The 200 Greatest Dad Jokes Ever That Are Sure to Crack You Up

This tale revolves around one of the most beloved dad jokes I’ve ever heard.

My father died a decade ago from an enlarged heart. As word spread through our community, kind-hearted neighbors and friends would approach my brother and me, saying, “Your father passed away just as he lived—with a huge heart.” It always irritated us. We had no interest in being comforted by empty platitudes that tried to romanticize his illness. Eventually, we began informing people that a colon parasite had taken his life.

“He passed just as he existed,” we’d remark, giving knowing nods. “With a gut full of fury and agitation.”

It brought us joy. Yet what truly mattered was realizing it would have brought our dad joy too. Throughout much of his life—or at least for as long as I can remember—he was a devoted enthusiast and cheerful sharer of Dad Jokes.

If you’ve ever been a father (or are one now), no explanation is needed for what a Dad Joke is. Much like US Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart’s famous 1964 remark about recognizing pornography, you’ll recognize a Dad Joke when you hear it.

If it triggers a response caught between awkward discomfort and genuine amusement, and you find yourself torn between urging the person to continue and begging them to stop because they’re making you squirm in front of your pals, then you’ve just encountered a Dad joke.

Do Dad jokes benefit your health? Absolutely. Research confirms that a healthy serving of humor, no matter how cringe-inducing, can reduce the likelihood of heart disease, boost your immune system’s capacity to combat pain and illness, and even enhance your . Sure, it didn’t extend my father’s lifespan, but I’m certain he was chuckling on his final day—and that feels like the most meaningful way to depart this world.

Enjoy 200 of the best dad jokes we’ve gathered, organized into different sections for every dad-humor occasion. Bring a smile to your dad’s face today.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!

Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.

How do you organize a space party? You planet.

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

• What does a young computer call its dad? Data.

• After a failed harvest, what made the farmer switch to pursuing music? It was because he had an abundance of ailing beets.

• My immune system must take weekends off because I only ever get sick during the week.

• While touring his tool shed, my friend gestured toward a ladder and remarked, “That’s my stepladder.” With a grin, he added, “I never actually met my real ladder.”

• What’s the term for a Frenchman in sandals? Philippe Flop.

• Why does hosting a party in a haunted house cost so little? Because the spirits provide all the boos.

• I don’t understand why Marvel isn’t leveraging the Hulk for more promotions. He’s essentially a walking advertisement for Banner.

• Which underwear brand is preferred by scientists? Kelvin Klein.

• The most powerful days? Saturday and Sunday. The others are simply weekdays.

• I recently discovered I’m colorblind. The revelation appeared out of the blue!

• Did you know your pupils are the final part of your body to cease functioning when you pass away? They expand.

• The other day, my wife questioned how I ended up with so much candy. I replied, “I keep a couple of Twix tucked away just in case.”

• How do cows keep themselves informed? They check out the Moo-spaper.

• What distinguishes a sharply dressed man riding a unicycle from a shabbily dressed man on a bicycle? The answer lies in their clothing.

• I can’t stand my job—my entire shift is spent flattening cans. It’s so soda pressing.

• Why do pirates always have hooks? Because they buy them from second-hand shops.
  

• Among the innovations of the past century, the dry erase board stands out as the most extraordinary.

• In the United States, employing the metric system may lead to legal complications.

• What’s the term for a row of men waiting for their turn at the barber? A barberqueue.

• In reality, if you mock any alternative way of measuring liquids, you could be found in contempt of quart.

• Which U.S. presidents were the most environmentally friendly? The Bushes.
  

• My hotel attempted to add an additional ten-dollar fee for using the air conditioning. That was completely unacceptable.

• What do you name a beehive that has no way out? Unbelievable.

• If I ever track down the surgeon who botched my limb replacement operation…I’ll take him out with my bare hands.

• Believe it or not, the original french fries didn’t originate in France—they were first prepared in Greece.

• This morning, Siri responded, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I mistakenly left my phone inAirplanemode.

