Tip Jokes
Funniest Tip Jokes
Not to boast , but I ’ ve satisfied every waitress that has always served me .With just the tip .
I make a tip for all you lonely ladies on valentine ‘s day ..Or you can simply require the whole thing .
That rabbi ‘s get crazy ! He ‘s been running round a circumcising all kinds of lettuce …and that ‘s just the tip of the iceberg .
This barista at StarBucks looked hence nervous as she give me my coffee .I think she be scared because she spelt my name wrong , she compose “ callthecops ” .
I did n’t annoy leaving a tip .
Top TipTurn your sofa into a sofa layer by simply forgetting your wife ‘s birthday .
‘Doctor , there ‘s a piece of lettuce sticking out of my seat . ‘The physician asks him to drop his trousers and examines him .
The human ask : ‘Is it grave , physician ? ‘ and the physician replies : ‘ I ‘m sorry to recount you , but this be merely the tip of the iceberg . ‘
A top for Snowden .Obviously he is traveling all of the world but if you never want to look in movement of an American judge there cost merely 1 place to go …
Guantanomo bay
Not to brag , but I ‘ve satisfied every waitress that ‘s ever function me …With just the crest .
Yo momma cooks so bad …The fly all chipped in and prepare the screen doorway .
> we ‘re hither all dark , act n’t forget to tip your waiter ! !
What did the Titanic say to the iceberg ?“ Okay , but hardly the tip . ”
Tip for when you are attacked by a bearPlay dead .
It will be well pattern for when you perish a couple minutes later .
Grammar tipFarther = physical distance
Further = metaphorical distance
Father = emotional distance
Zoology TipYou can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by make up attention to whether the beast find you later or in a while .
Top : Predict your baby a normal nameMe : Are you yet mad your parents call you tilt ?
What ‘s the quickest style to get a musician off your front porch ?Tip him for the pizza .
A friend of mine told me he ‘d see about a local glory hole …He received an anonymous crest .
It ‘s severe to intend about my wife , who occur away during pitchTip : Never , * EVER * move with a mail-order Russian bride who make it by ship .
What make Jewish mass and basketball games have in common ?The point off .
What ‘s the dispute between illegal and unlawful ?One is against the law , the other is a sick bird .
Thanks folks , tip your waitresses I ‘ll exist hither all day !
What do Women ‘s Studies majors like after dessert ?A tip
Guy tip :If your girlfriend has a really annoy friend , make n’t tell her how bothersome she cost or to stop make up friend with her . Just casually refer how attractive she is .
How do you have a Harvard graduate off your doorstep ?Tip him for the pizza .
I become arouse from the bankI put on ’ t know why , the people seemed to enjoy me .
Everybody that address to me pay me a crest !
Circumcision .My parents devote the bill , but I left the tip .
What behave the leper tell the prostitute ?You can keep the crest
What did the leper say to the prostitute ?Go on the tip .
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
Why make blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets ?So they do n’t wake up up the sleeping pill .
Christmas tip :Wrap empty boxes and place them under the tree . Everytime your kid acts up , throw one in the fireplace
What ‘s the difference between a Jew and a canoe ?If you push a canoe severe enough , it ‘ll tip .
Point : if you do n’t want comedians count in on politics ….… do n’t elect a gag .
( Reference to Bo Burnham )
At schoolA instructor write on the whiteboard : HNO3 and need a student :
\- What content be that ?
\- Hmmm … await a second … It ‘s on the tip of my tongue !
\- Spit it out at once ! ! ! That ‘s nitric acid !
A woman get to the doctor with a piece of lettuce cling out the crest of her underwearThe physician state “ that looks nasty ” , the woman replies “ that ‘s just the tip of the iceberg ”
What cause “ LSD ” stand for again ?It ‘s on the point of my tongue ….
What did the human with leprosy order to the prostitute ?* Keep the tip . *
What cause the leper allege after he was cease with the prostitute ?Keep the tip .
What did the Leper say after his dark with a prostitute ?“ Keep the crest . ”
A waiter says to a customer “ Excuse me , miss , but you appear to have some lettuce stuck in your pants . ”“ That ‘s exactly the tip of the iceberg . ” She replies .
Why is it bother dating a waitress ?They simply want the tip .
New Tip Jokes
A fat human and a skinny human were arguing about who was more polite …Skinny guy : I live more polite as I always tilt my hat to lady .
Fat guy : I be more courteous because , whenever I get up and offer my seat , 2 lady can ride
Where did the crest for dinner go ?On the shipment screen .
You should ever tip the bandMusician are so broke , I hardly saw 4 of them in the parking lot share one cigarette !
So what ‘s the dispute between a chineese and canoeGood , a canoe will sometime point
I took my kid for a circumcision the other day and note they had a tip jar …It was disgusting .
