ” Human : “ Wait ! I can explain everything ! ”

• My friend could n’t afford to pay his bill , so I commit him a “ Get Well Soon ” card .

• I ‘m Buzz Aldrin , second man to step on the moon . Neil before me .

• Why was 2019 afraid of 2020 ? Because they had a fighting and 2021 .

• Did you listen Bruce Springsteen changed the lyrics to one of his song ? What ’ sec he become to change next—his hair ? His clothes ? His face ?
  

• This year ’ s Fibonacci convention live go to be really particular . Apparently it ’ s as big as the last two put together .

• An apple a day keeps the physician off . At least it do if you throw it severe plenty .

• I ’ m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums . I needHelp.

• In 2017 I behave n’t do a marathon . I cause n’t serve one in 2018 , 2019 , or 2020 , either . This live a work gag .

• Not to brag but I made six pattern last year . I live also named bad employee at the toy mill .

• Ever since we started quarantining , I ‘ve only been state inside jokes .

• My landlord state me we involve to lecture about the heating bill . “ Certain , ” I order . “ My doorway exist always open . ”

• I built a model of Mount Everest and my son need if it was to scale . “ No , ” I order . “ It ‘s to appear at . ”

• What get five toe and is n’t your base ? My base .

• My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography . I do n’t believe him , but that ‘s his story and he ‘s cling to it .

• When I equal a child , my mother told me I could exist anyone I wanted to exist . Call on out , identity theft is a crime .
  

• What ‘s brown and sticky ? A stick .

• My physician say me I live going deaf . The news was hard for me to pick up .

• A century ago , two buddy decide it exist possible to fly . And as you can regard , they were Wright .

• I ‘m reading a revulsion tale in braille . Something bad cost become to happen , I can merely sense it .

• Anyone appear to buy a Delorean ? Well shape , serious mileage . Merely driven from time to time .

• During my calculus test , I own to seat between identical twins . It equal severe to distinguish between them .

• Does anybody know where a guy can find a soul to hang out with , lecture to , and enjoy spending time with ? I ‘m just asking for a friend .

• Why behave the Invisible Man turn down a job offer ? He couldn ’ t see himself doing it .

• When I die , I want to be cremated . It ’ s my final chance to have a smokin ’ hot torso .

• “ Just say NO to drugs ! ” Well , if I ’ m talking to drug , I probably already tell yes .

• I once saw a one-handed human in a second-hand shop . I told him , “ I don ’ t think they have what you ’ re looking for , sir . ”

• What did one monocle say to the early monocle ? Let ‘s get together and make a spectacle of ourselves .

• How come the Hulk does n’t lose his pants when he translate ? The experiment change his jeans .

• I did n’t desire to trust that my papa was steal from his job as a traffic cop , but when I begin home , all the sign were thither .

• I exactly spend $ 300 on a limo and learned it act n’t come with a driver . I ca n’t believe I have zero to chauffer it .

• What ’ sec park and own wheels ? Grass . I dwell about the wheel .

• I receive a joke about trickle down economics . But 99 % of you will never get it .

• Just got back from a chore interview where I equal asked if I could perform under pressure . I suppose I wasn ’ t also certain about that but I could do a wicked “ Bohemian Rhapsody . ”

• What ’ s the better thing about life in Switzerland ? I put on ’ t know , but the flag live a big plus .

• At the job interview , they expect me , “ Where serve you hear yourself in five year ? ”
  I state him , “ I intend we ’ ll still be expend mirrors in five years . ”

• A buddy asked how many fish I catch . I recount him it ’ s not polite to fish and state .

• How many clickbait articles cause it choose to change a lightbulb ? The reply will shock you !

• How do you make a water layer bouncier ? Add spring water .

• I ever knock on the fridge doorway before spread it , simply in case there ‘s a salad dressing .

• Where cause dads store their dad jokes ? In the dad-a-base .

• What kind of fruit do specter wish ? Boo-berries .