• Getting women to avoid eating Tide Pods is simple, but persuading men proves more challenging.

• I told my date to meet me at the gym, but she didn’t arrive. It seems things between us just aren’t going to work out.

• How can you locate Will Smith during a blizzard? Just search for new footprints.

• The distinction between a numerator and a denominator is just a thin line. Merely a fraction of individuals will grasp this.

• Today, I discovered a wooden shoe stuck in my toilet, causing a clog.

• I recently ended things with my girlfriend who was a mathematician. She couldn’t stop fixating on an X.

• I can no longer bring my dog to the pond since the ducks constantly go after him. That’s the consequence of owning a pure bread dog.
  

• To the person who took my Microsoft Office, I will track you down. You’ve got my Word.

• What is Forrest Gump’s password? It’s 1forrest1.

• I once operated a matchmaking service for chickens. However, I found it challenging to get the hens together.

• If inmates were allowed to snap their own booking photos…They’d be known as cellfies.

• Have you caught wind of those latest corduroy pillows? They’re all the buzz right now.

• If a pig can no longer make a sound…does it turn grumpy?

• Want to know a joke about paper? Forget it. It’s tearable.

• A terrified man rushed to his doctor, pleading, “Please help me—I believe I’m getting smaller.” “Relax,” the doctor replied soothingly. “You simply need to try and be a bit more patient.”

• What’s the term for a pile of hay inside a church? Christian Bale.

• A vessel transporting red paint and another carrying blue paint crash into each other at sea. All sailors from both ships ended up stranded.

• What Italian dish does a guitarist love the most? Strum-boli.

• How does cereal cover its expenses? By using Chex.

“Groaner” Dad Jokes

• Ever been to that lunar restaurant? The food’s amazing, but there’s zero atmosphere.

• Stairs can’t be trusted—they’re constantly plotting something.

• In Athens, it’s uncommon for residents to rise before the sun. The early morning hours are particularly challenging in Greece.

• How come the alternate reality Spider-Man aced his driving exam? He’s a top-notch parallel Parker.

• Never get involved with a tennis pro. To them, love is just a score.

• What beverage does a lawyer enjoy the most? A subpoena colada.

• When Yoda caught a glimpse of himself in 4K, what was his reaction? HDMI.

• What do you call a sorcerer who’s terrible at soccer? Fumbledore.

• How do nonbinary individuals harm one another? They cut them. (They/them)

• I once disliked facial hair, but over time, I came to appreciate it.

• What’s the color of the sky but weighs almost nothing? A pale shade of blue.

• It’s puzzling that bakers aren’t richer. After all, they earn a ton of dough.

• I questioned my wife about whether I was the sole person she had been intimate with. She replied affirmatively—explaining that the rest were 7’s and 8’s.

• How do you get a tissue to dance? Just add a bit of boogie to it.

• How do believers in a flat Earth get around? By airplane.

• I purchased a chicken and an egg through Amazon. I’ll keep you updated.

• Picture stepping into a bar only to find a crowd of people queued up, each waiting for their turn to hit you. That’s the joke.

• My marriage ended due to my uncontrollable passion for pasta. At this moment, I’m overwhelmed with cannelloni emotions.

• What’s the favorite computer component of an astronaut? The Space Bar.

• I was in the middle of a chess game with my friend when he suggested, “How about we spice things up?” That’s when we decided to quit playing chess.

• During a recent job interview, I was questioned about my ability to handle pressure. I replied that I couldn’t, but I could definitely perform Bohemian Rhapsody.

• Why didn’t the vampire go after Taylor Swift? Because she had bad blood.

• Today I’m installing a ceiling light, but I’m worried I might mess it up.

• I can’t stand it when people claim age is just a number. Obviously, age is a word.

• I can no longer bring my dog to the pond since the ducks constantly go after him. That’s the consequence of owning a pure bread dog.