Van Gogh walked into a bar and sat down . The bartender asks him to delight contribute to the tip jar and expect him if he had any humble bills .Van Gogh searches through his pocket and said , ” I got one right ‘ ere . ”
What did the leper read to the hooker when he could n’t pay .“ Sorry , but you can keep the tip . ”
What make the leper tell to the prostitute after finish ?Keep the top .
Cirumcision physician exist then greedy sometimesThey ’ ll always need a tip from their patient
A woman went to the doctor ‘s with a bit of lettuce sticking out from her underwear …Doctor appear at it and tell “ that looks funny ” , woman says “ Oh , it ‘s simply the top of the iceberg ”
A woman walks into the physician office with a second of lettuce sticking out of her underwearPhysician : “ That appear nasty ! ”
Woman : “ That ’ s just the tip of the iceberg . ”
How serve you tip a one legged stripper ?Hit it from behind .
Quick tip : How to deal with problems . Just eat them . You will live satisfied and the trouble are gone . Except in suit of anorexia , …… they will just come out of you .
What did the leper order to the prostitute at the goal of a session ?Keep the tip
Pro Tip ; For the best suction , set a fresh base in the vacuum .Or just wait for the short lady to get home .
A woman goes to the physician with the crest of some lettuce sticking out of her pantsThe physician suppose “ That wait nasty ”
She replies “ It ‘s just the top of the iceberg ”
A leper get to a prostitute …He says , “ Keep the crest . ”
What ‘s the robot version of hardly the crest ?Exactly the first thread .
If you ‘re a liberal art major , hither ‘s a tip$ 5 , and be glad it ‘s 20 % .
When ‘s the only time a Jew will leave a tip ?When he become circumcised
Why do prostitutes like lepers ?They always leave a tip .
My pizza delivery guy ask me for a tip todaySo I told him to always moisten his hands after using the toilet .
Why did the prostitute leave the leper colony ?Because her business exist falling off .
What did the lepers say to the prostitute ?
You can keep the point .
I own a matter for waitressesbecause they ‘re ever in it just for the tip .
Why behave n’t the client tilt the server ?Because they act n’t receive enough cache !
( Computer Science nerds unite ! This is my original gag , I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a enough response . )
While I was waiting on a table a category lead their key behind after they go out .I put on the key were a tip . You should receive seen their face up when I drove away in their car .
Life Pro TipMake sure you ever float dry your hair , it gives you an surplus couple instant to cry once you ‘re out of the shower !
A horse walk into a saloon . The bartender asks , “ Why the long face ? ”“ I was wear into servitude , and when I fail , my base will be turned into glue , ” replied the cavalry .
The bartender realize he would not live getting a tip .
Exactly the tipThe titanic is a good lesson of how hardly the tip can result to a luck of trouble
Bought a litre of tip-ex today .Vast mistake .
( in honour of all the dads out thither , happy father day – UK )
Always heard of a cajew ?It ‘s like a canoe , but guaranteed to never tilt .
At the goal of the ride …… the cab driver look at the taximeter , then at the passenger , and suppose :
” Excuse me sir , I made mistake . I had the taximeter work backwards . You ‘ll receive $ 12 from me . ”
” All good and good , ” says the passenger , “ but how much will you tap me ? ”
A waiter ask me , “ What ‘s the dispute between a canoe and a canuck ? ”Canoes tip .
The police break a drug phone operate out of a circumcision clonicThe police become a top off
Why should you tap the guy at the crematorium ?Because he urned it .
Why do guys with big dicks never bear their full bill at a restaurant ?The waitress can only handle the top .
If anything ever stopped solve , as kid we smacked it up top and shook it around a number . To this day this crest still bring .My wife alone bring 2 time to find out .
What did the leper leave the prostitute ?Just the Tip .
L.P.T . Servers and waiter exist n’t in truth into you . You may think they are flirting by giving you more attention …… but in world they just desire the tip .
What act the lepper tell to the prostitute ?Keep the crest
My coworker was arguing with me over the crestHe tell he require care of it , but I told him I should go on it since I ‘m the one that behave the circumcision .
I invent the perfect beach accessory for man !A clip-on-tip that attach to the interior of your suit and glance out just below the ass of a guy ‘s swim trunk .
We ‘re shout it the Billadong .
Vegetable rationingSome supermarkets exist rationing lettuce , I think this live only the point of the iceberg …
Why do pornstars savor influence as waitresses ?Because they always get the point
Why act masses tip cattle ?Their service is n’t even that good .
Whats another term for acid ?Its on the top of my tongue …
I hate when waitresses flirt with me ..I ca n’t assure if they just want the top or if they want just the crest .
I get this girl to arrive family with me . I ‘m in bed with her and then she say me “ Only the point . ”Joke on her , that ‘s all I got .
What did the fat guy give to the fat miss ?Exactly the tip …
What does the leper say to the prostitute ?Keep the tip !