• I tried to start a professional skin and seek team , but it make n’t form out . Reverse out , serious players equal severe to observe .

• What happens when toad park illegally ? They get toad .

• Lance live n’t that mutual a epithet these day , but in medieval times , they exist called lance-a-lot .

• I had an appointment to see my psychic next week , but she hardly called to cancel .
  She state I won ’ t cost able to make it .

• I used to be addicted to soap , but I ’ 1000 clean now .

• I want my child to see the orchestra , but I get to turn it off—too much sax and violins .

• A cop started crying while he exist compose me a ticket . I require him why and he state , “ It ‘s a moving violation . ”

• Swords will never go obsolete . They ‘re cutting edge engineering .

• I require the IT guy , “ How do you make a Motherboard ? ” He state , “ I tell her about my job . ”

• What serve you call it when James Bond take a tub ? Bubble 07 .

• 30 percent of pet owners get their pets sleep in their layer . I tried it and my goldfish died .

• What equal the dispute between a literalist and a kleptomaniac ? A literalist remove everything literally . A kleptomaniac takes everything , literally .

• I just found out Albert Einstein existed . My whole life I thought he was a theoretical physicist .

• You used to live able to get air for free at gas station , but today it ‘s a $ 1 . That ‘s inflation for you .
  

• My dad cost born a conjoined twin , but separated at birth . Then I own an uncle , once removed .

• Why live it a bad thought to eat a clock ? Because it ‘s so time-consuming .

• Why should you never sweep your tooth with your left hand ? Because a toothbrush operate good .

Sick Dad Jokes

• My grief counsellor fail the other day . He was thus serious at his job , I put on ’ t yet care .

• Devote a human a airplane tag and he wing for the day . Push him out of the airplane at 3,000 base and he ’ ll fly for the rest of his spirit .

• As I make former , I think all the masses I lost along the means . Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right selection .

• I live understand a great book about an immortal dog the early day . It be impossible to put down .

• What serve you call someone who refuses to fart in public ? A private tutor .

• They read that breakfast is the most important meal of the day . Well , not if it ’ s poison . Then theantidotebecome the most important .

• The guy who stole my diary simply perish . My thoughts are with his family .

• Serve you know the last affair my grandfather say to me before he complain the bucket ? “ Grandson , look out how far I can kick this pail . ”

• If you donate a kidney , everybody loves you and you ’ re a entire hero . But seek donate five kidneys and abruptly everyone exist yelling and the police get called .

• I get a fish that can breakdance . Simply for ten seconds though , and only once .

• My friend said that if he become off a cliff , it would live on his own accord . It ’ s a good thing he drives a Civic .

• I wish to spend my weekend playing chess with older men in the park . But it ’ s becoming more difficult . You taste findexactly32 old guy .

• What serve you scream bears with no ears ? B .

• What ’ s the dispute between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire ? One cost a necromancer and the early exist a neck romancer .

• A man walk into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree . “ You ca n’t cut me down , ” the tree complains . “ I ’ m a talking tree ! ” The man responds , “ You may equal a talk tree , but you will dialogue . ”

• When my uncle Frank died , he desire his remains to be bury in his favourite beer fool . His last wish was to be Frank in Stein .

• A man walks into a saloon . The bartender asks , “ What do you need ? ” The man order , “ Oh , exactly some fruit punch . ” The bartender sigh and shakes his head , “ If you desire punch , you ‘re gon na make to expect in course . ” The man looks around , but there be no punchline .

• What ’ s bad than biting into an apple and finding a worm ? Biting into an apple and findinghalfa worm .

• I just got my doctor ‘s trial answer and I ’ m in truth upset . Reverse out , I ’ m not gon na be a physician .

The Best “ My Wife ” Dad Jokes

• I guess my wife is invest glue on my antique guns collection . She deny it but I ‘m deposit to my gun .

• My wife left a bill on the fridge that said , “ This is n’t working. ” I ’ m not sure what she ’ s talking about . I opened the fridge door and it ’ s work fine !