• Today, I received a compliment on my parking skills! A kind stranger left a lovely note on my car’s windshield that read, “parking fine.”

• I was thrilled when I found out Apple could begin manufacturing its own vehicles, but my enthusiasm faded after discovering they wouldn’t be compatible with windows.

• I recently submitted a job application to the diner. I mentioned that I can contribute significantly to their team.

• Officer: “You’re under arrest for downloading the complete Wikipedia.” Man: “Hold on! Let me clarify the whole situation!”

• My buddy didn’t have enough money to cover his bill, so I mailed him a “Get Well Soon” card.

• I’m Buzz Aldrin, the second person to walk on the moon. Neil Armstrong went first.

• Why did 2019 fear 2020? Because they argued and 2021 came along.

• Did you catch that Bruce Springsteen altered the words to one of his tracks? What’s next—his hairstyle? His wardrobe? His appearance?
  

• This year’s Fibonacci convention promises to be truly extraordinary. Rumor has it the event will be twice as large as the previous two combined.

• Eating an apple daily can help you avoid visits to the doctor. That is, if you hurl it with enough force.

• I can’t resist gathering old Beatles records. I still requireAssistThe original text provided is empty, so there is no content to rewrite. Please provide the text you’d like me to rephrase.

• I skipped running a marathon in 2017. The same goes for 2018, 2019, and 2020. It’s become a playful recurring gag.

• I don’t mean to boast, but I earned six figures last year. Still, I was voted the worst employee at the toy factory.

• Since the quarantine began, I’ve exclusively shared inside jokes.

• When you’re feeling down, consider drinking a gallon of water before bedtime. It’ll give you motivation to wake up and start your day.

• My landlord mentioned we should discuss the heating bill. “Of course,” I replied. “Feel free to stop by anytime.”

• I constructed a replica of Mount Everest, and my son inquired if it was scaled accurately. “Not quite,” I replied. “It’s meant for admiration.”

• What possesses five toes but doesn’t belong to you? It’s my foot.

• My friend insists he adhered himself to his autobiography. I’m skeptical, but that’s his tale, and he’s firmly attached to it.

• As a child, my mom always said I could grow up to be whoever I wished. Little did I know, stealing someone’s identity is illegal.
  

• What’s brown and sticks to things? A stick.

• My physician informed me that I was losing my hearing. The diagnosis was difficult to accept.

• A hundred years back, two siblings believed flight was achievable. And history shows they were indeed Wright.

• I’m going through a horror tale in braille. A sense of dread lingers—something terrible is about to unfold.

• Interested in purchasing a Delorean? It’s in excellent condition with low mileage. Rarely driven, well-maintained.

• While taking my calculus exam, I found myself seated next to identical twins. Telling them apart was nearly impossible.

• Anyone know where someone can meet a person to chill with, chat, and have a good time together? Just asking for a buddy.

• Why did the Invisible Man reject a job opportunity? He couldn’t picture himself in that role.

• When I pass away, I’d like to be cremated. It’ll be my final opportunity to rock a smokin’ hot physique.

• “Just say NO to drugs!” Sure, but if I’m speaking to drugs, chances are I’ve already said yes.

• I spotted a man with one hand browsing in a thrift shop. I said to him, “Sir, I doubt they carry the item you need.”

• A melancholy cup of coffee? Depresso.

• What did the first monocle tell the second monocle? If we join forces, we can create quite the spectacle.

• Why do the Hulk’s pants stay intact during his transformation? The experiment modified his denim.

• I refused to accept that my father was taking money from his work as a traffic officer, yet when I arrived home, the evidence was undeniable.

• I shelled out $300 for a limousine only to discover it doesn’t include a driver. Now I’m stuck with no one to operate it—unbelievable!

• What’s green and rolls on wheels? Grass. Just kidding—the wheels part isn’t true.

• I’ve got a joke about trickle down economics. Too bad 99% of you won’t understand it.

