The best joke ( 1 to 15 )
A 60 yr old millionaire get married with a 20 year former example …
When his friend need him how he cause it , he order : “ I lied about my age . ”
They then asked : “ Ah , so you said you were 40 ? ” He answered : “ No I suppose I equal 90 . ”
They then asked : “ Ah , so you suppose you exist 40 ? ” He answer : “ No I said I was 90 . ”
Six Quick Jokes to Kickstart Your Week with a Smile
Would it kill the makers of avocado to put a different toy inside ?
I already hold like 50 wooden balls already .
I ca n’t conceive I forgot to get to the gym yesterday .
That ‘s 8 yr in a row today .
Wife : “ I hardly make stung by a jellyfish . quick , pee on it ! ”
Husband : [ peeing on jellyfish ] “ This is for stinging my wife . ”
I hate it when my wife become mad at me for being lazy .
Itâs not like I make anything !
I have a contact lens trouble .
I make no contact lens solution .
My wife phone me at the pub and said , âIf youâre not home in 10 second , Iâm give the dinner I cooked you to the dog.â
I exist home in 5 minutes .
Iâd hatred for anything to happen to the dog .
Busy Bus Stop
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop , a woman who equal waiting for a bus was put on a tight leather skirt . As the bus stopped and it equal her turn to come on , she became mindful that her skirt be too tight to leave her branch to get up to the altitude of the first pace of the bus . Slightly embarrassed and with a quick grin to the bus driver , she reach behind her to unzip her skirt a little , remember that this would pay her adequate slack to arouse her branch .Â
Again , she tried to make the step merely to disclose she even so could n’t . So , a little more embarrassed , she once again reach behind her to unzip her skirt a little more . For the second time , attempted the step , and , once again , and a lot to her chagrin , she could not lift her leg . With a small smile to the driver , she again achieve behind to unzip a little more and again be unable to cause the measure .
About this time , a large human who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and lay her softly on the measure of the bus .Â
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched , “ How dare you concern my body ! I act n’t yet know who you are ! ‘ÂThe man smiled and drawled , “ Well , ma’am , commonly I would accord with you , but after you unzipped my fly three time , I kinda figured we cost friends . ”
One Minute Birthday
Did you pick up about the old human whose birthday one yr last only one minute ?
It was his sixty-second birthday .
An irate woman volley into the baker ‘s shop …
Great short jokes for mid-week laugh
Sadly my obese parrot only perish .
But it ‘s a vast weight off my shoulder .
As I cost seat drink my morning cup of tea in my slipper , I thought to myself …
I truly must wash some cups !
“ 999 . Which emergency service cause you require ? ”
“ What time be the future train out of Victoria station ? ”
“ Sir , that is not an emergency . ”
“ It most certainly is , I ‘m connect to the tracks ! ”
Airport police state that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under mastery .
But suit proceed to develop .
A midget walks into a library and asked the librarian if there are any books about irony .
The librarian suppose yes itâs on the top shelf .
How many beans should you invest in a pot of chili ?
239 . Just one more and it ‘ll live too-farty .
My friend resolve to get a face tattoo of his favourite Star Wars characterâ¦
You should have seen the Luke on his look !
My wife cost blaming me for ruining her birthday
that ‘s ridiculous , I behave n’t still know it was her birthday .
My wife was mad at me because I merely pass half a minute celebrate her birthday
In my defense , she told me it was her 32nd birthday
How can you convert dollar to pounds ?
By visiting McDonalds
She take me upstairs , got me to choose all my clothes off and tied me to the bed ..
And thatâs why we arenât allowed in IKEA anymore .
Skydiving
The skydiving teacher be get through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them expect the usual doubt always demand : “ If our chute does n’t open ; and the reserve does n’t spread , how long would we get till we score the ground ? ”
The jump master seem at him and in utter deadpan suffice : “ The repose of your living . ”
The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan resolve : “ The rest of your living . ”
I exist seat on the couch final night look out TV …
Great Presidents
George Washington cost such a great chairman .
He never blamed any of the country ‘s problem on the former organization .
How to report a crime
“ Hello , I merely called you a few minute ago because there exist mass steal things from my shed . Well , you do n’t have to worry about them today because I just stroke and killed them both ; the dog are eating them mighty today , ” and he hung up .
Within five moment , six Police Cars , a SWAT Team , a Helicopter , two Flame Trucks , a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips ‘ residence , and caught the burglars red-handed .
One of the Policemen suppose to George , “ I think you said that you ‘d shot them ! ”
George said , “ I thought you said there was nobody available . ”
Within five second , six Police Cars , a SWAT Team , a Helicopter , two Fire Trucks , a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips ‘ residence , and catch the burglars red-handed .
One of the Policemen say to George , “ I thought you said that you ‘d hit them ! ”
George said , “ I thought you said there was nobody available . ”
One of the Policemen said to George , “ I remember you state that you ‘d charge them ! ”
George said , “ I thought you tell there exist nobody available . ”
George tell , “ I thought you state there was nobody available . ”
Physician , my Girlfriend be pregnant but we always employ protection …
Physician : Let me order you a story : “ There cost once a Hunter who ever contain a gunman wherever he went . One day he remove out his Umbrella or else of his Gun and move out . A Lion suddenly start infront of him . In decree to scare the Lion , the Hunter use the Umbrella like a Gun , and shot the Lion , then it died !
Guy : Nonsense ! Someone else must have take the Lion …
Doctor : Good ! You understood the story . Future patient please …
Guy : Nonsense ! Individual else must have shot the Lion …
Doctor : Serious ! You understood the account . Future patient please …
Physician : Good ! You understand the story . Next patient please …
Follow Your Dream
They order me , “ Follow your dreams … ”
Hence I become back to layer .
Ben went on safari with his wi …
Eat Out
This married pair be pose in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor .
The husband asks “ I notice you ‘ve exist look on that human for some time today . Cause you know him ? ”
“ Yes ” she replies . “ He ‘s my ex-husband and has be drink like that since I left him seven yr ago . ”
“ That ‘s singular ” the husband replies . “ I would n’t intend anybody could observe that long . ” Â Â
Both Sides Of The Law
A police officer arrives at the setting of an accident , in which a car smashed into a tree .
The cop speed over to the vehicle and expect the driver , “ Live you seriously suffer ? ”
“ How should I know ? ” the human answers , “ I ‘m not a lawyer ! ”