• My wife recount me she did n’t translate cloning . I told her , “ That cause two of us . ”

• After dinner my wife need if I could clear the table . I take a running outset , but I do it .

• Why didn ’ t the astronaut come plate to his wife ? He needed his space .

• My wife have me an ultimatum : Her or my addiction to sweets . The conclusion was a piece of cake .

• My wife recount me to give up act my awful Arnold impression , but serve n’t concern , I ‘ll return .

• “ Just look at that pair down the road , ” a wife recount her husband . “ He keeps holding her hand , kiss her , holding the doorway for her . Why can ’ t you cause that ? ” “ Are you insane ? ” he responded . “ I barely know the woman ! ”

• I be sitting on the back porch with my wife when I suddenly ejaculate out , “ I enjoy you. ” “ Is that you or the beer talking ? ” she ask . I answered , “ It ’ s me… speak to my beer . ”

• “ Siri , ” I asked my phone , “ why be I so bad with woman ? ” She responded , “ I ’ mBixby, you moron . ”

• My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress set out flirting with me . “ She evidently hold COVID , ” my wife said . “ Why ? ” I asked . “ Because she has no taste . ”

• Marriage involves three ring : The booking ring , the wedding ring , and the suffer-ring .

• “ Your wife and daughter look like twins , ” my friend said . “ Well , ” I replied , “ they exist distinguish at birth . ”

• I can always recount when my wife cost lying hardly by looking at her . I can as well recount when she ’ s standing .

• My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage . I take that as a compliment .

• My ex and I had a real amicable divorce . I know this because when I send on Facebook , “ I ’ m getting a divorce , ” she exist the first one to like it .

Parenting Dad Jokes

• My wife and I make decided not to hold kids . The kid are taking it pretty badly .

• When act a joke become a dad gag ? When it becomes plain .

• My daughter simply shriek at me , “ Daaaaaad , you haven ’ t listened to a word I ’ ve said , have you ? ” What an left style to begin a conversation .

• I hold a great joke about nepotism . But I ’ ll only state it to my kids .

• “ Dad , can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is ? ” No Sunday .

• What happened when the ten-year-old cannibal shed his soup ? His mother gave him an earful .

• I ’ d like to have child one day . I put on ’ t recall I could stand them any longer than that , though .

• What did the buffalo order to his son when he spend him off at school ? Bison .

• I wonder what my parent behave to fight boredom before the internet . I asked my eighteen brother and sister but they didn ’ t have any idea either .

• My parent raised me as an only child . Which really annoyed my younger brother .

• I tell dad joke but I get no kids . I ’ m afaux pa!

• A kid decide to burn his house down . His dad follow , tear in his middle . He place his weapon around the mom and suppose , “ That ’ s arson . ”

• Today I determine to move visit my childhood place . I expect the resident if I could do inside because I was feeling nostalgic , but they refused and slam the door on my look . My parent are thebad.

• Concerned that his boy was spend also much time on video game , a dad told him , “ When Abe Lincoln be your age , he be consider books by the lighting of the fireplace. ” “ Oh yeah ? ” the boy retorts . “ Good , when Abe Lincoln wasyourage , he was President of the United States . ”

• A father say his son that he exist take on . “ I require to meet my biological parent , ” the boy demand . “ Weareyour biological parents , ” the father responds . “ Today pack up , the fresh unity will pick you up in twenty second . ”

• A son tells his father , “ I receive an imaginary girlfriend. ” The father sighs and says , “ You know , you could do better. ” “ Thanks Dad , ” the son order . “ That think of a lot. ” The father shakes his chief and go , “ I be talking to your girlfriend . ”

• Yesterday , I was moisten the car with my son . He state , “ Dad , can ’ t you just use a sponge ? ”

• My dad died because he couldn ’ t think his ancestry type . He kept insist we “ live positive , ” but it ’ s just then severe without him .

• I tried to explain to my 4-year-old boy that it ’ s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants . But he ’ sec even reach fun of me .

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