• Just returned from a job interview where they asked if I could handle pressure. I replied that I wasn’t entirely confident about that, but I could definitely deliver a killer rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

• What makes living in Switzerland so great? I’m not sure, but the flag definitely adds a big plus.

• During the interview, the hiring team inquired, “What are your career goals for the next five years?”
  I said to him, “In five years, I believe mirrors will still be in use.”

• A friend inquired about my fishing haul. I replied that it’s impolite to fish and share the details.

• How many sensationalized headlines are needed to replace a single lightbulb? The truth will astonish you!

• How can you increase the bounce of a water bed? Use spring water.

• I make it a habit to tap on the fridge door before I open it, just in case a salad dressing is inside.

• Where do fathers keep their dad jokes? In the dad-a-base.

• What type of fruit do spirits prefer? Boo-berries.

• I attempted to form a competitive hide and seek squad, but it fell through. Apparently, skilled players are tough to locate.

• Having children past the age of 36 isn’t advisable—after all, 36 kids are more than sufficient.

• What occurs if frogs leave their vehicles in no-parking zones? They end up toad.

• Lance isn’t a very popular name nowadays, though in medieval times, people often referred to them as lance-a-lot.

• I was scheduled to visit my psychic next week, but she phoned to cancel the appointment.
  She claimed I wouldn’t succeed.

• I was once hooked on soap, but I’ve since gotten clean.

• I hoped my children would enjoy the orchestra performance, but I ended up switching it off—there was just too much sax and violins.

• A police officer teared up as he issued me a citation. When I questioned him about it, he replied, “It’s a moving violation.”

• Blades will never become outdated. They represent the pinnacle of innovation.

• I inquired with the IT technician, “What’s the process for creating a Motherboard?” He replied, “I just describe my job to her.”

• What do you name it when James Bond has a bath? Bubble 07.

• Nearly one-third of pet owners allow their pets to share their bed. I gave it a shot, and unfortunately, my goldfish didn’t survive.

• How does a literalist differ from a kleptomaniac?

• I recently discovered Albert Einstein was a real person. My entire life, I believed he was merely a theoretical physicist.

  A comma. To a literalist, every word is absolute. A kleptomaniac, on the other hand, takes everything—quite literally.

• Gas stations once offered free air, but now it costs a dollar. That’s how inflation works.
  

• My father was originally a conjoined twin but underwent separation as an infant. Because of this, I have an uncle who is once removed.

• Eating a clock is not recommended—it takes up too much time.

• I visited a smoke shop, only to find it had been turned into a clothing store.
  Dressed to impress, but falling just short.

• Why is brushing your teeth with your left hand a bad idea? Simply put, a toothbrush is more effective when used correctly.

Dad Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Painful

• My grief therapist passed away recently. He was such an expert in his field that I’m completely unaffected by his death.

• Hand a man a plane ticket, and he’ll soar for a day. Toss him from the plane at 3,000 feet, and he’ll fly forever.

• Growing older, I often think about those I’ve lost over the years. Perhaps becoming a tour guide wasn’t the best path for me.

• The other day, I came across an incredible book featuring an immortal dog. I couldn’t stop reading it once I started.

• What do you call a person who avoids passing gas in public? A private tutor.

• A report states that in London, a stabbing occurs every 52 seconds. What a terrible fate.

• They claim breakfast is the day’s most crucial meal. That is, unless it’s tainted. In that case, theremedytakes on the greatest significance.

• The man who took my journal has passed away. I send my condolences to his loved ones.

• Right before my grandfather passed away, do you know what his final words to me were? “Hey, grandson, check out how far I can send this bucket flying.”

• If you give away one kidney, everyone admires you and treats you like a champion. But attempt donating five kidneys, and suddenly people start shouting while law enforcement shows up.

• My fish knows how to breakdance, but just for ten seconds and only a single time.

• My friend mentioned that if he ever drove off a cliff, it would be entirely his own choice. Good thing he’s behind the wheel of a Civic.

• During my spare time, I enjoy assisting people who are blind. Verb, not adjective.

• A physician enters a room where a patient is nearing the end of his life and informs him, “I regret to say you only have ten remaining.” The man responds, “Ten what, Doctor? Hours? Months? Years?” The doctor pauses, then coolly replies, “Nine.”

• I enjoy spending my weekends playing chess with older men in the park. However, it’s getting harder to do. Try locatingexactlyA group of 32 men in their thirties.

• Bears with no ears? Just B.

• How do you tell apart a sorcerer summoning the dead from an alluring bloodsucker? The first is a necromancer, while the second is a neck romancer.

• A man enters an enchanted forest and attempts to chop down a tree that speaks. “You can’t fell me,” the tree protests. “I’m a talking tree!” The man replies, “You might be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

• Rumors suggest Sony is launching a new console amid the pandemic…It’s dubbed the Plaguestation 5.

• After my uncle Frank passed away, he requested that his ashes be placed in his beloved beer mug. His final desire was to remain Frank in Stein.

• A guy enters a bar. The bartender inquires, “What can I get you?” The man replies, “Just a fruit punch, please.” The bartender rolls his eyes and mutters, “If it’s punch you’re after, you’ll need to queue up.” The man glances around, but there’s no punchline in sight.

• half a worm. Discovering only part of the critter means the other half might already be in your mouth—or worse, digested.HalfA worm.

• I just received my test results from the doctor, and I’m truly devastated. It turns out I won’t become a doctor after all.

The Top “My Wife” Dad Jokes

• I suspect my wife is applying glue to my collection of antique guns. She claims she isn’t, but I’m standing firm in my belief.

• My wife placed a note on the refrigerator that read, “This isn’t working.” I’m confused about her meaning. When I checked, the fridge door opened perfectly—it seems to be functioning just fine!

• My wife was looking to add some excitement to our intimate life and suggested we role-play as doctor and patient this evening. The concept felt a bit unusual, but I’m always happy to go along with her ideas.

• My wife mentioned she couldn’t grasp the concept of cloning. I replied, “You’re not alone—I don’t get it either.”

• My wife warned me she’d smash my head against the keyboard if I didn’t step away from the computer. I’m not too concerned—I believe she’s just kiddinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

• My wife has delivered three babies yet can still wear her high school prom dress. Meanwhile, I’ve never given birth but can’t squeeze into the pants I wore last March.

• Carving lovers’ names into a tree doesn’t strike me as sweet or charming—it’s strange how often people bring knives along on romantic outings.

• After dinner, my wife wondered if I could tidy up the table. It took some effort, but I managed to get it done.

• Why didn’t the astronaut return to his wife? He required some space.

• My wife issued a final choice: either her or my obsession with sugary treats. Choosing was as easy as eating cake.

• My wife asked me to stop my awful Arnold impression, but rest assured, I’ll be back.

• “Take a glance at that pair walking ahead,” a wife said to her husband. “See how he’s constantly holding her hand, giving her kisses, and opening doors for her. Why don’t you ever act like that?” “Have you lost your mind?” he replied. “I hardly even know her!”

• I was relaxing on the back porch with my wife when the words slipped out unexpectedly: “I love you.” She teased, “Is that you or the beer speaking?” I replied, “It’s me… having a chat with my beer.”

• “Siri,” I questioned my phone, “what makes me so terrible with women?” It replied, “I’mBixby“you idiot.”

• During dinner with my wife, our waitress began flirting with me. “She must have COVID,” my wife remarked. “How do you figure?” I questioned. “Clearly, she has no taste,” she replied.

• Marriage consists of three rings: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring.

• “Your wife and daughter could pass for twins,” my friend remarked. “True,” I responded, “but they were split up when they were born.”

• One friend confided in another, saying, “My husband and I can’t stop arguing these days. I’ve been so stressed that I’ve dropped 20 pounds.” The second friend replied, “If things are that terrible, why not walk away?” The first friend answered, “I’d prefer to shed fifteen more pounds before I do.”

• I subscribed to Spotify Premium to enjoy seamless music playback. Yet, I can still catch my wife’s nagging in between tracks.

• I can instantly recognize when my wife isn’t telling the truth just by observing her. The same goes for knowing when she’s on her feet.

• My wife claims I always turn her words to benefit myself. I consider that a praise.

• My former spouse and I ended our marriage on good terms. I realized just how cordial it was when I shared the news, “I’m getting a divorce,” on Facebook, and she was the first to hit the like button.

Dad Jokes for Parents

• My husband and I made the choice to remain childfree. The children aren’t handling the news very well.

• At what point does a joke turn into a dad joke? The moment it becomes obvious.

• My daughter suddenly yelled, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t paid attention to anything I’ve said, right?” What a strange way to start a discussion.

• I’ve got a hilarious joke about nepotism. But I’m saving it just for my children.

• “Dad, could you tell me how a solar eclipse works?” No sunlight.

• When the ten-year-old cannibal dropped his soup, his mom scolded him loudly.

• I want to have children someday, but I doubt I could handle them for more than a short while.

• What did the buffalo tell his son as he left him at school? Bison.

• I often think about how my parents dealt with boredom without the internet. I even checked with my eighteen siblings, but none of them had a clue either.

• Growing up, I was treated as an only child by my parents, much to the frustration of my younger brother.

• I crack dad jokes even though I’m not a father. It’s a faux pa.Faux pasThe original text is missing. Please provide the content you’d like me to rewrite, and I’ll ensure it remains unique while preserving its core meaning, context, and key terms. Proper nouns and specific terminology will stay unchanged. Just share the text you’d like rephrased, and I’ll handle the rest.

• A child made the choice to set his home on fire. With tears welling up, his father looked on. He wrapped an arm around the mother and remarked, “That’s arson.”

• Today, I chose to revisit the house where I grew up. I requested permission from the current occupants to step inside, overwhelmed by nostalgia, but they declined and shut the door abruptly. My parents are theworst.

• “What’s your name, boy?” the principal inquired. The student responded, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you struggle with a stutter?” the principal questioned. The boy replied, “No, sir. My father stutters, but the man who recorded my name was just plain rude.”

• Worried that his child was dedicating excessive hours to gaming, a father remarked, “At your age, Abe Lincoln was reading books by the glow of the fire.” “Is that so?” the boy fired back. “Then tell me, when Abe Lincoln wasCertainly! Please provide the original text you’d like me to rewrite, and I’ll ensure the revised version maintains its core meaning while being unique. Here’s an example of how I’d approach it:

  **Original Text:**
  “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.”

  **Rewritten Text:**
  “A swift brown fox leaps over the idle dog.”

  Now, share the text you’d like me to rewrite, and I’ll deliver a fresh version without altering proper nouns or key terms.

  (Note: Since you didn’t provide the original text to rewrite, I’ve included a placeholder example. Replace it with your actual content, and I’ll proceed accordingly.)At a young age, he held the office of President of the United States.

• A father reveals to his son that he was adopted. “I need to see my biological parents,” the son insists. “Weare“Your birth parents,” the father answers. “Hurry and get ready—the new family will be here to collect you in twenty minutes.”

• A son mentions to his father, “I have a girlfriend, but she’s imaginary.” The father lets out a sigh and replies, “You know, you could aim higher.” “Thanks, Dad,” the son responds. “That really means something.” The father shakes his head and clarifies, “I was actually speaking to your girlfriend.”

• Yesterday, while cleaning the car with my son, he asked, “Dad, why don’t you use a sponge instead?”

• My father passed away after forgetting his blood type. He always urged us to “stay positive,” but life feels incredibly empty now that he’s gone.

• I attempted to reassure my 4-year-old that having an accident in your pants is completely normal. Yet, he continues to laugh at me.

• I wasn’t particularly near my father when he passed away. That turned out to be fortunate since he triggered a landmine.

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